Jack and Rose sat on the floor of the hospital room, holding each other, until their tears had subsided. Finally, Rose sat up, her good arm still around Jack. Wiping her eyes on her sleeve, she got up, helping Jack to his feet.
Jack helped her put her arm back in the sling, then put his good arm around her and walked her to the door, ignoring the janitor who had come to clean the now-empty room. When they were in the hallway, he turned to her.
"The doctor told me I was well enough to go home. I don’t know about you, though."
"I’m going home," Rose told him, turning her tear-streaked face to his. "I don’t want to stay here. What time is it, anyway?"
Jack looked around the hallway, finally locating a clock. "It’s about 4:30 AM."
"Then we should fetch Lizzy…where is Lizzy? She is all right, isn’t she?" Her eyes widened with fear. She couldn’t lose all of her children in one night. Life couldn’t be that unfair.
"Lizzy’s fine, Rose." His arm still around her, he turned them in the direction of the elevator. "They brought her to me before I went to see you. I called Mari, and she came and got her. Mari wanted to stay for us, but I convinced her to take Lizzy back to the apartment."
Rose exhaled in relief, but looked up at him anyway. "She…she’s not hurt?"
"Nothing that a few band-aids can’t fix. She had a couple of cuts and scrapes and a few bruises. Mostly, she’s just scared out of her wits."
"I can imagine." Rose sighed, leaning against him. "Poor Lizzy…being in that horrible car accident and calling 9-1-1 by herself…where did she get a phone, by the way?"
"She took the cell phone from my belt. She’s a smart, level-headed girl—especially for a four-year-old."
Rose’s eyes teared up again. "We’ll have to tell her about Paul. Oh, Jack, how are we going to explain to her that her baby brother is gone and isn’t coming back? I don’t know if she’ll understand."
"She’ll understand eventually. She has to. Even if we can’t quite explain it to her satisfaction, she’ll notice that he’s not there."
"I don’t know, Jack. She’s so young…when David died, I tried to explain death to her, but she didn’t understand until we went to the funeral and she saw him in his casket. And even then, it took her a while to stop asking if we were going to see him."
"Maybe she’ll understand better this time." Jack embraced her for a moment before turning and escorting her toward the elevator. He stopped an orderly in the hall. "Excuse me. I’ve been discharged from the hospital, but I don’t know if my wife is ready to leave. Who should we ask to find out?"
Rose shook her head. “I’m going home, Jack. I want to be with you and Lizzy, not stuck here in the hospital.”
“Rose, you know I don’t usually insist on anything, but…tonight I lost my son and my unborn child. I’m not going to lose you, too. If the doctor wants you to stay, you’re staying.”
“No, Jack.”
“Yes, Rose.”
“No!” Rose’s eyes filled with tears again. “I am not staying here!”
The orderly cleared his throat. “Who’s your doctor, ma’am?”
Rose wiped her eyes, then turned to him. “I don’t know. I was in the emergency room.”
“Then you should go back to the emergency room to find out if you can be discharged or not.”
“I’m not staying here!” Rose insisted.
Jack looked at her tiredly. “Rose…maybe we should talk to the doctor before making any decisions. Fair enough?”
“Jack…”
“Please, Rose.”
Rose looked down. Jack seldom pleaded with her for anything.
“All right, Jack. We’ll see what the doctor says.”
*****
The doctor agreed to release Rose from the hospital, but reluctantly, allowing it only after Rose promised she would rest and agreed to come back immediately if she developed a fever, dizziness, or heavy bleeding.
When Rose joined Jack in the waiting room, she realized something. “Jack…how are we going to get home?”
“I thought about calling Mari, but I didn’t want to disturb Lizzy. I’ll call a cab. I think we have enough cash between us to cover the fare.”
Rose nodded slowly. “I got cash from an ATM yesterday…or was it two days ago?” Back when everything was normal, she thought. A lifetime ago…even if it was only a few hours.
Jack put his good arm around her, clumsily dialing the number for a local cab company into Rose's cell phone with his other hand. Within a few minutes, a cab was on the way, and half an hour later they pulled up in front of their apartment.
After paying the driver, they made their way to the door, Jack reaching into his pocket for his keys and only then realizing that they had been lost in the accident.
“Rose, do you have your keys?”
Rose dug exhaustedly into her purse, which had been salvaged from the wreckage, largely because the strap had been around one of her feet when she was taken from the car. “Here—” she started to say when the door opened, a sleepy-eyed Mari standing in the doorway.
Jack and Rose followed her inside, more glad than ever that they had given Mari a key to the apartment not long after they had moved there.
