PRESENT TENSE
Chapter Forty
Friday, August 8, 2003
On August eighth, Jack was finally released from
the hospital. Rose brought him home that afternoon after she was finished with
work.
Jack was fully recovered this time, in stark
contrast to the previous time that he had been released from the hospital, when
his problems were just beginning. Despite the fact that he was more serious and
thoughtful than he had been before, his optimism and sense of humor were back,
and there was no sign of further trouble from the head injury. He was truly
healed this time.
He wore the same clothes home that he had worn
when he was admitted to the hospital, but they fit much better now. He was
still thin, but he had gained back some of the weight that he had lost. He was
regaining his strength as well, and no longer wanted to sleep all day. It would
be another week before he could return to work, but this time things were much
better.
Jack and Rose talked quietly as they made
their way back to Masline. In spite of their closeness, they felt a little
uncomfortable with each other now. They had seen each other at their worst, and
weren’t quite sure how to deal with it.
They made small talk at first, discussing the
weather, the traffic, Rose’s work, how quickly the earthquake-damaged parts of
the cities were being rebuilt. At last, though, they moved on to the more
serious subjects that they needed to discuss.
Jack turned to Rose after quietly watching
the road for a moment. "Rose," he began, "I wanted to...to thank
you."
"For what?"
"For standing by me during all of this.
I was pretty awful to you, but you didn’t give up on me."
Rose watched the road for a moment before
responding. "I couldn’t give up on you. I love you, and...you didn’t give
up on me when my life was difficult, even when I pushed you away."
"I couldn’t. I knew that something was
wrong, even if you wouldn’t tell me what it was."
Rose nodded. "As I knew with you."
"I tried to deny it."
"Sometimes, you just can’t completely
hide things. But if I hadn’t known you as well as I do, if I hadn’t known what
I did, I don’t think I would have fully recognized what was going on. You
suffered for a long time before you said anything about it."
"I know. And I was lucky that things
were caught when they were. Dr. Patel told me that if the surgery had been even
a few hours later, I probably wouldn’t have made it. I was very close to having
a major stroke."
Rose glanced at him, alarmed. He hadn’t told
her just how serious things had been. "You were very lucky."
"I was. But I wouldn’t have been if it
hadn’t been for you. Either I would have bled to death in the backyard from slashing
my wrists or I would have continued to ignore the problem and died later from a
stroke—or starvation." He took a deep breath. "I hope that I never
have to go through that again."
"I hope not, either. But if something
like this does happen again—if you know that something is wrong—you shouldn’t
try to ignore it and suffer in silence. It won’t make the problem go away, and
might even make it worse."
He sighed. "I won’t. If something should
go wrong again, I’ll...try to find out what the problem is and get it fixed
right away. Those two and a half months...were like being in hell. That’s what
it felt like." He looked down at his scarred wrist. "And I promise
you now that I will never try to take my own life again. Life is too precious
to just throw away like that. You were right when you said that I didn’t really
want to kill myself. I just didn’t feel like I had any other options."
"But in the end, you chose to
live."
Jack nodded. "I did, and I’m glad now
that I’m alive. I think I learned a lot from all this, and...now I have to
decide where to go from here."
Rose looked at him as they pulled up to a
stop light. "Whatever happens, I’ll always be there for you. I don’t know
where life is going to take us, or if things will even work out between us, but
I do love you, and that’s not going to change, even if we wind up going our
separate ways."
Jack was silent for a moment before he nodded
slowly. "I love you, too, Rose. But I think you’re right. We have a lot to
talk about before we can make any decisions about us—a lot to think about,
too."
In many ways, it seemed that they were back
where they had been before the earthquake. But a lot had happened since then,
and they had both changed—and they both knew it. In many ways, they had formed
a stronger bond than ever before, but that same bond had been tested by the
experiences of the past few months, and it would be some time before they felt
completely comfortable with each other again.