Dear Tech Support:
 
 Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
 distinct slow down in the overall performance - particularly in the
 flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
 Boyfriend 5.0.
 
 In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
 such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
 undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
 
 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
 the system.
 
 I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail.
 
 What can I do?
 
 Signed,
 
 Desperate
 
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 Dear Desperate:
 
 First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
 Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
 
 Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME to download Tears
 
 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0.
 
 If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
 automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
 But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
 default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
 
 Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.
 
 Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another
 Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
 Husband 1.0.
 
 In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
 memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
 
 You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and
 performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
 
 Good Luck,
 
 Tech Support