1992

5 kills
First Kill - 13 minutes

Life is what you make of it, right? Well, for some, we only want what we are entitled to. This bastard, believes, no, he KNOWS, that he is entitled to a perfect family, with a wife and a child, and a house, and sunshine, and flowers, and all of that bull. If you've seen the first two, you know the routine. If you haven't, don't worry! Neither did we when we rented it!

The Stepfather is getting desperate, kids. Let's face it. He's tried and tried and no one is good enough for him. He's had to kill off so many people simply because, hey, it's difficult to find someone as pure as he is! So, when he meets the "perfect" woman, he learns to live with the fact that her son is in a wheelchair. "Stepfather," he tells himself, "you gettin' old, Jack. Marry the broad. You can make this kid walk!" So, he weasels his way into their lives and things are going great... but DAMMIT!! The little crippled kid thinks he's Encyclopedia Brown! What do you know? He solves mysteries!

Well, the Stepfather decides it's time to get on his good side. We'll play some football, he says. He throws a nice bomb, with a tight spiral, and BAM! hits the boy in the head. Or something, I don't remember. OK, it's time for the boy to walk. "GET UP!! YOU DON'T WANNA WALK!!" Hey, that's inspiration!

Things ain't going so great obviously, and to top it off, the chick tries to have sex before they're married! He even lets that go. I told you, he's desperate. Well, after they're married, he decides this isn't what he wanted and starts to look elsewhere. Greedy bastard!

You'll love the characters in this movie. I did. We have a new actor as the Stepfather. (He has plastic surgery in the very beginning, leading to a quick, yet horrible, kill scene.) Wait until you find out how the boy was crippled!! Also, because of his new job (he's quite skilled, isn't he?) the Stepfather has LOTS of new tools to use for his killing. A decent plot, an OK soundtrack, and that damn bastard detective of a little boy helped to keep us interested. I'll close with one word: mulcher.

-- Coolio

Rev. Blood -- Imagine a dad playing in the yard with his handicapped son. They're just throwing around the football and being happy. Now imagine the dad screaming, "GET OUT OF THAT WHEELCHAIR AND WALK DAMN YOU!!! YOU JUST DON'T WANNA WALK YOU WIMP!!!!!" That pretty well sums it up. In one of the funniest scenes I've ever seen, the evil stepfather derides his crippled stepson, and it's laughs for all. Other than that, the movies average, save for a few cool deaths. It's funny as hell though.

The Magician -- "You just don't wanna walk", I also love how the kid has some kid of stupid technology that looks at a picture and it automaticly in there and that he does it rather than just puttin the 2 dam pictures next to each other. And hey the mulcher is just a cherry on top.

Kat Kiling Kannibal -- Again, worth it just for the gay family atmosphere.

Grossy Gracie -- I'm glad he's finally dead.