1979
Kills - ?
First Kill - ?
Allow me, if you will, to set the scene....... After a rousing "Robinson's" rehersal, Blackie Woo, Julio Coolio, and I were searching the video store for horror flicks to watch at this weekend's stupid scary movie night. As we wandered through the aisles, we wondered what would be in store for us; and then we found it. The box boasted such enticing comments as "The ultimate shocker of the eighties" and "Makes the Texas Chainsaw Massacre look like kid stuff". On the cover, a bony figure in a black robe pointing a skeletal finger at the three of us. We knew we MUST rent this movie....... the movie they call....... Savage Weekend.
At the party, the talk of the night was Savage Weekend, which we had chosen to view as the second of 4 movies. The anticipation of greatness was in the air as Blackie Woo and myself bantereed back and forth about the exact savageness the weekend would contain. A hush went over the room as the tape was slipped into the VCR.........
and the excitement stopped there.
Until I viewed this movie, i was unaware that there was a recipe for shit, but i was wrong; there is a recipe, and here it is: take one part bestiality with cow udders, add a strange 20 minute long dance from some old lady (which for some reason entices a homosexual guy). Mix with 2 cups of some guy branding a woman with an "H", cuz obviously that is the starting letter of the word "whore", a woman strapped to a buzz saw, a crappy mask, and a whole lot of ugly people sex........... oh, and for an extra spicy pile of crap, throw in a crazy little man i like to call otis. Well, there you have it. Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry but if you rent this movie you won't be able to be condemned to hell........ because you'll already be there. I seriously can not understand even a modicum of the plot, so this won't exactly be like a review. It's more like a WARNING! I know my recipe sounds like fun and games, but it's not. Look, if you wanna watch a good movie, rent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze. That's oscar quality when compared to this.
If you want a synopsis of the plot, basically it involves some kind of camping trip, alot of screwing around, a few retrded kills, and branding. And believe me that's as specific as i can get. I could write an analysis of this movie and compare it to one I would write about the relationship of Scooby-Doo to the oil refinory by my house, and the former would make the latter look like Johnathan Swift's master's degree term paper. I'm serious! I can't exptress it's horridness in words. I almost want you all to rent it just so you can see for yourselves how pointless it is. This is the kind of movie that makes the sane people turn crazy and the insane people turn.......... well, crazier i guess. Look, I'm sorry, but this post is over........ it's all too painful.......... I mean..................... WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! How could Blackie Woo and I have gone wrong??????? I tlloked so good on paper!!!!!!!! just like communism. But no, the Socialism of the spawn of Satan who made this had to turn a good idea into shit (see recipe above). It was so promising, but it's promises we're pure propaganda.
I dunno about anyone else, but I know boycott any renting decisions i make without haveing a 2/3 majority vote. I'm gonna blame this flop on either El Nino, uinrest in the Middle East, or the coming of the Anti-Christ. I know this "review" was hard to understand, but i'm still overcoming the shock form the weekend of the most savageness. Just do me and yourself a favor........ UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED FOR IT, DO NOT RENT THIS MOVIE. I HAVE DONE WHAT I COULD, BUT THE REST IS UP TO YOU DEAR READER!
-- Rev. Blood
Coolio -- Believe me, I agree with every word in the Rev's review, but i have to go with a half skull, mainly because you can see the mics above the actors' heads!
Blackie Woo -- Too much lovin', not enough shovin'.
NO SKULLS
Hex Girl -- No plot, all sex.
NO SKULLS
Goat Gore
