TEARS IN HEAVEN
Chapter Eighteen
The next afternoon, Jack and Rose arrived at
the hospital, both terrified and relieved. Terrified because they didn't know
what awaited them, and relieved because no matter what state he was in, their
son was coming home. Dr. Lovett greeted them, along with a middle-aged woman.
"Mr. and Mrs. Dawson, this is Anita
Samson, the home nurse I was telling you about."
Jack smiled tensely at her and nodded.
"Nice to meet you. Thank you for agreeing to do this on such a short
notice."
Anita smiled warmly. "It's my pleasure.
We've got him all set to go home. I believe there's only the release papers to
be signed," she said, glancing up at the doctor to confirm this point.
Dr. Lovett nodded. "Yes, that's all. Mr.
Dawson, if you'd follow me..."
Jack glanced at Rose, who'd remained silent
during this whole exchange. "You gonna be okay?" he asked quietly.
Rose forced a small smile. "Yes. Go. I
just want to get him home."
Jack squeezed her hand reassuringly, and
turned to follow the doctor. After they had disappeared into the doctor's
office, Anita turned to Rose. "Your son has been asking for you. Maybe you
could help me help him get into his wheelchair?"
Rose cringed upon hearing those words.
Wheelchair. Oh, how Josh hated not being able to fend for himself. "He's
awake?"
"For now. He's been waiting for you to
come."
Rose smiled weakly, and opened the door to
her son's room. "Josh, sweetie?"
The figure on the bed shifted slightly, and
blue eyes met Rose's emerald ones. "Hey, Mom."
Rose's heart cracked at the frail sounds that
came out of his mouth. For the umpteenth time, she wondered how this fragile
young man could possibly be her once vibrant, outgoing, and carefree
sixteen-year-old son. How could God be so cruel as to bestow this pain on him?
He had never been anything but a good kid...certainly not deserving of this
torture. Josh noticed the tears in Rose's eyes, and reached for her hand.
"Don't cry, Mom. It'll be all right. I'm coming home now."
Rose managed to smile, wishing she had the
same optimistic outlook he had. Even knowing that most likely his time on Earth
was coming to an end, Josh still could find the silver lining in every cloud.
"I know, sweetie, I know. And I'm glad. Everyone misses you so much. Jay
can hardly wait for you to get home so he can show you his new model
airplane."
Josh smiled at the mention of his little
brother. Even with almost eight years between them, the two had always been
close. Building models was an activity they'd done together for years.
"How is he?"
"He's good. Misses you like crazy, but
he's been doing okay."
Josh's face darkened. "Does he
know...?"
Rose nodded. "Yes. Your father and I
agreed it would be best not to sugar-coat the truth for anyone. We didn't want
to raise any false expectations."
"I understand. Where is Dad, by the
way?"
"With the doctor, signing the release
papers. He'll be in shortly and then we'll take you home," Rose said, as
the door opened and Anita, followed by Jack and Dr. Lovett, entered.
"Hey kiddo," Jack greeted Josh.
"How you feeling?"
"Tired." Josh yawned, as if to
prove his point. Josh's eyes brightened at the thought of sleeping in his own
bed. "Can I go now, Doc?"
Dr. Lovett nodded and motioned for Jack to
come help put him in his wheelchair. The scene before her proved to be too much
for Rose. To see her son unable to do anything for himself broke her heart.
March 8, 2019
Dear Journal,
Today I did something I never thought I
would. Today I buried my son. He seemed to be getting better since we brought
him home in late January, being with his family, but it wasn't enough. He held
out just long enough to see his seventeenth birthday on the third, however when
he closed his eyes on the fourth, they weren't meant to reopen. The pain of
losing a child is one I cannot even begin to explain. It's as if someone has
reached into my chest and literally ripped my soul in two. I'm grateful Josh is
no longer suffering, but I don't know how to go on from here. How is one to go
on living after losing someone they brought into the world? I have to remain
strong and sane, though. I have five other children to raise. Jack, as usual,
is the rock we all lean on, but I know this is killing him as well. I wake up
in the middle of the night to hear him cry softly into his pillow. As I don't
know how to comfort myself, I'm not sure how to comfort him, so I just hold
him. He said just that helps and having had him just hold me, I know he's not
lying. The kids are in shock, which is to be expected. They all walk around,
not really comprehending that their big brother is gone forever. Jay's taking
it the hardest. They were so close. The only comfort he takes in all of this is
that he has all the models they've built together over the years to remember
him by. I fear for the day the twins start driving. I may never sleep again
once they do. Janelle is weary of it now and since the accident, is considering
not taking driver's training quite yet. Colin, however, is adamant on taking it
this summer. He definitely has Josh's stubborn spirit. I just pray that history
won't repeat itself.
Rose stared down at what she had written,
unable to believe Josh was gone. The words began blurring together, as for the
hundredth time that day, she began to cry, her tears smearing the ink. Jack
came into the room to find his wife sobbing quietly at the desk. No words
needed, he embraced her from behind and together they wept for the loss of
their son.