December 31, 2011
The dress which Rose had chosen to wear this evening was one she had bought herself while in London. It was one of the dresses she was proud of wearing because she had purchased it herself, without permission from her mother or Cal, her overly controlling fiancé.
It was a floor-length, dark red gown with intricate black beading over the material. She wore black stilettos, quite high and unlike her usual taste in footwear, but she had fallen in love with them at first sight, although they had a high price tag. Her hair was worn in a bun, scraped back so much she felt as though she'd had Botox. She hated her face, feeling she had chubby cheeks, and she hated how pale she was, but tonight she forgot all of her insecurities and attended a new year's party in London.
She had been to these sorts of dinners before. It was basically an excuse for women to show off their finest clothes and jewelry to others. The people were so narrow-minded. All they seemed to care about was who dressed the finest, who owned the most land, who had married the richest man. Her fiancé, Caledon Hockley, was one of the world's best known lawyers. He had recently traveled around Europe with Rose as an engagement present, and now they were spending the new year in London.
Gentle music played by the band filled the air, and Rose craned her neck, looking around the room for something, anything to amuse her. Ruth, her mother, could be seen speaking with some notable faces on the other side of the room while Rose stood beside Cal, her fiancé. She nodded a small hello to a familiar face, not quite remembering their name. Her fiancé's words were lost as she became entranced in her own world. She turned around, glancing to the bar. How badly she wanted to order every drink on the menu and down them all one by one, but she knew she would be allowed no more than a glass or two of wine. Most people her age would be falling out of nightclubs or at the London Eye watching the fireworks, not attending some party her family made her go to.
A large crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling and Rose looked as it twinkled beautifully, almost taking her breath away. She clung to her clutch bag, which she held directly in front of her stomach, feeling bloated from dinner. Maybe wearing clingy satin wasn't such a good idea.
“Why don't you just try smiling, just once?” A voice startled her and her eyes darted around to meet Cal's. They were dark and untrusting, his face like thunder. “It’s embarrassing, Rose.” His eyes stared directly into hers. “You look like a fool.”
Immediately, Rose felt tears prick her eyes. She turned her body to the crowd of people Cal had been making small talk with and saw all pairs of eyes on her. “Why don't we see a smile on that pretty little face of yours?” Rose turned away, feeling his breath tickling her cheek. She could remember the evening before. The stench of whiskey on his breathe and his half-clothed body had been enough to make Rose attempt to move away from him, but her attempts to escape were useless. When they had reached their hotel room, Cal had ordered Rose to undress for bed, and when she hadn't done as she was told, he had raised his hand to her and cut her lip. It was the first time Cal had ever laid hands on her and the first time Rose had ever been hit. Why was he doing this—to publicly humiliate her? Rose could feel her own heartbeat in her ears. She had never felt so much fear. She just wanted a big hole to swallow her up and take her away from this hell.
“Hey, you look at me when I'm talking to you.” Cal grabbed her face in his right hand, forcing her to look him directly in the eye. He saw the fear and seemed to thrive on it. “Don't disrespect me.” Rose felt as though she was slowly being suffocated. She could feel his fingers leaving marks on her face and knew what would come later on. The whole room seemed to whirl around and, quickly, without even thinking, Rose turned from Cal, escaping his grip. That was it. How could she take much more? Rose glanced at the exit and saw a few more eyes upon her. Everything that society had ever taught her had stopped her from just sprinting out of the room and never returning, but she calmed herself and managed to clear her bleary eyes.
When she reached the exit, Rose ran as fast as she could to the bathroom. She had hoped dinner would go well and that she would be able to retreat to her room by nine o’clock, forgetting about the New Year’s Eve celebrations. All the year held for her was misery anyway.
After seeing her reflection in the large oak mirror, she felt tears prick her eyes. Here she was, faced with herself. She despised her life, she despised herself, and most of all, she despised Caledon Hockley. Taking a deep breath, she felt the tightness of her dress and put her hand over her stomach. She felt as though she was slowly being suffocated. Suddenly, she began to choke. It felt as though her airways had closed and her lungs had stopped working. Throwing her clutch onto the side of the sink, she coughed loudly, her chokes echoing around the toilets. She thought she was going to vomit, but instead all she could do was dry heave. She lifted her head from the sink and saw her pale face, tears rolling down her cheeks. Quickly, she wiped them away. She remembered a time when she was an outgoing girl. Now she was reduced to this...lonely and frightened. Now she was a shadow of her former self. She shook her head as she tried to steady her breathing. She could see her hands shaking. For a few seconds, her ears rang. She could hear her own voice screaming at her to get out of the relationship and stand up to Cal. She didn't deserve this.
Something overcame her, something which gave her strength and the feeling of being powerful for just those few seconds. Opening her clutch, she found the red lipstick that she had purchased that morning. She applied it quickly and perfectly before pressing her lips together and fastening her purse shut. Taking one last look at her reflection, she felt satisfied for the first time in a long time. As she walked from the bathroom, she felt newfound confidence come over her. She looked around the room to find Cal or her mother. Sure enough, she found her fiancé chatting with a tall blonde girl. She played with his tie and his face was just inches away from hers. Inside, she blew up. Instead of feeling short and fat next to this supermodel blonde, she felt hatred. Without even thinking, she strutted towards them, neither of them noticing her presence.
“So, you're not working the street corner tonight, I see.”
Immediately, the blonde pulled away from Cal. Rose saw the look in his eyes.