PRESENT TENSE
Chapter Thirty-Four

Jack and Rose made their way down the hall to the kitchen in silence, still holding hands. Tommy and Helga were sitting at the table, eating. Dinner was halfway over, but Helga had decided against disturbing them.

She waved to their places at the table, where plates of food had been set, now growing cold. "Have a seat."

They settled into their places, looking at their plates. Rose dug into her dinner, but Jack, as usual, picked at his. Helga hadn’t served him much, knowing that he probably wouldn’t eat it, but he did make an effort this time. At Rose’s prompting, he swallowed two of the ginger capsules, then pushed anything resembling rich food out of the way on his plate and nibbled at the vegetables. Rose glanced at him, but didn’t say anything. At least he was making an effort to eat now.

If Tommy and Helga noticed his red eyes, they didn’t say anything, but they did cast surreptitious glances at his bandaged wrist, almost bursting with curiosity about just what had happened. Finally, Jack decided to enlighten them.

Looking up, he held his fork in tightly clenched fingers. "I’ve no doubt you’ve already heard about what happened today."

"You and Rose were arguing pretty loudly," Helga commented, avoiding his eyes.

He clenched his jaw. "In response to what you’ve heard, yes, I did try to…uh…commit suicide today."

"Why?" Tommy wanted to know.

"I...I just..." He shrugged. "I can’t explain it." Much as he liked his friends, he couldn’t talk to them in the same way he could talk to Rose. There was a certain level of closeness and understanding with Rose that didn’t exist with the others. "But I’m not going to try it again."

He didn’t notice the look of relief on Rose’s face when he said this. The possibility that he would attempt suicide again had worried her, but she doubted now that he would try it. Not after promising everyone that he wouldn’t.

The rest of the meal passed in a somewhat uncomfortable silence. Tommy and Helga didn’t quite know what to say to Jack. Neither of them had ever faced this situation before with a friend. Helga had seen patients who were suicidal, but it was a very different situation when it was a friend. It was harder to know how to act with a friend than with a patient.

After dinner, Jack and Rose retired to the living room to watch television. Jack had managed to eat about half of his dinner, though he felt a little nauseous, but he thought that Rose had been right. The ginger did help. He had had an easier time eating than he had in a long time. The two of them settled onto the well-worn couch and turned on the television, while Helga cleaned up the kitchen and Tommy went out to collect the mail.

By the time Helga and Tommy joined them, Jack was stretched out on the couch asleep, his head in Rose’s lap. The events of the day, combined with the lack of sleep over the past few weeks, had exhausted him, so he slept quietly, undisturbed by the sound of the television or the occasional laughter from the others.

Rose woke him just after nine. He sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes.

"Jack, come on. It’s time for bed," Rose told him, helping him sit up.

Sleepily, he got up, yawning, and followed Rose down the hall. They stopped for a moment outside his room, embracing. Rose kissed him, promising that she would stop in to say good night before she went to bed herself.

About ten minutes later, Rose knocked on Jack’s door, carrying a glass of water with her. "Jack?"

"Come in, Rose."

Rose opened the door. Jack was sitting on the edge of his bed, just wearing his boxer shorts. He was examining the bottle of valerian capsules critically.

"Are you sure these are safe? I’ve heard of ginger before, but not valerian."

Rose thought it was an interesting question, coming from someone who had tried to kill himself earlier, but didn’t say so. "They’re safe. I’ve taken them, and I’m still alive." She set the glass of water on the dresser and took the bottle from him, turning around to the trash can while she pried off the plastic seal and opened the bottle, extracting two capsules. She set the bottle on the dresser beside the ginger and turned back to him.

Jack stared blankly at her. Rose came closer, but he didn’t move.

"Jack?" she asked. Then, louder, "Jack!"

He didn’t move, but continued staring straight ahead, his eyes blank, his muscles rigid.

Rose shook him, to no avail. Setting the water and capsules back on the dresser, she ran to the next room, where Helga was just slipping into bed.

"Helga!" she called, knocking on the door.

A moment later, Helga opened the door, staring at Rose’s frightened face. "What is it?" she asked, suddenly worried.

