THREE MEN AND A LADY
Chapter Four

Jack slowly made his way to the living room. The screams were still coming, and he did not want to see why. He paused a moment before walking through the doorway; he considered his options.

He could stay here and try to deal with his housemates, or he could stay and ignore them. He toyed with these ideas. Suddenly, a new option entered his mind--run!

Well, this certainly had its perks. He could simply run out the front door, and hopefully catch Rose. Then he could go with her and not have to stay alone with them. Yes, he would do it.

Jack nodded confidently. He could do it. He didn’t have to baby-sit Cal and Fabrizio. He turned away from the doorway, and--

"Get away! Away!" Cal screamed shrilly. Jack threw his hands up in defeat and went into the living room.

Cal was on the couch, clutching his blanket in his fists. He was screaming like a madman. Fabrizio was standing over him, the Super-Soaker aimed at his head, laughing insanely. Jack wondered briefly how two people could be so nutty.

"Fabrizio," he said slowly.

Fabrizio turned away from Cal and stared at Jack. "Hi! Can we play Operation?"

Jack looked at him in shock. "Operation?" he repeated dumbly. Fabrizio nodded eagerly. "Well, maybe if you get away from Cal and put that thing up."

"Okay!" Fabrizio ran into the hallway, where he threw the Super-Soaker up the stairs. He ran back in. "Jack--"

"Not now!" Jack was leaning over Cal. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." Cal’s voice was tearful.

"Good. Do you want me to show you how to fix the TV?"

Cal nodded. "Okay."

Jack crossed the room and stood in front of the TV. "See this button?" He pointed to the button marked Power.

"Yes."

"You push it to turn the TV on." Jack pushed the button. The TV came on, filling the room with the sounds of the History Channel’s Haunted History.

"Ew! Educational shows!" Cal’s lower lip stuck out in a pout.

"How old are you?" Jack asked irritably.

"You know how old I am."

"I know that."

"Jack!" Fabrizio interrupted. "I need your--"

"Not now!"

"But it’s--"

"I have to get this over with!"

Jack hadn’t noticed Fabrizio leave and go into the hallway; he also hadn’t noticed the woman standing in their front door. "Okay, this button--" Jack pointed. "--is volume, and this is for changing channels." Jack began to demonstrate. "See?" Cal stared at him in amazement.

"That is so cool!" He jumped up from the couch and hugged Jack tightly. Jack felt his lungs empty of all air. Cal’s muscular strength somehow hadn’t been diminished by his years as a couch potato.

"Air!" Jack croaked.

"Oh, sorry." Cal’s voice was apologetic, but he made no move to let go.

"No! You can’t go in there! My housemates are...busy!" Fabrizio was yelling from the hall. Jack realized that maybe he should have listened to him, but didn’t linger over it as he had more important things to worry about. Like how to get air into his lungs.

Jack might be immortal, but dying of asphyxiation was not how he wanted to spend his afternoon.

Suddenly, the room was filled with a screeching voice. Mrs. Bird. "I knew there was something not right about you people!" she screeched. Jack was too dizzy from lack of oxygen to care what she was saying, but Cal was confused.

Until he realized that he was still hugging Jack. Hugging him very tightly. Sheepishly, he let go. Jack fell into a chair, breathing heavily. His face, which had been beginning to become bluish, returned to normal.

"We’re not…er…" Cal struggled to explain.

Mrs. Bird ignored his attempts. "I knew it when you moved in." She turned to Jack, who was only semi-conscious. "Does the girl you live with know?"

"Rose," Jack said. "How could she know? We’re not together like that!"

"Oh, you’re not?"

"No!" Cal and Jack yelled together.

"Okay, then. If you say so." And as quickly as she had come, Mrs. Bird was out the door.

Jack looked at Fabrizio. "How did she get in?"

"She came in."

"Why didn’t you stop her?"

"You told me to go away."

Jack was dumbfounded. It was true, he had, and now she was going to tell people about her visit.

"Jack?" Fabrizio asked.

"Yes?"

"Can we play Operation now?"

Jack laughed. "Why not?"

*****

The next morning, Jack decided that it would be beneficial for all if they did not spend the day in the house. He wasn’t sure what they should do, but they had to do something.

Cal still wasn’t off the couch. He had lain there all night, watching TV. Only now he had begun his snacking again in full earnest. Fabrizio was in the attic. Jack had no idea what he was doing; he liked it that way.

Jack approached Cal cautiously. Since being reunited with his soaps, he had been pleasant, but Jack was not sure how much it would take to start up the crying. "Cal, you need to get up." Jack’s tone was light.

Cal looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Because we’re going to...to the mall."

"Really?" Cal squealed. He jumped up from the couch.

"Yeah, really."

"Oh, goody!" Cal hugged Jack again, but not so tightly this time.

"Okay, Cal…uh…could you go shower?"

"Are you saying that I smell?" Tears welled up in Cal’s eyes.

"No. You just need one."

"You think I smell!" The tears started in full force.

"If you calm down and take a shower, then we’ll go to the doughnut shop."

Cal’s tears lessened. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

Jack found Fabrizio in the kitchen. He was studying a peach. "What are you doing?"

"How do the peaches get so fuzzy?"

"What?"

"Peaches. Why are they fuzzy?"

Jack thought about this. Why were peaches fuzzy? He couldn’t find the answer.

"It doesn’t matter."

"Why not?"

Jack inwardly kicked himself. He had begun an argument with Fabrizio. "Because it’s not important."

"Why not?"

"Because we’re going to the mall."

Fabrizio’s eyes went round. "We are?"

"Yes."

"Yippee!" He began skipping around the room.

"But only if you calm down."

"Okay."

Two Hours Later

They left the house and made their way down the street. They walked briskly, arriving at the mall within minutes. Cal ran immediately to the food court. Fabrizio followed, and Jack stood there, hoping he didn’t look too conspicuous.

Cal was staring in rapture at the doughnuts. "You want them, don’t you?" Jack asked. He joined them at the rack. Cal nodded. "Get ‘em all, then," Jack said. He was happy; Cal wasn’t crying and Fabrizio hadn’t done anything stupid. Well, yet.

They purchased the doughnuts, but Fabrizio was gone. Cal wanted to stay and eat them. "Okay, but you can’t leave here." Cal nodded genially. Jack went off in search of Fabrizio.

He found him at the escalator. "Fabrizio, what happened?" His head was stuck between the rails.

"I wanted to see what would happen."

"What would happen?"

"Yeah. On this soap Cal was watching, this guy stuck his head in a rail and he got all this money for it."

Jack was calm. "Did it ever occur to you that it was on TV that this happened, and not in reality?"

"No."

Just then, the security guard marched up, holding Cal by the arm. "Is he yours?" he asked gruffly.

Jack stared in shock. Cal was covered in leaves and chocolate.

"What did you do?"

Cal was close to tears. "Someone tried to take my doughnuts."

Jack nodded. "Ah." He turned to the guard. "Yes, I know him."

"Okay." The guard shuffled off.

"We need to go home."

"I agree."

"Uh…guys?" Fabrizio was growing panicky.

"We’ll get you out."

"Good."

"Uh…Jack?" Cal asked.

"Yeah?"

"How are we going to do that?"

"I have no idea."

Fabrizio looked worried. "You don’t?"

"Nope."

"Here. Have a doughnut." Cal passed them doughnuts.

Chapter Five
Stories