Things to make you smile
1.
Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2..
Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a
skating
rink.
3.
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the
back
of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes
at the front.
4.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries,
and
a diet coke.
5.
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
pens
to the counters.
6.
Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway
and put our useless junk in the garage.
7.
Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want
to
talk to in the first place.
8.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages
of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)
9.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process
so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
bloodsucking
creatures'.
10.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.
EVER
WONDER ~~~~
Why
the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why
women can't put on mascara with their
mouth
closed?
Why
don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why
is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why
is it that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
Why
is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why
is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is
made
with real lemons?
Why
is the man who invests all your money
called
a broker?
Why
is the time of day with the slowest
traffic
called rush hour?
Why
isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When
dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why
didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why
do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You
know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they
make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why
don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why
are they called apartments when they
are
all stuck together?
If
con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If
flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
~~~~~
In
case you needed further proof that the
human
race is doomed through stupidity,
here
are some actual label instructions
on
consumer goods.
On
a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while
sleeping.
( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On
a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On
a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would
be
how??...)
On
some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,
it's
just"
a suggestion.)
On
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On
Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating.." (..
and
you thought????...)
On
packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn
t
this save me more time?)
On
Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery
after
taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds
off those forklifts.)
On
Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking
this
because???....)
On
most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as
opposed
to...what?)
On
a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody
out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On
Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash)
On
an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On
a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you
to
fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On
a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."
(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now
that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and
send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in
other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------Original
Message-------
Subject:
funny (pass it on)
Things to make you smile
1.
Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2..
Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating
rink.
3.
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back
of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes
at the front.
4.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a
diet coke.
5.
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to
the counters.
6.
Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7.
Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have
call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in
the first place.
8.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages
of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)
9.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so
well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
creatures'.
10.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER
WONDER ~~~~
Why
the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why
women can't put on mascara with their
mouth
closed?
Why
don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why
is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why
is it that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
Why
is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why
is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with
real lemons?
Why
is the man who invests all your money
called
a broker?
Why
is the time of day with the slowest
traffic
called rush hour?
Why
isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When
dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why
didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why
do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You
know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they
make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why
don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why
are they called apartments when they
are
all stuck together?
If
con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If
flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
~~~~~
In
case you needed further proof that the
human
race is doomed through stupidity,
here
are some actual label instructions
on
consumer goods.
On
a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while
sleeping.
( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On
a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On
a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would be how??...)
On
some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,
it's "just" a suggestion.)
On
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On
Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating.." (...and you thought????...)
On
packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)
On
Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery
after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds
off those forklifts.)
On
Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking
this because???....)
On
most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
On
a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On
Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash)
On
an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On
a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you
to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On
a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
