PRESENT TENSE
Chapter Fifty
Thursday, October 2, 2003
Rose drummed her fingers impatiently on the steering
wheel as she waited for the light to change. Her maternal grandmother, Kathleen
Fleming, was going to be there late in the afternoon to help with the final
preparations for the wedding, and Rose wanted to arrive home before her
grandmother got there.
Most of the preparations for the wedding were
complete. She had finished her wedding dress and hair ornament two days before,
and had ordered bouquets for herself, her matron of honor, and her bridesmaid,
to be delivered the morning of the wedding. The guests had been informed of
where the wedding was to be held, and Jack had made signs pointing them in the
direction of the spot where the ceremony would be.
It had taken longer than expected for the
rings to be ready, but the jeweler had finally called the night before, and
Jack had picked up the rings and carefully placed them where they wouldn’t get
lost before the wedding.
There wasn’t much left to do, except for a
final clean-up of the area where the wedding would be held, the posting of the
signs directing people to the wedding, and the set-up for the wedding
reception, but Kathleen had insisted upon coming down early to help. Rose
didn’t mind; she hadn’t seen her grandmother or her step-grandfather in some
time, and was looking forward to seeing them.
Rose beat her grandmother to the house,
giving her the time to set her belongings aside and clean up a little of the
mess in the room that she and Jack would soon share. They had been in the
process of moving him in all week, and the room was in chaos. Fortunately, he
had now brought over everything except for the few items he would need until
Saturday, so they could clean up the mess.
It was after six when the Flemings arrived.
All of the residents of the house were home by that time, and Jack and Rose
were busy straightening up Rose’s room, arguing occasionally over what went
where and whether some things should be given away or kept. For the most part,
they found space for everything they owned, but a few things they couldn’t
quite decide what to do with, and some items were put into storage in the
rickety metal shed in the backyard or set aside to be donated to the Salvation
Army.
Rose was in the kitchen, putting several
coats and jackets away in the coat closet, when she saw her grandparents’ car
pull up beside the mailbox. Stuffing the last jacket into the closet, she
rushed out to greet them.
Kathleen greeted her granddaughter with a
hug, looking her over and nodding her head in approval. “You look much more
content this time,” she told her granddaughter.
Rose smiled. The last time she’d seen her had
been right after Easter some months earlier, when she was still engaged to Cal.
Her circumstances had changed a great deal since then, for the better.
“I am, Nana,” she responded. “Everything’s
great. The sun is shining, the weather is pleasant, and we have almost
everything ready for the wedding. Wait until you meet my fiancé. He’s
wonderful.”
“Glad to hear it.” David Fleming got out of
the driver’s seat and came around the car to greet his step-granddaughter. “I
didn’t think much of your last fiancé.”
“Neither did I,” Rose confessed, then
laughed. “I think very highly of Jack, though. He’s a good man, and I’m lucky
to have found him.”
Kathleen laughed as Rose threw her arms out
and whirled around happily. Her joy was contagious.
Rose started up the front walk. “Dinner is
almost ready, and of course you’re welcome to eat with us. It’s Tommy’s turn to
cook dinner, and he knew I was inviting guests, so he made extra. We’re having
chicken, microwaved potatoes, fruit salad, and green salad. Is that okay?”
“It’s fine,” Kathleen told her, following her
into the house. “We apologize for being so late. They’re doing road
construction on the 10, and there were only two lanes open. You know how it
long it takes to travel when the road is clogged with big rigs.”
“That’s okay.” Rose grinned, looking at her
grandmother. At sixty-five, Kathleen looked much younger. With her trim figure
and red-dyed hair, she bore a great resemblance to her daughter Ruth, and had
on occasion been mistaken for Ruth’s sister, rather than her mother, which
always pleased her. She was healthy and active, and had outlived one husband,
raised three daughters, and made a successful career as a psychologist, opening
her own practice and charging outrageous fees to her wealthy clients in Palm
Desert and Rancho Mirage.
In contrast, her husband, David, was a short,
heavy-set man with thinning hair gray hair and bifocals. An unprepossessing
figure, he nevertheless possessed a keen intelligence, a sense of compassion,
and a zest for life that matched his wife’s. Two years younger than Kathleen,
they appeared at first to be mismatched, but a closer look revealed an
unshakable bond between the two.
