MY STORY
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jack dropped me off after school.
He didn’t attempt to make a conversation with me after he revealed that tiny
detail about his ex. It might be tiny, but boy, its impact is not that small! Anyways,
I enjoyed the silence between Jack and I. It was a different quietness. It was
comfortable. I did not even think of stupid things.
Jack politely said no when I
offered him to come over when we reached my house. But I wasn’t mad. I was kind
of disappointed, but that was okay because he said he had to do something, but
he promised that he would call. So, he gave me a sweet peck on my cheek that
made me blush, then, he was off.
Back to that promise. He will
call, right?
Now, I am standing in front of my
bathroom mirror, examining my face and everything. I look at the girl that is
staring back at me. Since I have met Jack, I’m starting to see myself
differently. Every time I look at myself at the mirror, something has changed.
Maybe my physical features have not changed, but something inside has changed.
I’m starting to feel like I
really have a life! Really. I have a life now! I know I’ve been breathing, but
what I’m talking about is feelings and emotions that I’ve never thought
existed. And the mousy Rose DeWitt Bukater is transforming into something else.
Okay, okay, okay, maybe not transforming. Maybe changing a little bit?
Okay, I need to talk to you. I
need to confess what I am truly feeling inside.
No, I don’t love you. That’s not
what I want to confess. It has to do with Jack Dawson.
When I first saw him, it was
totally love at first site for me, but now, he’s getting closer and closer to
me, I feel kind of weird. Maybe weird is not the correct word, but I feel like
I am having second thought. I know I’ve said that I will try to get to know him
better and stuffs, but do I really want that? Many questions are starting to
appear in this insipid mind of mine.
Do I want to have a boyfriend and
not be the old Rose anymore?
Am I ready for a change in my life?
I know I’ve been waiting for this
situation to come to me, but now, that it’s coming, it feels like I am having
second thought.
Second thought about what?
You’re asking me about that. Have
you been reading what I said? Okay, maybe you’re pretty slow, but I’m having
second thoughts all about this. Since Jack came to my life, every thing seems
to be around him. Do I want that? Or do I want to stay to the old me and wait
for something that I don’t know?
And now, you are thinking, what
the hell this dorky girl wants now? I want answers, ok? These things that I am
saying to you might sound unclear and stupid, but really, I don’t know what is
going on. My head is like asking questions or coming up with ideas that want me
to ask myself.
It is so confusing!
Ugh!
Okay, let me breathe. Just chill,
Rose.
Just chill?
I want to find answer here, not
to get cold! …he he he… just kidding. I’m really trying to relax, but I don’t
think it’s gonna happen. I’m starting to be freaky again! Damn!
I stare at my reflection one more
time and shake my head.
Okay, I’ve reached a decision. I
will ignore all this confusion as much as I can. Now, there. Are you happy?
Am I happy?
Yes, for now.
I head back to my room to change
in something comfortable, but something good to look at also. We don’t want to
be caught wearing ugly, oversized t-shirt by Jack now, do we? Nope, that won’t
ever happen again. Cross our fingers. Geez, that was really embarrassing. By
the way, I still have that shirt in my closet. My "I love Jack Dawson"
shirt will only be worn by me during the evenings unless, Jack will stay for a
slumber party! … he he he … That was a joke, okay? Why aren’t you laughing?!
Anyways, after changing, my
stomach tells me to take a trip to the kitchen for a small snack, and of
course, I don’t have a choice but to follow it. I open the fridge and let out a
groan.
I scan the inside of the ancient
machine that we have, and all I can see are topper wares with labels of the
days of the week, and the meals of the day.
Let’s see, today is what?
Thursday, right?
Yah, okay.
I look for Thursday. After
seconds of excavating (did I mention my hands and face are cold?), I find a
plastic container that has a black mark saying "Thursday". I smile
with contentment and take it out from the fridge.
Is this for snack? I peek inside
the plastic container, and of course, to my disappointment, it is for dinner!
Ugh!
