Jack's weight loss

A fellow was ordered by his doctor to

lose 75 lb. due to very serious
health risks. As he wondered how in

the heck he would ever do it, he ran
across an ad in the newspaper for a

GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.
"Guaranteed like hell," he thought to

himself. But desperate, he calls
them up and subscribes to the

3 day/10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there's a knock at his

door, and when he answers, there
stands before him a voluptuous,

athletic, beautiful, 19 year old woman
dressed in nothing, but a pair of Nike

running shoes and a sign round her
neck. She introduces herself as a

representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, "If you can

catch me, you can have me." Without a
second thought he takes off after her.

A few miles later, huffing and
puffing, he finally catches her and has

his way with her. After they are
through and she leaves, he thinks to

himself, "I like the way this company
does business!" The same girl shows

up for the next two days and the same
thing happens.

On the fourth day, he weighs himself

and is delighted to find he has lost
10 lb. as promised. So, he calls the

company and orders their 5 day/20
pound program. The next day there's

 a knock at the door and there stands
the most stunning, beautiful, sexy

woman he has ever seen in his life,
wearing nothing but Reebok running

shoes and a sign around her neck that
reads, "If you catch me, you can have

me." He's out the door after her
like a shot. This girl is in excellent

shape and it takes him a while to
catch her, but when he does, it is

worth every cramped wheeze. She is by
far the best he's ever had.

For the next four days, the same

routine happens and much to his delight,
on the fifth day he weights himself

and finds he has lost another 20 lb.
as promised. He decides to go for broke

 and calls the company to order the
7 day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?"

asks the representative on the
phone. "This is our most Vigorous program."

 "Absolutely," he replies, "I
haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door

and when he opens it he finds
Richard Simmons standing there wearing

nothing but pink running shoes and
a sign around his neck that reads, "If

I catch you, I can have you."