Tommy was standing at the counter when they
walked in. Rose hurried to make introductions.
“Nana, David, this is my roommate, Tommy
Ryan. Tommy, these are my grandparents, David and Kathleen Fleming.”
“Hi.” Tommy looked at Rose’s guests. He shook
David’s hand, then looked at Kathleen and remarked, “You don’t look old enough
to be Rose’s grandmother.”
“You have poor eyesight,” she told him, but
she beamed with delight when she said it. Three years before, when Rose’s
father had died and Kathleen’s first husband had died just a short time later,
Rose had come to stay with her for a while, and she had been delighted when
people had mistaken Rose for her daughter, rather than her granddaughter.
Helga came out of her room to see what was
going on, and Jack came down the hall a moment later, a streak of charcoal on
his face giving him an unkempt look.
Rose repeated the introductions. “Helga,
Jack, this is David and Kathleen Fleming, my grandparents. David, Nana, this my
roommate, Helga de Rosa, and my fiancé, Jack Dawson.” She put an arm around
Jack, reaching up to wipe the smudge of charcoal from his face.
Jack laughed as Rose’s fingers came away
covered with black dust. “Pleased to meet you.”
They responded in kind, looking him over
assessingly. Jack swallowed nervously, knowing that they were judging whether
he was right for their granddaughter.
“Dinner’s ready,” Tommy told them, opening
the oven and removing a broiler pan of baked chicken.
David and Kathleen stopped assessing Jack for
a moment as Rose directed them to seats at the table. She had borrowed a couple
of folding chairs from their neighbors across the street to provide enough
seats at the table for everyone.
Once dinner was started, the Flemings started
questioning Jack, putting him through the third degree, asking him what he did
for a living, what college he went to, how he treated Rose. He answered all of
their questions honestly, looking them right in the eye as he did so.
Rose suppressed a smile. They had put Cal
through the third degree, too, but he had never once looked directly at them,
and had given them glib, smooth answers about the relationship between himself
and Rose. Neither of the Flemings had thought very highly of him, but Ruth had
beamed, delighted with the man she had found for her daughter.
It was obvious after a few minutes that they
liked Jack much better. He was open and honest, and lacked the condescension
that had annoyed them so much about Cal. Cal hadn’t thought much of the fact
the Kathleen was a psychologist, or that her husband was willing to help with
her practice rather than trying to climb the corporate ladder himself. In
contrast, Jack was genuinely interested in their work, asking insightful
questions and taking their questions with a sense of humor.
Before dinner was over, Kathleen looked at
Rose with a twinkle in her eye, letting her know that she approved.
*****
After dinner, Jack and Rose retreated to
Rose’s room for a short time to finish cleaning up. Jack had been putting away
his art supplies before he came out to greet Rose’s relatives, hence the
charcoal smudge on his face.
The were only a couple of piles of things
left to put away, and as Jack began putting his remaining clothes into the
dresser he and Rose had dragged over from his room, Rose took a box of small
items he had brought from his room and began putting them away. Stepping into
the bathroom, she began setting them onto a shelf of the cabinet that she had
cleared to make way for Jack’s belongings, mentally ticking off what she
wouldn’t have to share with him. Shampoo, soap, toothpaste, shaving supplies, a
bottle of aspirin, the remains of the bottles of valerian and ginger she had
given him, a newly filled bottle of Prozac...
Prozac? she thought, looking at the label again to be sure she wasn’t
mistaken. It was definitely Prozac. She recognized the capsules from the times
she had given out prescribed medications at the mental health clinic. Why is
he taking Prozac? she wondered. She had thought he was completely
recovered.
Jack stuck his head in the open door to see
what she was doing and saw her with the bottle of Prozac in her hand. “I see
you found that,” he said quietly.
“Yes. Jack, why are you taking this? I
thought you had recovered...”
“There was some minor brain damage,” he
explained, taking the bottle from her. “Something about the brain chemicals
being reabsorbed too quickly.”
“Serotonin,” she told him. “It prevents
serotonin from being reabsorbed too quickly. One of the psychiatrists at the
mental health clinic told me that.”
“That’s where I get my prescriptions from.
Dr. Lobb prescribed this for me before my surgery, and then Dr. Patel told me
to keep taking it afterwards. I go in on the last Saturday of the month, which
is why you haven’t seen me there.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were taking this?”
