classic.
These awards are given each year to
bestow
upon (the remains of) that
individual,
who through single-minded
self-sacrifice, has done the
most
to remove undesirable elements
from
the human gene pool.
5th
RUNNER-UP
Goes
to a San Angelo, California man who
died
when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth
Mountain
ski area while riding down the
slope
on a foam pad. The 22-year old David
Hubbell
was pronounced dead at Central
Mammoth
Hospital.
The
accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono
County
Sheriff's department said. Hubal and
his
friends apparently had hiked up a ski run
called
Stump Alley and undid some yellow
foam
protectors from lift towers, said
Lt.
Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes
Police
Department.
The
pads are used to protect skiers who might
hit
towers. The group apparently used the
pads
to
slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed
into
a tower. It has since been investigated and
determined
the tower he hit was the one with
its
pad removed.
4th
RUNNER-UP
Goes
to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently
being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the
clerk
threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed
a
hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked
out
without paying. Police found him unconscious
in
front of the store. Paramedics removed the
six-inch
wiener from his throat where it had
choked him to death.
3rd
RUNNER-UP
Goes
to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who
shot
a stag standing above him on an
overhanging
rock
and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
2nd
RUNNER-UP
"Man
loses face at party" is what the headline read:
A man
at a West Virginia party (probably related
to
the winner last year, a man in Arkansas
who
used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his
pickup
(truck) popped a blasting cap into his
mouth
and bit down, triggering an explosion that
blew
off his lips, teeth, and tongue).
Jerry
Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap
as
a prank during the party late Tuesday
night, said
Cpl.
M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in
an
aquarium
hooked to a battery and was trying to
explode
it. It wouldn't go off and Stromyer
said:
'I'll
show you how to set it off.' He put it
into his
mouth,
bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his
lips
and tongue off", Payne added.
Stromyer
was listed in guarded condition Wednesday
with
extensive facial injuries, according to
a
spokesperson
at Charleston Area Medical
Division.
"I just can't imagine anyone doing
something
like that," Payne said.
1st
RUNNER-UP
Doctors
at Portland University Hospital said an
Oregon
man shot through the skull by a hunting
arrow
is lucky to be alive and will be released soon
from
the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right
eye
last weekend during an initiation into
a men's
rafting
club, Mountain Men Anonymous in
Grant's
Pass, Oregon.
A
friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but
the
arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said
that
had the arrow gone 1 millimetre to
the
left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and
Roberts
would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon
Doctor
Johnny Delashaw at the University
Hospital
in Portland said the arrow went
through
8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip
protruding
at the rear of his skull, yet
somehow
managed to miss ll major blood vessels.
Delashaw
also said that had Roberts tried to
pull
the arrow out on his own he surely
would
have killed himself. Roberts admitted
afterwards
that he and his friends had been
drinking
that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so
dumb
about this." No charges have been filed,
but
the Josephine County district attorney's
office
said the initiation stunt is under
investigation.
THIS
YEAR'S WINNER.
The
late John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal
Hawkins,
of the great state of Washington,
decided
to attend a local Metallica concert at
the
George
Washington amphitheatre. Having no tickets
(but having had 18 beers between them), they
thought
it would
be easy to "hop" over the
nine foot fence
and
sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup
truck
over to the fence and the plan was for Mr.
Pernicky,
who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr.
Hawkins
to hop the fence and then assist his
friend
over. Unfortunately for Mr. Pernicky,
was
a 30-foot drop on the other side of the
fence.
Having
heaved himself over, he found himself
Crashing
through a tree. His fall was abruptly
halted
(and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch
that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from
the
tree with a broken arm, he looked down
and saw
some
bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes
would
break his fall, he removed his pocket knife
and
proceeded to cut away his shorts to free
himself
from the tree.
Finally
free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes.
The
sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body
and
worse,
without the protection of his shorts, a
holly
branch
penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse
still,
on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his
thigh.
Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in
considerable
pain
and agony, threw him a rope and
tried
to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the
pickup
truck and slowly driving away.
However,
in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck
into
reverse and crashed through the fence
landing
30'
below atop his friend, killing him.
Police arrived
to
find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown
100'
from the truck and dead from massive internal
injuries.
Upon moving the truck, they found John
under
it half-naked, scratches on his body, a
holly
stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and
his
shorts dangling from a tree branch
25-feet
in
the air.
Hearty
congratulations gentlemen, you win...
