Jack and Rose walked off the bridge in silence, Rose limping as her now-shoeless foot felt the full effect of the cold. The thin stocking was already shredded, denying her even that meager protection.
After a moment, Jack stopped under a streetlight, looking at her. “What happened to your shoe?”
“It fell in the river.”
He sat down, quickly removing his own shoes and handing her his socks. “Put these on.”
“You don’t have to give me—“
He was already putting his shoes back on over his bare feet. “It’s two miles back to the apartment. You’ll get frostbite.”
Rose sat down and slipped the socks on her bare foot, grateful for the warmth. After a moment, they started on their way again, Jack staying close to Rose.
“Rose—what were you doing?”
“Nothing.” Rose pressed her lips together. Earlier, she had wanted to talk to Jack, but now that he had saved her from committing suicide, she was embarrassed. Why had she done that? She didn’t really want to die.
“Nothing? You were about to jump off a bridge. That isn’t nothing.”
“I was looking for Nettie.”
“Bullshit, Rose. Even if Nettie did get out, which I doubt, she wouldn’t be all the way down here.”
Rose narrowed her eyes, quickening her step and walking ahead of him. Jack hurried to catch up, grabbing her arm to stop her.
“Rose, come on. You need to wait for me.”
“I’m fine.”
“This is a dangerous area.”
“I went through it once without getting hurt.”
“Well, I almost didn’t, so would you please walk with me?”
“Well, then, hurry up. I’m cold, and it’s starting to snow.”
Jack set his jaw, walking more quickly. What is her problem? I’m the one who almost got arrested keeping her from jumping off that bridge, and she’s treating me like I’m the one who did something stupid.
It wasn’t until they reached the neighborhood where Jack had exchanged words with the drunk and Rose had nearly been accosted by the vagrant that she finally spoke up.
“It was everything.”
“What?”
“The reason I was on the bridge—it was everything.”
“Okay…” He glanced at her briefly, then turned his attention back to where they were. It was quieter now, most of the businesses having closed for the night, but still not a safe place to be walking at two o’clock in the morning. “What’s everything?”
“Everything. My whole life and everyone in it. Everything is just plunging ahead, whether I like it or not. I have no control over my own life.” She looked around, relieved to see that they were past the dangerous neighborhood they had been walking through and were only a few blocks from Jack’s apartment. “Look, I know what you must be thinking. Poor little rich girl. What does she have to be upset about? I’ve got everything—a rich fiancé, a nice house, everything a person could want.”
“Actually, no. That’s not what I was thinking. I was wondering what could have happened to you to make you want to jump off a bridge.”
Rose looked down, concentrating on the snowy ground and the cold dampness seeping through the socks Jack had loaned her. “Like I said, it was everything. My mother, my friends, Cal…I just got a little overwhelmed.”
“I think you just won the understatement of the year award.” They were approaching Jack’s apartment building. “Where are you parked?”
“At home.”
“At home…how did you get here?”
“I walked.”
“Four miles? At night? In this weather?”
“Yes.”
Jack sighed. “Rose, why don’t you wait in the lobby while I go upstairs and borrow Mrs. Di Rossi’s car keys? Hopefully it won’t take long, unless she’s awake and yells at me for going outside in the middle of the night.”
Rose shook her head. “You don’t need to drive me home, Jack. I walked to get here and I can walk back.”
“It’s another four miles, and you’re already freezing. Also, I don’t want to walk around Philadelphia alone at night, and I’m a guy. There are some things that are less likely to happen to me than to you.” He looked up the street toward the bus stop, then shook his head. There wouldn’t be another bus for a couple of hours. “Or I can call you a taxi.”
“I don’t have any money.”
“Then I’m driving you home.”
“Jack—“
Jack hurried up the steps, Rose beside him. “Rose, come on.”
Sighing, Rose nodded. “All right, Jack.” She followed him inside, more grateful than she cared to admit for the warmth. The lobby was unheated, but compared to outside, it was wonderfully warm.
Rose sat down on one of the hard chairs, stripping off the socks Jack had loaned her and rubbing her foot. She wished she hadn’t lost her shoe, and hoped her mother wouldn’t notice that it was missing. She supposed she could always blame Nettie, saying that the dog had chewed it up, but Nettie was four years old and had largely stopped chewing anything but her toys. Still, there was no way Rose would admit to her mother—or her sisters, or Cal—that she had tried to jump off a bridge.
Jack came back down a moment later, the car keys in his hand. “You ready to go?”
Rose put the damp, filthy socks back on her foot. “I guess.”
They drove the four miles, silent again, Rose staring ahead the whole time. When they reached Rose’s neighborhood, she finally spoke.
