I hate her for leaving me with my father. I hate him for not being himself.

The Richard Chambers who took me out Yankees games..... that's not the true him.

"Hey Paul, boy-o, you like the game?"

"Hey Paul, sorry about your birthday, I have to work."

"Hey Paul, sorry about you're mom dying. Tough Break!"

"Hey Paulie, here's a fifty. Go buy yourself something nice for Christmass... or is it your birthday?"

What? WHAT? Why do you assume I'm a child?

"Paul, boy-o, I'm listening to you and watching the stocks."

I'm leaving... you don't want me here... you never wanted me here.. I was just a mistake. You can forget about me like you did my mother, it shouldn't take long.

"SELL SELL SELL!"

So, now I'm on a bus to go live with my grandmother.

SAINT PETER'S NEXT STOP!

11:45 pm. I wonder if my grandmother's the kind with the white hair and Betty Crocker tattooed to her forehead.

"Hey Paulie! This is my mother! And look she brought you socks!"

Socks?!?! Why'd you bring me socks?

Hello Paul. Here's your gift, I didn't know what you wanted. Well, actually, I didn't know I had a grandson up until.. oh... 2 weeks ago.

Well, I like socks.

Do you really?

Yeah sure, I hear they're making a comeback.

SAINT PETERS!

That's it.... this is the begining of a new life boy-o. OH MY GOD! I'm sounding like my old man already!!

So, here I am... standing in a dark parking lot by the train station... it's not like I'm going to get mugged this is like "Leave it to Beaver"-ville.... I'm hungry.

PAUL!

Ok there's a lady there with brown hair, glasses.. she's short... she's smiling. Is that her?

Paul! It's me..... is that you?

Yeah, it's me. But-

OH! Paul! You've gotten big! When I last saw you, you were so small!

I was 8.

Oh! Yeah! Well.... Oh, lets go. Now, where's my car?

Is it the car you are standing next to?

Oh! Yes, yes it is. You ae a smart one Paul!

Um......

I'm just a little nervous. I tend to forget things when I'm nervous.

Um...

I also tend to yell when I'm nervous.

Um...

Where are your bags?

I'm holding them.

Oh! Hahaha. I didn't see them. GET IN THE CAR!

So, now we are driving off at,like, 90 miles per hour. Well, my grandmother is DEFINATELY NOT Betty Crocker. There's a car coming towards us umm.. OH MY GOD MY GRANDMOTHER IS DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!

Umm.. Grandma.. if I can call you that-

HEY YOU CRAZY MAINIAC! GET OF THE ROAD! FREAK!!! You were saying something Paul?

Uh.. NO! No, I wasn't.

Maybe if I can get myself under the car seat.. I'll live. What's that smell.............

Paul, you must be hungry. There is a snack for you.. are you trying to get under the car seat??

Who? Me? Nah.. I'm just looking at my shoes.

Oh my GOD! Is that smell CAT PEE???

You know Paul, you are going to like it here.

OHHH GOD!! CAT PEE!

So, Paul your snack is in the cooler. In the back seat.

It's not cat is it?

What? Oh! No, you see I had to take my cat, Freckles, to the vet today.

Freckles?

Yeah. Well, go on! Open the cooler you must be hungry!

Ok. I turned around and grabbed the cooler. I opened it slightly and looked inside.

Oh. Peaches.

What's wrong Paul, you don't like peaches?

They, uh, cause me to die.

What?