GHOSTS
Chapter One

Life is full of surprises. Just one year ago I felt lonely, lost and trapped, confined to what others expected of me. For as long as I could remember, it seemed as if people assumed they knew absolutely everything about me before they ever took the chance to learn my emotions and soul. My dreams and desires were always placed on an imaginary shelf and I was just an ornament for display.

Up until a few months before, I had been accepting of my situation. I wasn't going to truly fit in or belong to the popular cliques. Everyone around me ignored my hopes to be free, to be so spontaneous and go wherever my heart would take me. Whenever I felt the urge to live the moment, I was forced my them to stop and behave like a young lady. Instead of asking me what I wanted or thought, others had just taken control of my life, leading me around.

Everything about my life was pre-determined: where I'd go next, what books I would read, the clothing I wore and even makeup and hair had to follow society's dictates of fashion. I felt as if I were a slave in chains, but outwardly I appeared content. However, inside, I was a screaming mess.

The world was a place I desired to venture and explore. In many ways, that seemed impossible as if I was confined to the same place. Beginning to loathe every minute, I became more independent, only spending time mainly with my family. It seemed as if everyone else had other things more important than to know me, despite hours I endured listening to their every worry and fear.

Guys in my life were another despairing part. Sure, people said they stared and admired me, but nothing ever developed. I cared greatly for one specific guy, but it seemed my feelings were never appropriately returned. Still, he expected me to remain as if he were my one and only.

Another guy that I felt extremely close to was Daniel. He was the only one who really paid attention to me even when I hadn't done anything to draw the attention to me. I admired him and he began to help me place that doomed relationship in the past. But I knew our relationship could go nowhere beyond friendship, especially since he had a girlfriend.

One guy I found dark and depressing, but other suggested he displayed a particular interest and attraction to me. I won't dare mention his name, but it did begin to grow obvious to me as well, especially when he'd move in closer to me or make suggestive comments. At one point, he even began to place his arm possessively around me, using force at times to keep me with him when I sometimes attempted to pull away. I hated spending moments alone with him, mostly when he'd arrive at my door late at night and raking me over with his icy eyes that revealed his true darkness to me. It always seemed like the guys I liked didn't know I existed--at times it felt like no one knew--and those who liked me were after their ulterior motives. Still, I hoped my prince would come some day, although I became more and more disillusioned each day.

On February 23, 1998, it was our senior ditch day. All the other classmates had some fun, fascinating event planned, spending time with others. The only thing I had planned was to go home and be alone. No one even invited me anywhere. One thing bothering me was that my crush seemed to hardly have any time for me. Apparently, he was too busy going to lunch with his group of friends including several girls. Another depressing thing occurred while waiting for our dismissal as my best friend and two other classmates got a laugh from ridiculing everything I did, said, or didn't say or do. My strong resolve was slowly starting to crumble. I guess one could say I was melancholy.

When the time came for us to be released from the cafeteria, I hopped in my cousin's truck, desiring to get away. I was intrigued when he suggested his girlfriend, him, and I go on the ship called the Queen Mary to see the Titanic exhibit.

Excited, I agreed. Titanic had become my all-time favorite movie when I saw it a month before, not just because of the beautiful love story, but because I related so much to the main character of Rose and I was told by some I looked like her. She, too, had the same feelings as me and we were kindred spirits. Watching the film, I felt identical to Rose. Jack, the steerage boy she shares the romance with, was the perfect embodiment of the man I desired to have enter my life. I never knew how true it is that sometimes you get just what you wish for.

Once we got home, my cousin and his girlfriend got ready to go in his room behind the garage while I changed clothes and redid my hair, pulling it all back due to the wind and dark skies. I wasn't the only one doing that--all the women on board that day had their hair securely pinned back.

For a moment, I studied my reflection in the mirror. No one really looked at me in a while. A majority of the time, they just checked to see if I was still around, but never really paid attention to me. I felt like a diamond in a safe. The thing I wanted most was to have someone look at me as an individual and see who I really was.