“Drop me off next door to my house, please. If Mom or Julie or Lucy are awake, I don’t want them seeing me.”
When Jack pulled the car to a stop and turned the engine off, Rose reached for the door handle, but Jack’s voice stopped her.
“Rose…I saw you come up the building earlier, then leave. I called your name, but you didn’t stop.”
“I didn’t hear you.”
“I was outside smoking—you know how Mrs. Di Rossi is about smoking.”
“Just like my mother.”
“You seemed upset, and I wondered why you were there. I also saw the direction you were heading in, so I followed you.”
Rose looked out the window for a moment, then turned to him. “Jack…thank you. I…it would have been a mistake to jump off that bridge. Also…um…thank you for going along with what I said to the cop. I don’t know if you can get arrested for trying to jump off a bridge, but…”
“I don’t know, either. Rose—“
“Please don’t tell anyone, Jack, especially not my mother. Don’t tell Mrs. Di Rossi, either.”
“I won’t. Rose…what—why did you try to jump off that bridge? You said it was everything, but…”
Rose looked at her hands for a moment. “I got accepted into Berkeley. I got a full scholarship, too.”
“What?” Jack looked at her in confusion. “You don’t have to go, you know. Just say you changed your mind.”
“I want to go.”
Jack stared at her, wondering what he was missing. “You tried to jump off a bridge because you got accepted into the college you wanted to go to?”
“I can’t go. I’m getting married in June.”
Jack nodded, beginning to understand. “Why did you apply to Berkeley, anyway, when you knew you’d be getting married and living on this side of the country?”
“It’s where I wanted to go. I got accepted into all the colleges I applied to, but…this is the one I really want to go to. Besides, I knew you had applied, and since we both want to study art, I thought it might be nice to go to college together.” She glanced up at him. “Did you hear from Berkeley yet?”
He nodded. “Yes. I got a letter from them this afternoon. I got in. No scholarship or anything, but I’ve got the money your dad left me, plus some I inherited from my parents, and I’ve applied for some other scholarships, so…I’ll do okay.”
“So you’re going, then.”
“Yeah.”
Rose looked away, biting her lower lip. It was bad enough that she would be getting married and wouldn’t be allowed to go to college, but Jack would be clear across the country.
“Congratulations.”
“Thanks. Rose…if you want to go to Berkeley, why don’t you delay the wedding a year or two? You don’t seem very excited about it.”
“It’s fine. It’s my wedding, after all.”
“It just seems like, if you were really looking forward to getting married, you wouldn’t have applied to a college so far away.”
“It was a mistake, okay?!” Rose’s voice was sharper than she intended. Taking a deep breath, she went on, “I didn’t think before I applied. It was a dumb thing to do. I’m getting married in June—and I’m looking forward to it.” When Jack looked at her skeptically, she added, “Really.”
“Rose, come on...”
“I am looking forward to it. It’s going to be the kind of wedding every girl dreams about. I’ll be marrying a rich, handsome man with a good future…”
“Do you love him?”
“What?”
“Do you love Cal, or not?”
“Why are you asking me that?”
“Because you sure don’t sound very loving when you talk about him.”
“Look, Jack, I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I love Cal.” The words sounded hollow even to her. “Really,” she repeated.
“Rose, you’re no picnic, okay? You’re a spoiled brat, even, but under that, you’re…you’re one of the most amazing girls I’ve ever known. You keep saying you’re happy, but after what happened tonight—and the way you talk about Cal—I don’t think you are. You’re meant for more than this, Rose.”
“Jack, I…” Rose reached for the door handle. “I’m looking forward to being married—doesn’t every girl look forward to that? I have everything a girl could want.” She opened the door, stepping out into the deepening snow. “Here’s your socks back.”
“Rose…”
“Good night, Jack. Thank you for the ride.”
Without another word, she closed the car door and hurried through the snow toward her own yard, slipping through the gate and watching until Jack drove away.
*****
Rose was never more grateful for the warmth of her house. As she closed her window and changed into a warm nightgown, her eyes kept straying to the pile of papers on her desk that she had stacked there while cleaning up the mess she’d made.
The acceptance letter from Berkeley was on top. Though she knew there was no way she could attend the university, she couldn’t help but wish that she could.
Finally, just before she slipped into bed, she made up her mind. Quickly sorting through the papers, she selected the ones she would need to accept the scholarship and enroll in the university. After placing them inside her art textbook, she climbed into bed. She would write a letter to the university in study hall tomorrow.
As she fell asleep, Rose hoped desperately that she would be able to think of a way to convince Cal to postpone the wedding.