With contempt, I put the
container back to the ancient machine and decide to open our very small pantry,
hoping there will be something I can chew or eat.
Tomatoes?
Nope.
Let’s see. Um, onions?
Nope.
Ah ha! There’s a bag of Lays. I
grab it quickly. It’s sour and cream flavor. I don’t know if you’re this kind
of person, but even though I know it’s Lays chips, I always look at the cover
of it. I don’t know why I do it, but I just do. My eyes run quickly over the
cover and suddenly, some small letterings stop them. It’s a date. An expiration
date. I’m doing some mathematical equation now, and if my calculation is right,
the chip has expired about eight months ago. Just my luck!
I already have things to worry
about, and I’m not about to add another one by deciding whether to eat this
thing or not.
Three Hours Later
I’m in my bedroom right now
because my stomach hurts so badly. I don’t know why. I guess, it’s the expired
chips taking over. I shouldn’t have eaten it. Damn it. Why didn’t my mom go
grocery shopping? It’s not like she’s running out of her coupons. And we’re not
having money problem—well, at least, not that I know of. Hopefully not. My mother
just loves to save money. She buys store brand than name brand.
It feels like some invisible
person is kicking my tummy, and I let out a loud moan. Where’s the Pepto Bismol
when you need it? Gosh, my stomach hurts.
Then, the phone rings. My upset
stomach is forgotten, and I quickly head out of my room and run pass the living
room to the kitchen where the phone is connected.
I clear my throat and answer the
line with a seductive voice that I have been practicing for long time,
"Hello?"
"No visitor and no going out
for today and for the rest of the week until next Wednesday!" Blah! It is
my dearest mother’s voice that greets me. I thought it would be my Jack.
"Remember, you are grounded."
No! No, mother, you can’t do this
to me. Then, the picture of my parents’ faces from yesterday pops in my head;
they were so out of character for the benefit of Jack. So, maybe I can make
them change their minds if I just tell…
"Mom, Jack and I going out
tonight." Please, please, please, let this work. Well, I think that was
the plan, but I am not sure, too, if there’s a date tonight. Jack is probably
contacting me now—right at this moment.
"I know, dear, but as your
mother, I have a responsibility to you, and I need to do my job." Oh,
great…please mother, this is for your benefit. Well, it's actually for my
benefit. I want to have a quiet time with Jack.
I thought everything will go
smoothly, but I guess not. I don’t get my mother. I don’t really. Does she even
have any idea how hard to be a teenager these days and be in love? -sigh- I
have a feeling that she will lecture me now about being a obedient daughter,
and how to be a good one. I’ve been good. Really, I have. You don’t believe me?
Forget you then!
"As I was saying, darling, I
am doing this for your own good. Your father sees this as not punishment but as
a lesson for you to learn. And I see this for your advantage. Now, I am glad
that you like Jack, and he is a very nice young man, but…"
There goes that ‘but’ word. I
hate ‘buts.’
"I am aware that he is a
very good-looking boy, too. I am well aware that you fancy him mad, but I have
the feeling that he is used to of having young girls falling for him, following
him around. So, what I am telling you is that you should play hard to get,
darling. Men love that. That is how I snagged your father, and that is why
Grandmamma Bukater still hates me because his son married me instead of that
bimbo she wanted for your father."
Play hard to get? And my mother
did that to my father? The thought just makes me laugh. I don’t know why, but
it does. And Grandmamma hates her because dad chose mom over some woman? Wow.
I’ve never known that. I always thought Grandmamma dislikes mom because she
broke her precious Victorian chinaware during one Thanksgiving Day when I was
little.
Hmm, family secret. Interesting.
But anyway, that is not really the issue here. I want to see Jack, and I
believe this night has the possibility to go down as one of the most important
days of my life. This night can be the night when Jack and I will have our first
date. The official date. Gee wiz! I cannot be grounded now. And forget playing
hard to get. I just want to be gotten!
"Mom, please…" I beg. I
don’t’ usually beg, but these days, I’ve been doing things I’ve never done
before. It’s all because of one guy.
