1996
0 kills!
First Kill - hahahahaha
NOT ONE SINGLE SKULL!!
STOP! What are you doing????? You aren't thinking about renting this movie are you??? Renting this movie would be worse than putting your head in a microwave!! Trust me! (Well... I just rented it... I don't know about that other thing.)
Let me explain. In April Fool's Day, the guys are assholes and they have stupid lines and we hated it, right? Well at least they PRETENDED like they were killing!!! I have no choice but to quote Jim Mora -- "This is absolute horse-shit. Horse-shit!"
I'll give as much plot as I can until it makes me sick and I'll have to stop. OK, this tough guy decides he's going to bribe a family who he has seen abducting people from the highway. One problem. This family is not a typical family. We have 4 people: a head (the Head of the family!!!!!! Kill me please!!) who is the brains of the operation, a guy with big eyes who can see and hear things from miles away, a big dude who beats the crap out of people and has the strength of 10 men, and a chick with huge breasts, whose power seems to be to have sex with the enemy, then jump out of the way so that the big dude can punch him in the face. I swear to God, I'm not making any of this up.
I have 2 problems here. First, if you're going to abduct drivers from the highway, KILL THOSE BASTARDS! What does the family do?? They take the brains! In other words, they end up with a stock-pile of zombies walking around their basement, with no sense of the world, no desire to leave, nothing... Why? They have no brains! My second problem involves a little personal rule. Anytime there are more sex scenes than kills, I'm sorry, but it isn't a horror movie. Well, this movie has about 13 sex scenes, so what's that sex-to-kill ratio?? OH YEAH! 13-0!! Cause they don't kill anyone!!
I'm going to wash my hands cause it makes me sick that I had to type this filthy "review."
-- Coolio
NO SKULLS
Grossy Gracie -- Rent a porno.
Plague -- Nipple-licking going on, that's about it.
