1996
5 kills
First Kill - 12 minutes (a dog)
What do you get when you take a dentist on the edge, cross it with a cheating wife, and throw in a bunch of cool and very painful dentistry tools? You get what i like to call, .................... um, i dunno. i just said it cuz it sounded dramatic but i can't think of anything cool and witty to call it so i'll just say it was a good movie. This featured Corbin Bernson (Major League 1 and 2) as a dentist pushed too far when he sees his wife gong down on the pool man. So what does this yuppie decide to do? Does he run out and shoot them both on the spot? NO! Does he wait till later where he confronts his wife in a calm yet very upset manner? HELL NO! Does he just let it slide? SHIT NO! His ideas with how the situation should be handled resemble more closely slow painful tortue, directed specifically at the mouth.
His first task is to shoot his neighbors dog. Not much here, just an accident seeing as he was startled by the dog. Next he gets a little too clumsy with a young boy on his first visit too the dentist and pokes his gum viciously with that pointy thing, causing the child massive mental anguish and giving him a fear of dentists for the rest of his life. His next patient is a young and underaged, i repeat UNDERAGED, beauty queen. And while they are both under the influence of nitrus oxide, we'll simply say that he takes a few "liberties" with the stunningly attractive patient.
The laughs (queaves) continue when he invites his wife over to his office saying to meet him there for there anniversary since he would be running late. Well, it turns out "running late" is synonymous with "i'm busy setting up a room in which to torture you while you sit confined to a dental chair and i give you oral surgury without anesthesia" TAKE THAT YOU CHEATING SLUT OF A WIFE! BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The fiasco then turns into a game of operation where the object is to remove all your wife's teeth and then to cut out her tongue, which the dentist accomplishes with flying colors. He then kills the pool boy, strangles his assistant, drills a tooth very close to the root, inserts a hypodermic needle into another assistants head thereby sending a bubble to her brain and making for a really cool death, and last but not least, opening the jaw of a politician so wide that you can almost feel the cracking of bones.
There is an ending to this movie that is surprisingly well done, but you'll have to watch it. There are some downers in lack of actual deaths and and some boring spots between maulings, but these are more than made up for in gore and nudity! The music is great, especially when he's rearanging his wife's mouth and mozart is playing in the background. this is a very good movie and an emphatically suggested rental.
-- Rev. Blood
Coolio -- Nice. Should've included the entire Major League cast, not just Roger Dorn. Willie Mayes Hayes could've gotten away.
Grossy Gracie -- Good gore, lame story.
Blackie Woo -- Probably my third favorite behind the two Sleepaway Camps. Plenty of gore and outstanding killing originality by "The Dentist". And, actually, I loved the plot!
Dad's Stcky Axe -- A really nice mix of plot, gore, and nudity
with a great soundtrack and nice cinematography. A bit too classy to be
a true stupid scary movie, but a great horror film nonetheless.
The Magician -- NUDITY??? Where was that? Did I miss the nudity dammit, I always miss the good stuff, somebody inform me the next time that happens its not nice to see a movie about a raging dentist, because the wife did a lewinski, and not know about nudity.
Kat Killing Kannibal -- Which tooth shall I pull now, Honey??
