JUST WHEN I NEEDED YOU
Chapter Eleven

Rose lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, the only indication she was alive was the slight rise and fall of her chest. It had been two weeks since the rape. Two weeks since she had shut down. Rose hadn't uttered a word to anyone, except the ones she screamed in her sleep at night. She barely ate, and more over, refused to even look at Jack. It was like Rose thought he was the one who had attacked her. She moved her things into a separate room and cringed whenever Jack attempted to touch her. This was killing him. There were three and a half weeks until their wedding, provided it still happened, and Rose ignored him completely. But Jack wasn't going to give up. He loved her too much.

*****

Jack stood in the doorway, his heart breaking at the sight of his once bright, cheerful, lively, and impulsive Rose, giving up on life. Risking being shoved away, he took a few cautious steps into the room. "Rose?"

Rose flinched but didn't look in his direction.

"Rose, please, honey, just look at me. Please," Jack begged, taking a few more steps.

Rose grunted and rolled over, facing away from him. Jack sighed; this was the way it always happened. Usually he gave up at this point, but there was something telling him not to, tonight. So instead, he covered the last few feet and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Rose, I need you to look at me. To talk to me. I want to help you, but I can't if you keep pushing me away."

Rose closed her eyes and willed Jack to get up and go away. But he didn't; he kept babbling. He wanted to help her. Nothing could help her. All she wanted was to die and take Cal to hell with her. But knowing Jack as she did, Rose knew he wasn't going to leave her alone again. Not tonight. After two weeks of silence, she knew there was no way to get out of talking to him. Reluctantly, she rolled over to face him, purposely avoiding his eyes. She didn't want to see the concern, the love that resided there. Not now.

"Are you going to talk to me?" Jack asked hesitantly, not wanting to push her back into her shell.

Rose nodded slightly and attempted to sit up, but couldn't muster enough energy. Jack saw her struggle and gingerly put an arm around her and pulled her into a sitting position. He also took note that she hadn't winced or pulled away at that contact, and hoped it was a sign. Rose gave him a small grateful smile and pulled her limp curls back into a ponytail.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked, knowing it was a stupid question, but was trying to get her to open up.

"I don't know anymore, Jack. I don't know what okay even is."

"Are you okay with my being here? If you're not, I'll leave. I just want you to be comfortable."

Rose tensed. She hadn't been expecting that. Lifting her head, she met his eyes, damning herself as she did. Every emotion she had held back for the past two weeks, every ounce of love she had for this man sitting in front of her, rushed forward when she looked into those eyes. Even after what she had gone through, his pools of blue made her weak. She slowly shook her head. "Please don't leave, Jack. I know I've been giving you the silent treatment, but please don't go. I need you."

Jack looked relieved. "Okay, I'm not going anywhere. Uh..." He paused. "Can I ask you why you've been ignoring me?"

Rose hesitated, hearing the hurt in his voice. Why had she shut him out? He loved her and wanted to help her, but she pushed him away without a second thought. "I...I don't know. I guess I was scared."

A shadow of pain crossed Jack's tanned face. "Scared of me?"

Rose felt tears threatening to escape when she caught that look. "No, not scared of you. I could never be scared of you. More like scared of being touched by anyone. It had nothing to do with you."

"Okay...I'm just worried about you, Rose. I know this is going to be hard to overcome and I'm not expecting it to happen overnight. But you have to live again. You can't live like this, in this room anymore. Remember, you're not just living for you, you're carrying our child."

Rose stared at Jack. She knew he was right. "I know," she said quietly.

Jack could see she was tired, and gave her a tense smile. "I'm going downstairs to make dinner. I want you to come down and eat tonight. If not for you, then for the baby," he said, getting up.

Just before he exited, Rose stopped him. "Jack, wait."

He turned around. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

Jack broke out into a huge smile. "I love you, too."

*****

In the next few days, things seemed to get back to normal. Rose started eating and talking to Jack. She had even moved her stuff back into the room they shared prior. She still hadn't left the house and not said a word about getting married, but Jack decided not to push her. They had a long life ahead of them to wed, so if it didn't happen on August fourteenth, it wasn't going to be the end of the world.

*****

Jack sat at his desk, working hard to meet his deadline when the phone rang. Sticking the pencil behind his ear, he picked up the receiver. "Gander Illustrations."

"Jack? It's Rose."

"Oh, hey Rose. Everything okay?"

"Yeah...I just wanted to call and tell you I love you."

Jack smiled, although somewhat bothered by this. "I love you, too. Is that all?"

"Um...yeah."

"Okay, sweetie. I'll see you when I get home. Love ya."

"Hmm, if you say so. Love you."

The dial tone came on before Jack had the chance to reply. What in the world was THAT about? She had never called to just say she loved him. There was something going on here. All of a sudden something she had said that morning at breakfast came floating back to his mind.

"I can't live like this anymore, Jack. I can't."

As hard as he tried, Jack couldn't push that thought out of his head. She wouldn't...would she? "Calm down, Jack. She was probably just lonely," Jack told himself. But there was that thought again. Quickly, he dialed his home phone number. One, two, three rings. After the fifth ring, the answering machine picked up. Slamming the phone, he grabbed his keys and went to find Ed.

