THREE MEN AND A LADY
Chapter Five
Jack chewed his doughnut slowly,
not noticing the taste. He was completely clueless as to how to get Fabrizio
out of the railing. Cal was happily munching away. He had no worries as long as
a doughnut was in his hand. Jack envied him his ability to be so happy so
easily.
Fabrizio had calmed down
considerably since having been given a doughnut, but he was still panicky.
"Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"When are you going to get
me out?"
"Well--"
"Oh! I know! I know!"
Cal began jumping up and down excitedly.
"How, then?"
"We take some butter and
butter his head with it, and he’ll slide right out."
Jack stared at Cal. "Where
would you get such an idea?"
"From Mad TV."
"Ah…I see."
"Can we try that?"
Fabrizio asked.
"You want him to spread
butter on your head?"
"Yes, if it will get me out
of this frickin’ thing."
"Okay, then."
"I’ll go get some
butter!" Cal ran off.
Fabrizio hummed Free at Last while
they waited. Jack stood by awkwardly, hoping the strange looks that were being
directed their way weren’t about him.
Cal soon returned with the
butter. "Okay. Now we do this." He stuck his hand in the bowl and
brought out a fistful of butter.
"Don’t you think that you
should use something other than your hand for that?" Jack asked.
Cal stared at him in horror.
"What else would I use? It’s what I’ve always used."
Jack chose not to pursue the
subject further. "Do it, then."
Cal proceeded to cover Fabrizio’s
head and the escalator railing with butter.
"Isn’t that enough?"
Jack asked.
"I fink mit sis."
Fabrizio’s voice was muffled by the butter.
"What?" Cal asked.
"He says it’s enough."
"Can I put more on?"
"Cal, what part of he thinks
it’s enough did you not understand?"
"Well…"
"Just forget it."
"But you asked."
"I know I did." Jack
sighed heavily. His original hopes about the weekend not being hell had been
wrong.
"Is utter’s ood."
"Are you eating it?"
"Es."
"Can I have some?" Cal
asked eagerly.
"O!"
Cal stuck his lower lip out in a
pout. "S’not fair."
"Wasn’t the point of the
butter to get Fabrizio out of the railing?"
"Oh." Cal instantly
forgot his pouting. "I’ll do it." He grabbed Fabrizio’s head and
shoved it back.
"Ow!"
Cal laughed. "This is
fun."
Jack began to question the logic
of letting Cal handle a human head. "You’re hurting him, so maybe you
should try another way." His voice was pleading. Cal looked at him
questioningly. Jack didn’t usually plead. He mostly rammed his head against the
wall in frustration.
Cal considered letting Fabrizio’s
head go. He decided to give it one last shove and leave it at that. With a pop,
Fabrizio’s head was free.
"I’m free!" he yelled
joyfully.
Jack patted Cal on the back.
"Maybe that wasn’t a totally stupid idea."
Cal’s voice was tearful.
"Jack, there’s butter on my doughnut!" His bottom lip trembled.
Jack inwardly kicked himself. He
should have known that it was too good to be true.