Alcohol Warnings


Due to increasing products liability litigation, American

liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion

that the following warning labels be placed immediately

on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave

you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make

you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major

factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause

you to tell your friends over and over again that

you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause

you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead

you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you

to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make

you think you can logically converse with members

of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make

you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers,

resulting in you getting your ass kicked. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause

 you to roll over in the morning and see something

really scary.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading

cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees

and lower back. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create

the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and

better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead

you to believe you are invincible or worse bulletproof.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you

to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a

disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps

of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. 

WARNING: the consumption of alcohol may Mack

you tink you can tipe real gode.