“I didn’t want you to worry. You remember how
awful I acted when I was sick. This keeps me from becoming depressed again.” He
put the bottle in the medicine cabinet, avoiding her eyes. “Besides, it really
isn’t something I like to talk about. Some people can be kind of judgmental
about stuff like this, and I’ve had my fill of judgmental people.”
Rose put her hand on his shoulder. “Jack, I
won’t judge you. It isn’t your fault that you got hurt.”
“I know, but some people might judge the
aftermath of that injury as something I can control on my own, and I’ve already
realized that I can’t. It just doesn’t work that way.”
“Like you’re supposed to be able to snap out
of it on your own, and if you didn’t want to feel that way, you wouldn’t.”
“Exactly. Ted told me that it’s an illness,
just like diabetes or heart disease would be, but a lot of people don’t
understand that.”
“And they would say you were weak for not
grinning and bearing it.”
“Maybe I should try to tolerate it, but I feel
much better taking this than not taking it. I may have to take it for the rest
of my life, but—”
“But at least you’re getting the treatment
that you need. It isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength, and of
wisdom, to know when you can’t handle something all by yourself and ask for
help.” She put her arms around him, turning him to face her. “You’re one of the
strongest people I know.”
“Thanks.” He hugged her back, then kissed
her. “I’m also one of the luckiest.”
Rose thought of all the pain and trouble he’d
endured. “How so?”
“I have you. How many men are lucky enough to
find a woman who is so tolerant and understanding, who would give up justice
for themselves for the sake of justice for him, who would put up with me even
after what I put you through when I was sick?”
“I think we’re both lucky, and I’m looking
forward to marrying you on Saturday. When I was engaged to Cal, I looked at
marriage as something to be dreaded, but now, I can’t wait. I never thought I’d
be this happy.” She lifted her face to his, kissing him for a moment. “I love
you, Jack.”
“And I love you, Rose.”
*****
At 8:30, Rose and Kathleen were sitting on
the curb in front of the house, enjoying the cool autumn evening. In spite of
the advancing season, the neighborhood’s ice cream vendor was still making the
rounds with his push cart, so Kathleen had bought an ice cream bar for herself
and a Popsicle for Rose, who, in spite of being an adult, still liked the
sugary frozen treats.
Rose looked up at the sky, the tip of the
Popsicle in her mouth. The evening reminded of her of the times when she gone
to visit her grandmother as a child. The DeWitts had lived in Newport Beach,
just a few blocks from the ocean. Kathleen would buy her granddaughter a Popsicle
or ice cream at the boardwalk, and then walk with her to the beach, watching
her as she played in the water, hunted sand crabs, and built elaborate sand
castles complete with seaweed decorations. Afterwards, she always escorted the
tired but happy child back to the house and set her to watching cartoons on
television.
After her first husband had died, Kathleen
had moved to Palm Desert, opening her own counseling practice and eventually
marrying David Fleming, who had originally come to work for her as a substance
abuse counselor. They were partners now, with equal standing in the practice,
though David did far less counseling now, considering himself semi-retired.
“Nana?” Rose took the Popsicle out of her
mouth and looked at her grandmother.
“Yes?”
“What do you think of Jack? I mean, do you
approve?”
Kathleen smiled, sensing that Rose wanted her
approval, and also sensing that even if she disapproved of Jack, Rose would
still marry him.
“Yes, Rose, I approve. He seems to be a fine
young man. Certainly, I like him better than your last fiancé.”
“Me, too.” Rose smiled.
“What happened with Cal, Rose? I know that
you weren’t very happy with him, but you seemed determined to marry him.”
Rose was silent for a moment. Finally, she spoke.
“He was...abusive. I kept telling myself that things would get better, but they
didn’t, and I finally broke the engagement. Cal’s in prison now.”
“I know. I read about it in the newspaper.
Attempted murder of you and Jack.”
Rose sighed. “I knew, even when I got
engaged, that I was making a mistake, but...I didn’t really have a choice. Mom
told me that if I didn’t accept the engagement, she’d throw me out, and I had
no place to go.”
“You could have come to us, or gone to one of
your friends.”