Once we were on board, I paraded about, outwardly exuding false delight. The exhibit was enjoyable, but my mind was still so preoccupied with everything else. It seemed I was reaching my wit's end. My cousin's girlfriend went to go look in a shop and my cousin and I ran into my religion teacher in the main hall. We chatted for a few minutes, but my mind drifted. My eyes must have as well and that's when I saw him. I could feel his eyes on me even then. I quickly looked away, stunned! He looked just like Jack Dawson in Titanic! Surely, I was imagining him. Then, I looked back, but he was still staring. It felt awkward, unnerving, yet incredibly flattering. All too soon, it was interrupted by my cousin wanting to find his girlfriend. No way did I dare mention it to him. He'd think I was hallucinating and I actually believed I was. After all, guys just stared, right?

After we found his girlfriend, we went out to the bow. I was impressed by the magnificence of the ship and marveled at how it would feel to travel across the sea, imagining as the wind blew with force against me. It was breathtaking.

Soon, the girlfriend needed to use the restroom so I excused myself and began to head to the stern alone. Exiting the enclosed promenade, I recalled the movie briefly. No one was around and the wind blew me backwards.

Suddenly, I felt myself walk to the stairwell railing and I rested my arms on it, gazing out past the ship to the ocean beyond. I felt alone with those who I couldn't understand and who didn't try to understand me. There seemed like no one else in the world who would ever be able to understand me. It scared me, feeling so alone.

Then, I felt eyes on me again and my eyes immediately came to rest on the young man from the main hall again, leaning back against the stern railing below on the edge of the ship, a notebook resting in his lap. But I quickly noticed only his eyes that locked with mine across the distance. He held me with that look and I felt both wonder and slight annoyance at his intrusion. I'll never be able to forget that moment.

Never wanting to venture to a man before simply because he looked at me, I decided to try something new; to be bold like how I felt and to live in the moment. I went down the stairs to the stern, but he was nowhere to be found. Of course, I figured. Just like everything else. Nothing.

My eyes found the end of the ship, the stern railing now only a few feet away and beyond that nothing. For minutes, it was like I became entranced, gazing intently at the rail as I walked slowly and with determination to it. Over and over, I kept hearing old Rose's voice, "I saw my whole life as if I already lived it: an endless parade of parties and cotillions, yachts and polo matches, always the same narrow people, the same mindless chatter. I felt like I was standing at a great precipice with no one to pull me back, no one who cared or even noticed."

Before I knew it, I was staring down at the water beneath the ship--on the safe side--wondering what it would have been like to jump, how Rose was feeling. I stepped onto the rail, one foot at a time. My hair was even feeling restricted. The conformity around me suddenly seemed disgusting so I let my hair fall and billow recklessly in the gusts, auburn showing a fire I hoped was burning within my soul as much as my heart. Leaning forward slowly, I stared at the water more intently, my elbows straightening. Honestly, I felt dazed.

"Hi," a voice said with slight apprehension. I spun my head around, my eyes taking a moment to focus. It was the guy again, his sandy blond hair, a little long, blowing across his somewhat tanned forehead and smooth cheeks. He was very handsome, just exactly the same as Jack in the movie.

With hesitation, I replied, "Hello."

At first, I moved to climb down, remembering a similar scene from the movie, but I stopped and looked back to the water in disbelief at how it flowed so freely. He took a step toward me, his hand extending somewhat as I briefly wobbled, the wind urging me back.

He tilted his head, looked at me, and with that same voice, he said, "Don't fall." After a smile that made me melt, a serious look crossed his face again as his eyes looked back to where we first saw each other. A little dryly, he asked, "So. was that your boyfriend?"

I laughed, no longer nervous around him, surprisingly. "No. That was my cousin."