"Something’s wrong with Jack. He’s just sitting there, staring into space."

Helga hurried into Jack’s room. He was still sitting there, unmoving. She waved a hand in front of his eyes, but he didn’t respond. Quickly, she checked his pulse; then, with Rose’s help, she moved him to lie flat on his bed.

"What’s wrong with him?" Rose asked, still frightened.

"He’s having a seizure," Helga told her, checking Jack’s temperature. It was normal.

"A seizure?" Rose was confused. "I thought that when a person had a seizure, their muscles jerked and they fell on the floor, and swallowed their tongues, and—"

"That’s one kind of seizure. There’s other kinds, including when a person just blanks out, like this one. Hopefully he’ll come out of it soon. And," she added, looking reassuringly at Rose, "people who have seizures do not swallow their tongues. They can’t. The tongue is firmly attached to the mouth. They might bite it, though."

"Will he be okay?"

Helga nodded. "He should be. He doesn’t appear to be having any complications. He’s breathing fine, his heart rate is fine, and he’s laying quietly, so he can’t injure himself if he comes out of it suddenly."

"Has he ever had seizures before?"

"Not that I know of," Helga replied slowly, "but head injuries are known to cause seizures, and he’s had a bad one."

"You’re right, he has." Rose hesitated. “Shouldn’t we call an ambulance?”

“Well…” Helga frowned. “Ordinarily, I would say yes, but…I’m guessing he’ll already have a good-sized bill from the emergency room. Since he doesn’t seem to be in danger…we’ll just keep an eye on him.”

Jack came out of it about five minutes later. He stared up at them, confused. "What happened?" he asked.

"You had a seizure," Helga explained.

"I did? When?"

"Just now. You blanked out," Rose explained, helping him sit back up. "Has this happened before?"

He tried to think. "I don’t know...maybe."

"Maybe?"

"It was kind of like I blanked out last night, around two AM. I was going back to bed, when I looked at the clock and realized that ten minutes had passed. I thought I might have fallen asleep, but maybe it was a seizure. I don’t know."

"But it hasn’t happened earlier?"

He shook his head. "No…not that I noticed, anyway."

"It may be the head injury causing this," Helga told him. "You really need to get it checked by a doctor."

"I will," he replied, sighing. "Rose talked me into it."

"Good." Helga stood up. "I’m going to bed now. If anything happens, wake me."

"Okay." Rose sat down beside Jack, taking the capsules and water from the top of the dresser. Helga left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

"How do you feel?" Rose asked him, offering him the valerian capsules and water.

He shook his head, taking the water from her. "Tired."

"I’ve heard that people like to sleep after a seizure."

He swallowed the valerian. "I did last night. Maybe that was a seizure."

"Maybe. I hope, whatever is going on, that you feel better soon, and can find out why this is happening."

"I do, too." He lay back down, pulling the sheet over himself. It was too hot for any other covers.

Rose was still sitting beside him. She massaged his shoulders, helping him to relax.

"I’m sorry, Rose," he mumbled, his voice muffled by the pillow.

Her hands stilled. "What about?"

"For causing so much trouble for everyone."

She leaned close, whispering in his ear. "You’re not causing that much trouble. We all need a little help sometimes." She paused. "Why don’t you take tomorrow off from work and come down to the mental health clinic? Call your boss and tell him you’re sick."

"I told him that today when I left."

"Well, then, you could tell him you’re still sick. You could come into the clinic—it may take a while for you to get in, depending upon how many people are there, but tomorrow there are only two doctors working, so there’ll be fewer people. It’s easier than calling to make an appointment, since sometimes the therapists who are supposed to call you back don’t. You’ll just be there as a crisis patient. Considering what happened today, I think it’s a good idea. And you can call a regular doctor with the county and make an appointment to get that head injury checked out." She pulled the sheet up over his shoulders. "Right now, though, I think you need to get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning."

"Okay," he mumbled, half-asleep. "Night, Rose."

"Good night, Jack. I love you," she whispered. She sat beside him a moment longer, waiting until his breathing grew deep and even, before she slowly got to her feet and left the room, turning out the light as she went.

Chapter Thirty-Five
Stories