"No, honey. It’s done. You
can see Jack next Wednesday for a date, but until then, you are grounded. And
don’t you dare let him in. I forbid it. No phone calls either. I’ll keep
calling just to make sure the line is open. Your father will be furious if you don’t
follow."
If he doesn’t, a wicked thought
comes to my mind. Daddy won’t be furious unless he doesn’t find out. A light
bulb flashes because of this great idea. Plus, how will they know if Jack comes
over. They will be working late this evening. Jack and I can stay here and
cuddle and do something more….he he he…. The shy Rose is getting wicked. Wow!
"And don’t even think that
we won’t know if he ever comes. Your Aunt Mollie will be checking up on
you."
No! Why oh why?! My mother is
wicked, and my father is a…I can’t come up with the correct word. So, Aunt
Mollie is coming over. She is not really my aunt; she’s just a close friend of
my mother’s. Golly, I am doomed now. Bye bye date. The call ends, and I go back
to my room and lay on my bed.
Jack’s gonna call any minute now.
What am I gonna do? Or better yet, what am I gonna say to him especially now
that we’re starting to really open up to each other. Life is a bitch.
Thirty minutes have passed, and
the phone hasn’t rung yet. Where are you, Jack? You said you gonna call me.
That’s it. I’m gonna call him. I
get up and run to the kitchen and grab the phone. I start dialing when an
important realization appear.
Well, now, I feel stupid. I don’t
have Jack’s number!
I don’t have his home phone number
or his cell phone. How can that be? I mean, how? I mean, I’ve fantasized of
calling him just to hear his voice in the middle of the night, but never, even
once, occurred to me to ask for his number. Stupid Rose! Gee wiz!
So, for the next hours phone rang,
but none of them were from Jack. Aunt Mollie came and is now here in the living
room, watching Pretty Woman while doing embroidery for her grandbaby’s pillow.
The phone rings again. This is
getting annoying. Why do I get the parents who don’t trust me? I expect to hear
my mother, but instead it is not she.
It’s Jack!
"Hey, Rose…" His voice
sounds a little solemn.
I look at Aunt Mollie to see if
she’s listening, but fortunately, she’s occupied with the movie; it is showing
the love scene…he he he…
So, I whisper in a playful tone,
"Hey silly…"
"I know this morning on our
way to school that you were expecting me to remember about tonight’s plan
because I asked you yesterday, but I told you I didn’t. I lied."
He lied? I am silent and so does
he.
I hear him take a deep breath,
"I did remember, and I was looking forward to it until I found out
something this morning…"
I look at the TV screen, the
characters in the movie are still lovey-dovey, and I start to feel this deep
pain in my chest. Girls, imagine cramps but in my case, it’s located on my
chest.
"We can’t go out tonight.
Something came up. I’m sorry, Rose…"
Then, I don’t hear anything. I am
pretty sure he’s saying some more excuse right now, but my right ear refuses to
listen even though the phone is still attached to my ear. Why is he canceling
our plan? Something came up? What came up? Or maybe it’s who came up! Am I just
overreacting? Still…I feel like crying…as always…I will need a tissue to blow
my nose.
I am hurt. That’s all I am
feeling right now.
Love hurts, love scars,
Love wounds, and marks,
Any heart, not tough,
Or strong, enough
To take a lot of pain,
Take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts.
I’m young, I know,
But even so
I know a thing, or two
I learned, from you
I really learned a lot,
Really learned a lot
Love is like a flame
It burns you when it’s hot
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts.
Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They’re not foolin’ me.
I know it isn’t true,
I know it isn’t true
Love is just a lie,
Made to make you blue
Love hurts, ooh, ooh love hurts
Ooh, ooh love hurts.
I know it isn’t true,
I know it isn’t true
Love is just a lie,
Made to make you blue
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts
Ooh ooh love hurts
Ooh ooh...
-- Love Hurts by Nazareth
Hey! So, what do you think? I am
such a drama queen, eh? Jack lied to me? Hmm…
Love lots,
Dorky Rose