“I know that, now, but that night...I had
just graduated from high school, and...I suppose I was still naive about
things. I thought that things would improve, that I would learn to love Cal.
Such things do happen, but I suppose I should have followed my instincts that
told me that it was a bad idea.”
“And so you wound up in a bad situation.”
“Yes. Things kept getting worse, but I was
afraid to break off the relationship, even after things hit rock bottom. Jack
told me that if I didn’t break free, the fire in me was going to go out, but it
was a week and a half before I realized that he was right and sought him out.
He had told me that his home was open to me, so I took him up on that. By that
time, I knew that I loved him, and I think that deep down, I knew that he loved
me, too. I gave Cal back his ring, and...well, I’ve told you what happened
next, with the framing and the earthquake and the shooting. I was absolutely
terrified that Jack would die—he was so badly injured—but he pulled through.”
“Why was your mother so set upon your
marrying Cal?”
Rose took a deep breath. She hadn’t told
anyone but Jack about what her mother had done. “She...sold me to him, in
exchange for several lucrative contracts with Titan Construction.”
“You’re kidding!”
“I wish I was. I really do, but that’s what
she did. She was so intent upon advancing her career that she used me as a
pawn. She was furious when I broke the engagement—even though Cal was in jail—and
made good on her promise to throw me out. Fortunately, by that time I realized that
I had other options, so I got a job and came to live here.”
“I just can’t believe it. Your mother was
always ambitious, always wanting more, but I just can’t believe she used you to
advance herself.”
“She did, Nana. And later, when I called her
to tell her that I was marrying Jack, she refused to come to the wedding,
refused to have anything to do with me. She says that I’m making a big mistake,
but I don’t think I am. I think that getting engaged to Jack is one of the best
decisions I’ve ever made.” She paused. “Nana, I don’t have anyone to give me
away at my wedding. Dad’s gone, and Mom won’t be there. Maybe it’s silly, since
I’m independent now, but I’d like someone to escort me up the aisle and give me
away. Could you do that?”
“I’d be honored to, Rose. I really wish,
though, that your mother would be there when you get married. That’s something
a mother should see her daughter do. Maybe I’ll go over and talk to her—”
“No, Nana! Please, don’t do that. I’ve fought
with her enough. I’m looking forward to my wedding, and I don’t want her
bitterness to ruin things for Jack and me. This is a happy occasion, and if Mom
doesn’t want to be a part of it, then...that’s her decision. If she changes her
mind, she’s welcome to come—but she didn’t answer the invitation I sent her,
and she hasn’t spoken to me since I announced that I was getting married. I
don’t know why she is the way she is, but I won’t let her ruin this day for us.
It’s going to be a happy occasion—with or without Mom.”
“Sometimes I wonder how she can be my
daughter. I know she is, though—we look too much alike for her to have been
switched at birth. Some people just turn out that way. Please don’t be bitter
toward her, Rose. I don’t what her reasons are, either, but you got away from
Cal, and you’re happy now. I doubt she knew just what kind of person he was. I
don’t think you knew right away, either. People make mistakes, but there may
come a time when you will want to be closer to her. Don’t write her off. She’s
still your mother.”
“I know, and I still love her, but she makes
me so mad sometimes. I just don’t understand her.”
“She would probably say the same thing of you
sometimes.”
Rose shook her head. “I don’t know. I remember
that she and Dad fought every time they were together for years, over
everything. Neither of them were happy, but they stayed together because of me.
I think we all would have been better off if they had divorced, but they never
did. Mom always acted like she didn’t care what Dad did, but I think she was
hurt by the way he ran around on her. When he died, she acted like she was
indifferent, but I don’t think she really was. Maybe she was relieved that
things were finally over, but that night, after she brought me home, I heard
her crying in her room. I never told her that I heard, and after that she went
about making arrangements in a businesslike fashion and brushed me off if I
wanted to talk about Dad.”
“Nothing’s ever as simple as we’d like to
believe, Rose. Your mother wasn’t happy with your father, it’s true, but she
was married to him for eighteen years, and you don’t spend eighteen years with
a person and feel nothing when they’re gone. They become a part of you, whether
you like it or not.” She patted Rose’s hand. “She loves you, too, though she
may not always show it. You’re her daughter, and maybe someday, you’ll be able
to mend fences.”
“Maybe, Nana. I hope so.”