SWEET INNOCENCE
Chapter Nine
After the death of Mary, he took care of
Rose, never wanting that to happen to them.
He went to the funeral, saying good-bye. Even
though he had not really known her, he wanted to be there. Cal was there, too.
He didn’t say a word.
Everything was fine after that. They began to
get on with their lives. It seemed that tragedy struck them all the time,
whether they were at school or away from it. He wondered if they were meant to
be. Had he ruined his chances of helping other people who might have needed
him? He often wondered.
Rose could see that something was definitely
wrong with him. He never looked at her like he used to. She wondered if he was
getting bored with her, or if he loved someone else. He didn’t tell her
anything nowadays.
She lay in bed by him, feeling that she was
sleeping with someone who didn’t want her there.
She got up, put her robe on, got an extra
blanket, and slept on the couch.
Jack felt Rose leave. When she didn’t come
back, he was worried. He found her on the couch. He wondered why she had left
him. Were they pulling apart?
The next few days were even worse. Rose slept
on the couch now. She didn’t sleep with him, and he never asked why. He figured
he had done something wrong, but never questioned it.
They went to school together, but he never
kissed her. She would walk to her locker and pass him by, not acknowledging that
he was there. She went to her doctor’s appointments without him, even when he
wanted to go. He never figured out what the hell was going on. He hadn’t a
clue.
One day she got sick. He tried to help her,
but she pulled away.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
he asked in anger and frustration.
"Me? It’s you. You’re the one with the
problem," she said, rocking herself.
"I never did anything to you." He
wanted so much to hold her.
"That’s just it. You don’t do
anything," Rose yelled at him.
"What?" He didn’t understand at
what she was getting at.
"I lay by your side and you never touch
me or hold me, ever since Mary died. Let me ask you a question. When she died,
did our relationship die, too?" Rose asked, unable to look him in the eye.
"No, Rose. I love you very much,"
he said, standing away from her.
"Then why are we pulling apart? Do you
hate me or something?" Rose just had to ask.
"No," Jack said, and brought her to
sit with him.
"Then why don’t you be your normal
self?" Rose wondered what was going on with them.
"Because I have been questioning myself
lately, wondering if I was meant to help people instead of being with
them," he told her, holding her against him.
"You mean you think her death was your
fault?" She felt good being in his arms again.
"I know it was," he said, looking
down.
"Oh, no, it wasn’t. She chose to jump.
You didn’t push her," Rose said, bringing his face to look at her.
"I know, but why do I feel so guilty? I might
as well have pushed her," he said, feeling disgusted with himself.
"Don’t do that. Don’t even think it.
Don’t ever blame yourself for her death," she scolded him.
"But I do, Rose. That is why I haven’t
been myself lately. I don’t touch you because I see her." He pulled apart
from her.
"What?" Rose couldn’t believe her
ears.
"I can see her in you, and I honestly
don’t know why this is happening." He started to pace the room.
"Do you want me to leave?" Rose
asked.
"No. I don’t want you to leave. It’s just
something I have to go through," he said.
"I wanna help you, Jack. I really
do," she told him, bringing him next to her.
"I am afraid there is nothing you can
do, Rose." He hugged her, feeling good just being there.
"If I have to leave and be away from you,
I will, Jack. I will do anything--even break up our marriage because of
it." She kissed him and held him.
"I don’t even want to think of that.
Look, I promise I will be better." He put his lips to hers.
"Okay. Tonight I will sleep with you. I
just thought you were mad at me or something." Rose hugged him tightly,
not wanting to let go.
"Nah, it’s all me," he said,
feeling a little better.
That night, when she slept with him, he
cuddled next to her and she started to feel the old Jack coming back. She laid
there, and that was the first time in weeks that she had a good night’s sleep.