*****

Checking the time one more time, Rose nodded. This was it. She put the five-page letter to Jack on the kitchen table where she knew he'd find it and headed upstairs. It wasn't the best way to go, but her only option. Slowly, she approached the double French doors that led out onto the master bedroom balcony. The same one she and Jack spent many nights talking, sometimes making love, but mostly talking, on. Quite hesitantly, she advanced to the railing, staring out at the rolling fields, patio, and the pool below. By far, this was the best view to be a last scene. Closing her eyes, she started to climb over the railing. As she pulled the last leg over, Rose opened her eyes and turned around to face away from the house. Gingerly, she leaned out, her hands still clutching the railing for dear life. It would be so easy to let go. Just as she was about to take the plunge to below, a voice made her stop.

"Don't do it."

*****

Jack closed his eyes, trying to comprehend the image before him. His beloved Rose, hanging off the balcony, about to end her life. Counting to five, he inched closer. "Don't do it."

Rose's head whipped around. "Go away, Jack. This is for the best."

Jack came a little closer. "The best for who, Rose? Not for me. Not for the baby. Certainly, not for you."

Rose's eyes glazed over and she glared at him. "Stay back! Don't come any closer. I'll let go. I mean it."

Jack stared at her. "No you won't."

"What? Don't presume to tell me what I will and will not do. You don't need me anymore," Rose said, irritated.

Jack gave her a cocky smile that pissed her off. "Well, you would've done it already."

"You're distracting me. Go away."

"I can't Rose. You might think I don't need you, but somewhere inside, you know that's not true. I love you, remember? We're supposed to get married in a few weeks. I can't just walk away," Jack said, as he approached the railing. "Come on, you don't wanna do this." Jack extended his hand to her.

Rose hesitated, but after taking a glance at his sincere face and panic filled eyes, she nodded. He was right; she didn't want to do this.

Jack let out a sigh of relief as she turned to face him. He tightly gripped her wrists. "Come on. I'll help you over."

Rose held onto him as she started to climb back. Suddenly, her sandal got caught, causing her to slip. Screaming, she began to fall towards the ground below. But Jack took charge, grabbing her waist and finally hoisting her to safety. Rose's body was wracked with sobs and Jack pulled her close. "Shh. It's okay now, Rosie. You're okay," he whispered, stroking her hair.

*****

An hour later, Rose and Jack both had calmed somewhat from their ordeal and sat in the living room, talking.

"Why?" Jack asked simply.

Rose cringed and took a sip of her coffee. "Because I can't live without you," she said softly.

"But I'm here, Rose. You don't have to live without me."

Rose sighed. "But not for much longer. How can you stay with me, knowing...what he did? Knowing someone touched me in the way only you're supposed to? Surely you can't love me anymore."

Jack's heart broke at the revelation. She actually thought that? "Rose," Jack started, taking the hand that still bore her engagement ring. "What happened...was NOT your fault. Regardless of what you think, I don't hate you. I don't find you revolting. And I sure as hell don't blame you. I love you more then anything in this world. It breaks my heart to see you like this and to know what you've been thinking. I want to take away your pain and it kills me to know I can't. I want to kill the person who did this with my bare hands. But none of that, nor could anything waiver my love for you. This," he held up her hand. "This still holds true. No matter what, I still want to spend my life with you. I want us to have this baby and many others want to watch them grow. I want us to grow old together...still in as much love as we are now, in eighty years. I don't care if some asshole touched you, because I know it's me you love."

Rose looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "You still want to marry me? Even after..."

"Yes Rose. I couldn't stand not being with you for the rest of my life. That's why if you...if I hadn't come home when I did today, I'd have to jump after you. I can't live without you. You jump, I jump. Just remember that."

Rose's face dissolved into tears as she clung to Jack, burying herself into his chest. Jack sat, holding her close, whispering sweet nothings to her. Once she had calmed down, she pulled away to lock her eyes with his. A mischievous smile played with the corners of her mouth.

"What's going on in that mind of yours, Miss DeWitt-Bukater?" Jack asked.

"I was just...wondering. If we're supposed to get married in a few weeks, why aren't we planning the damn thing? As I recall, we still have to reserve a limo service, hire a DJ, and buy our rings."

Jack's jaw dropped as he stood up. "You still want to marry on the fourteenth?"

Rose nodded. "Yes. Something horrible happened to me, but I don't want to let Cal ruin this for me. I have to move on," she said, not realizing what she said until after.

Jack's face went red with rage. "Cal did this?"

Silently, Rose nodded, looking down at her feet.

Jack sunk down onto the couch, pulling Rose into his arms. Unable to help himself, he buried his face in her hair, tears falling freely. "I'm so sorry Rose. I should've been there. I should've just came home. I was too late. I'm so sorry."

Rose wiped the tears from his eyes, as he did the same to her. "It's not your fault, Jack. It's just something that happened. After...after the wedding, I think we should move, though. I won't feel safe when he's around and with a baby...I just don't think..." Rose's voice trailed off.

Jack nodded. "Okay. It might be a few months, but I promise you, we'll be out of Chippewa Falls by the end of the year. Where would you want to go?"

Rose's eyes lit up. "California, maybe?"

Jack grinned. "Sounds good to me. Maybe we can settle in Santa Monica. It's beautiful there. I know Fabri, Helga, and Sam are still there. Oh, Rose. You'd love it there. The weather, the people, just all of it."

Rose hugged Jack. "Thank you. And I'm sorry. For everything. I really do love you."

"And I really do love you."

Rose smiled and slowly allowed herself to drown in Jack's steadfast love.

Chapter Twelve
Stories