THE HORRIFIC OOMPA LOOMPA CANNON
Wonka's newest insane venture

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

From our spies in the Factory comes pictures and information about the newest Wonka venture, the Oompa Loompa Cannon.  We don't know why.  We don't know how.  There's no reasoning with Willy Wonka.  Quite simply, he's a madman who gets a certain euphoric thrill from the suffering of Oompa Loompas.

WHAT WE KNOW:  The cannon has three barrels, which rotate and fire off three Oompa Loompas simultaneously.  Wonka uses targets drawn on brick walls and in the middle of wide, open fields and aims the unwilling Oompa Loompas towards them.   Worst of all, he forces OTHER Oompa Loompas to commandeer the cannon, sending their own bretheren to their gruesome fate.

"See?  I TOLD you they wouldn't bounce..."

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