like if Dear
Abby
were
a man?
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my sister and me.
of you, so he goes for the next best thing your sister. Far
from
being an issue, this can bring the entire family closer
together.
Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still
apprehensive,
let him be with your relatives without you, then buy him a
nice,
expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't
mention
this aspect of his behavior.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on
him.
spoonful. It is nutritious, helps you to keep your figure,
and gives a
great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to
allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless.
Oral sex can
be extremely stressful for a man. This shows he loves you.
The
best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a
day.
Meanwhile buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a
nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be
encouraged.
The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with
other
men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys
is a
stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for
him. Just look at
how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable
home. The best thing
to do when he gets home is for you and your
sister to perform oral sex on him. Then to buy him a nice,
expensive
present, and cook him a good meal and don't ever mention
this
aspect of his behavior.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget
you may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and sell it. To ease your selfish guilt,
buy your man a nice, expensive present, and cook him a
delicious meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person and should seek sensitivity
training.
Foreplay to a man is very stressful. Sex should be available
to your husband on demand with foreplay lasting no more
than the time it takes to get undressed. What this means is
that you do not love your man as much as you should-he
should not have to work a lot to get you in the mood.
Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by
buying him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant,
man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit.
Don't
mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying
a nice, expensive present, and don't forget to cook him a
delicious meal!