Mari spoke to them in a low voice. “Thank God you guys are okay! When Jack called and asked me to pick up Lizzy, I was so worried…” She noticed something then. “Where’s Paul? Is he in the hospital?”
Rose’s face crumpled at the mention of her son’s name, while Jack clenched his already painful jaw tightly in an effort to control his emotions. “Paul…he…he didn’t make it, Mari,” he told her.
Mari stared at them in shock. “He…he died? But he was just a baby…”
Rose sank onto the couch, wiping her eyes and taking a deep, shuddering breath. “The other car hit right where he was. His head was partially crushed…he was brain dead when we went to see him in the hospital. We…we decided to take him off life support and donate his organs.”
“Oh, my God. Poor little Paul…and poor you. What an awful decision to have to make…and he was just a baby. I can’t believe he’s gone…”
“Neither can we, Mari,” Rose responded. “I…I guess it’ll sink in eventually. We have to tell Lizzy…I don’t know if she’ll understand.” Rose looked toward the hallway, then back at Mari. “She is okay, isn’t she, Mari? Jack said she wasn’t badly hurt…”
“She’s okay, Rose. I put her to bed when we got here, and she fell right back asleep. She slept most of the way from the hospital. I’m lucky I didn’t get pulled over…I didn’t have a car seat for her.”
“We’ll have to get her another one,” Rose said dully, relieved that Lizzy was okay but exhausted now. She leaned against Jack, whose exhaustion was also showing.
“Why don’t you guys go to bed? I’ll stay here and take care of Lizzy…I’ll bring her to you when she wakes up.” Mari was beginning to get teary-eyed. “Poor little Paul…I just can’t believe it.”
“Mommy? Daddy?”
All three adults looked up as Lizzy wandered sleepily out of the hallway, rubbing her eyes. The little girl was clutching her old security blanket, which she had begun to regard as babyish and seldom asked for anymore.
“Lizzy…” Rose held out her arms, finally assured that her daughter was going to be fine. Lizzy climbed up on the couch and snuggled into her mother’s arms.
"Where were you?" Lizzy wanted to know. “How come you didn’t come home with me and Aunt Mari?”
"We were getting some owies taken care of," Rose told her, using Lizzy’s word for any kind of injury. "You see?"
She showed Lizzy her right arm in the sling, and the cast on Jack’s left arm. Lizzy looked at them with interest for a moment, then looked back up at her parents’ faces.
"Mommy…your forehead looks funny."
"I bruised it, sweetie. It’ll be okay. Your daddy has a bruise, too."
"Where?"
"Right here, Lizzy." Jack showed her his jaw.
Curious, Lizzy reached up and touched her father’s jaw, running her fingers gently along it. She wrinkled her nose.
"It’s prickly," she told him.
Ruefully, Jack touched it himself. He needed to shave, but he doubted that he would try it until the bruise was healed and it wasn’t painful.
Lizzy looked around, noticing that someone was missing.
"Where’s Baby Paul?" she asked. "Is he still getting his owies fixed?"
"Lizzy…" Rose’s voice broke.
Jack put his arms around both Lizzy and Rose. "There’s something we need to talk about."
Lizzy stared at him, wide-eyed. "What did I do?" she asked, looking fearfully from him to Rose. ‘We need to talk’ usually meant that she’d done something wrong, and was about to be put in a time-out.
"Oh, Lizzy." Rose hugged her tighter. "You didn’t do anything wrong. You called 9-1-1, just like I taught you. Thank you, Lizzy."
"You’re welcome, Mommy." Lizzy hugged her back, but she was growing very uneasy. Her mother looked like she’d been crying, and Aunt Mari looked like she was about to cry, too. "What’s wrong, Mommy? Does it hurt that bad?" She looked at Rose’s arm.
"No, Busy-Lizzy. I’m okay. We just…have something very sad to tell you."
"What, Mommy?" Lizzy looked up at her, worried.
When Rose covered her eyes and whispered, "You tell her, Jack," in a broken voice, the child became even more concerned.
"What’s wrong, Daddy?" she asked, crawling into his lap.
"Lizzy…your baby brother…" Jack stopped, looking at Rose helplessly. How did they break the news of a sibling’s death to a small child?
"What about him?" Lizzy wanted to know, almost ready to cry herself. Something wasn’t right, and she knew it.
Rose took over. "Remember, Lizzy, when your great-grandpa died a few months ago? Remember how I told you that he’d gone to heaven, even though he’d miss us?"
"Uh-huh." Lizzy looked at her, not understanding what she was trying to say.