He laughed himself, appearing a little embarrassed. My mind was reeling. This guy was the perfect embodiment of the character Jack Dawson in look, personality, voice, and mannerisms. We even met like Rose and him. Then, to my shock, he asked, his eyes on me intently again, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Why?" I answered, in awe of him, yet with suspicion.

"Just wanted to make sure." He looked up at the sky like he was searching for anything for a discussion. "It's a nice day, isn't it?"

It was an ugly day, like how I had been feeling. I was aware of his attempts and flattered. Desiring to flirt, I took on a playful, haughty air and laughed, "Nice? It looks like it's going to pour at any moment."

The young man smiled with realization, "I guess you're right. I'm more of a sunshine boy myself."

I could see he was trying his hardest to keep our conversation going and I was enjoying him despite my quickened pulse and protective wall building. Besides, we had something in common. "So am I." Then I blushed, realizing my error. "I mean a sunshine girl of course."

He took one more step forward, cautiously stretching out a hand, putting it easily within my reach as I almost lost my footing. "Here, let me help you."

"All right," I answered, as magically I knew I trusted him.

As our hands locked, I felt my heart skip a beat. My eyes found his and I fell under the spell of their crystal blue clarity. I trusted him suddenly like I had never trusted anyone. It was like I was seeing his heart and soul as a genuine concern appeared reflected there. This close, it was clear to see he was gentle and kind.

When I stumbled slightly and fell into him, his arms supported and protected me. I could feel their strength and the warmth of his breath as he added, "I've got you," and softly tightening his grip on my hand, "and I won't let go."

No words can describe how I felt at that moment in time, as our eyes locked again, the intensity of his eyes and our bodies so close. I felt so safe and secure with him, surprising for a man I just met. He was like an answered prayer, coming into my life at just the right moment and restoring faith and hope.

After catching me in his arms, the young gentleman smiled at me. Our hands still lingered in each other's grasps. I didn't want to let go and he seemed to loathe the thought as well. Then, he asked, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." I replied, laughing from the embarrassment.

His gorgeous eyes watched me, causing butterflies to enter the pit of my stomach. It was as if he could see right through me and immediately I felt connected to him. When our eyes locked again, I was amazed at how he seemed to see deep within my soul with that intense, penetrating gaze of his. My heart beat rapidly and I couldn't think of how to move next. Sighing, I drew in a deep breath and responded, "Thank you."

To that, he replied, "Anytime."

Then, he turned and peered up at the sun deck. When he looked back to me, a sad smile filled his face, catching me off guard. Softly, he said after looking at his watch, "I have to go, but I hope to see...that you have a good day." And he gently kissed my hand.

Later as I waited at the exit while my cousin went to find his girlfriend once again, my eyes gazed back to the stern through the downpour. I wondered why the man left so suddenly and without leaving a name. Suddenly, I heard, "Hi again." and when I looked up there he was again.

The way his eyes stared intently at me, they filled my universe. I had never felt so vulnerable, so trusting in all my life before. With a quick smile, I asked him with flirtatious mischief, "Are you following me?"

He laughed gently and slightly blushed, "Call me whatever you want. I've never done all this before, but I'm willing to now."

I was puzzled and noticed my cousin and her returning just as they had appeared while he left before. His face turned red and he glanced in their general direction, a frightened look on his handsome face. It was my turn to take the initiative since I could see how their presence perturbed him. "Well, it looks like I have to go this time. It was nice meeting you."

"You, too." He smiled, offering his hand.

My cousin and his girlfriend reached me and we started down the plank. I turned back to peer at him again and found his eyes watching back at me. Scared of what would happen once I was in my world, I grew comforted as he smiled and waved. I didn't want to stop staring back at him, fearful that if I did the magical ghost of Jack Dawson would have all been an incredible dream. But I had felt him, smelled him, and knew in my heart he was real. That last image of him would haunt my mind forever.

Chapter Two
Stories