January 1999
As easy as it is for a woman to corrupt a man, it's easier for a man to corrupt a woman. If a man writes mushy poetry, brings in some red roses, or flirts in just the right way the women come running. He can be ugly as a three week old fish liver that just got shot out of the food processor but do women care? No. Ever wonder why some crap verse, dead flowers, or pimp can make the women swoon? Do you ever feel like there was just one person responsible for it? Well, listen up men...I've discovered the culprit that is locking the women in some foolish love fantasy land. His name is Nicholas Sparks. His has written two books, The Notebook and Message in a Bottle. Now this vile beast has another weapon. He is rich. Not just sort of rich, he is disgustingly rich. He could smoke hundred dollar bills and never flinch. Rumor has is the book Message in a Bottle is being made into a film, starring Kevin Costner. Now, whoever the man was that cast Kevin Costner in the lead role...I must say that was a clever trick to bring an end to Nicholas Sparks since the movie is sure to fail now with such a cloud resting over it. It will probably not work though. Sparks has already received royalties for the movie. Yes, he is collecting even more money. If you guys get a chance, take a look at one of his books. I mean really...they are laying everywhere. They're like hidden land mines. I bet if you look around you'll find one in your own home. I found both books. Just ask your wife, girlfriend, sister, or mom...someone will know what you're talking about. I promise. These books are just pure sap trash. They call them romance novels. Now, I don't know about that. No "romance" I've ever had has been like that. I don't think anyone has such "romances". So now, everyone has this idealistic view of romance that I just can't see. My friends call me crazy. They adore the books. They say, "Jennifer, why wouldn't you want someone like that." Someone like Nicholas Sparks, no thank you. I can see who he really is. He is Satan, Ruler of the Underworld come to earth to corrupt the minds of all women making them join his evil legions of the undead! I am the only woman who can stop him. I can see through the facade of these books. Nicholas Sparks is secretly plotting the end of mankind. He's going to do it if we don't stop him. With every book he is one step closer. He has set an unrealistic standard. Do you hear guys complaining you don't look like Pamela Lee? Rarely...if they do complain you just drop their ass and find someone else. Easy as that. Now, a woman complaining their guy isn't romantic enough. Have mercy. Everyone does that. Even I have to say, give the poor guys a break! Nicholas Sparks has formed an ideal man in the minds of all women. Nicholas Sparks is the only man that fits the mold of this man. Soon, the only man any woman will want is Nicholas Sparks. They of course can't have Nicholas Sparks because he is "perfect and married". You can't ruin that because if he left his wife he'd no longer be the perfect man. Therefore, mankind will gradually die out because women will only want Nicholas Sparks and have no use for the conventional guy. There are a few lone soldiers out there to fight with me. We still are hot up for a nice tall guy that doesn't bore us to death. Just look out there. That's all I'm asking for. Not that hard. He's got a backup plan for us girls too. He has poisoned the minds of our little girlfriends against us hoping that their pressure will make us buckle and sway to his dark side. None of your guys will be good enough for all the other girls. They'll tell you that you're selling yourself short. Why don't you read a Nicholas Sparks book so you know what a real man is like? What have you done to everyone, Nicholas Sparks? You're destroying everyone's mind! You’ve got to be stopped before you kill us all. Well, Nicholas Sparks, I'll see you in hell.
Jennifer
Copyright 1998 Jennifer