"Well, Lizzy, he doesn’t miss Baby Paul anymore."
"Why not? Did he forget him?" The four-year-old still didn’t understand.
"No, Lizzy. He didn’t forget him. Baby Paul has gone to heaven, too."
"How come he gets to visit and I don’t?"
"Lizzy…" Rose moved closer, putting her good arm around her husband and daughter. "Baby Paul didn’t go for a visit. You can’t visit heaven and come back."
"He’s not coming back?"
"No, sweetie. He isn’t coming back."
"Why?"
"Because he died, Lizzy." Rose’s eyes overflowed. "He died just a little while ago."
"Why?"
"Because he was badly hurt, and it was too much for his body. It wasn’t going to work anymore, so his soul left and went to heaven."
"But his body is still here?"
"Yes."
"Does that mean he’s in two places? Can he tell me about heaven when he gets bigger?"
"No, Lizzy." Jack hugged her tighter. "His soul was what made him alive. Without it, his body won’t do anything, and will have to be buried."
Lizzy thought about this for a moment, then nodded. "Like the gopher that Aunt Mari and me found? It died, and Aunt Mari pushed it back into its hole and pushed the dirt over it. She said it would rot and make food for the flowers."
"Yes, like that."
"But, Daddy, I don’t want you to bury Baby Paul. Can’t you change your mind?"
"No, Lizzy. I wish I could, but I can’t."
"Why?"
"Because, if we don’t bury him, he’ll rot anyway." Jack couldn’t believe he was saying this about his son. "And that wouldn’t be good for all the people around him. It might make them sick, and the flowers wouldn’t have him for food."
"So I can’t play with him anymore?"
"No."
"And he’s never going to come back?"
"I’m afraid not, sweetie." Rose stroked the girl’s head.
And in that moment, Lizzy finally comprehended what her brother’s death meant.
"No!" she howled, kicking her feet furiously. "I don’t want him to be gone! Mommy, make him come back. Make him come back right now!" Her face scrunched up angrily.
"I can’t, Lizzy. I wish I could."
"That’s not fair! I didn’t get to teach him to play Candyland, and he’s never gonna get to be a big brother!" Lizzy struggled out of her father’s arms. "It’s no fair!" Bursting into tears, she raced away from her parents and ran into the hall bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
Slowly, Jack got up and went to the bathroom door. "Lizzy? Lizzy, sweetie, come out here."
"No!"
"Come on, Lizzy."
"No! I wanna be with Baby Paul!"
"Lizzy." Rose got up, going over to the bathroom and opening the door. "You can’t be with Baby Paul."
"I could die, too," Lizzy suggested.
"No, Lizzy.” The very thought made Rose’s heart clench. “Your daddy and I would miss you very much if you did. We want you to stay with us." She doubted that Lizzy really comprehended what her own death would mean.
"I don’t care!"
"We do." Rose stepped into the bathroom, crouching down before her crying daughter, who had crawled into the cabinet under the sink, her favorite place to hide. "Come on, Busy Lizzy."
"I want Baby Paul!"
"I wish I could bring him back, Lizzy, more than anything. But I can’t. He has lots of people to take care of him, though. He’s in heaven now."
Lizzy finally crawled out from under the sink and into Rose’s embrace. Rose picked her up with her good arm, staggering a little under the child’s weight.
Jack was standing in the doorway. Taking the little girl from Rose, he cradled her against his shoulder, listening to her cry.
"Come on, Lizzy. Your mommy and I are tired and we need some sleep. You can come and sleep with us if you want."
"Okay, Daddy." Lizzy buried her face in his shoulder. “Is Aunt Mari gonna stay?”
“Of course I’ll stay, Lizzy,” Mari told her, wiping away a tear. “Your mommy and daddy need to rest, so I’ll stay here and make sure everything’s okay, and I’ll fix you some breakfast when you get up.”
“You don’t have to stay, Mari,” Rose told her. “I know you were looking forward to a few days off…”
Mari shrugged sadly. “What am I missing? A crowded mall? Hordes of people fighting over bargains? No, I’ll stay here until I’m sure you guys are okay…at least until later today.”
“Thank you, Mari.” Rose stroked Lizzy’s head. The little girl was nearly asleep again after wearing herself out crying. “You look tired yourself. You can sleep on the couch, if you like—or Lizzy’s bed, if you’d prefer.”
“Sure. I’ll do that in a little bit. You guys are the ones who really need to lay down, after the night you’ve had. I’ll be here when you wake up, and if Lizzy needs anything, I’ll help her so you can rest.”
“All right.” Rose nodded, turning to follow Jack down the hall.