Rating: PG (language)

Disclaimer: A long time ago, God created the Earth, stars, sky, animals and other various stuff. On the seventh day he rested and he liked that number so much, he decided to create seven men on the eighth day. (Go figure) These men were beautiful, talented, magnificent in all senses of the word and just down right nifty. God decided that these men needed two beautiful, talented, magnificent in all senses of the word and just down right nifty women to watch over them. But unfortunately, being tired, he created The Immortal and Saaa. (Who were beautiful, talented and just down right nifty but not magnificent in all senses of the word. Very close mind you but just not there.) And God also created CBS.  He looked on it and it was bad, but being the benevolent God that he is, he let it live. Anyway, these nine people lived together in utter bliss. But then one day, CBS was stupid and ate the forbidden fruit. This got all of the beautiful, talented and just down right nifty people kicked out of the garden. Fortunately though, they found a nice place on TNN. (CBS wasn’t invited). However, during the transfer, The Immortal and Saaa lost all rights to the magnificent men and therefore haven’t made any profit off this piece of fiction. (Bummer) But unconditional love keeps us writing. The end.
Sorry to all the people we borrowed stuff from. Mainly, Mog who created the lovely ATF universe. To the B52’s, Kid Rock, Kenny Rogers, the people who sing “Song of a Preacher Man,” and the woman who sings “I will survive.”  Mrisch, MGM and if we still have to pay homage to CBS then them too. And of course TNN. Let’s not forget Michael Biehn, Eric Close (THUD), Dale Midkiff, Andy Kavovit, Ron Pearlman, Anthony Starke (THUD) and Rick Worthy. And last but not least, John Watson we are truly sorry. The Immortal would like to thank Saaa and Saaa would like to thank The Immortal. And since we beta for each other it was impossible to beta this b/c we wrote this together. Please, don’t hurt us. It was six o’clock in the morning at a 13-year-old birthday/sleep over party even though we are 20 when we wrote this- so of course at that stage we thought it hilarious- you let us know what you think.
 

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It had been a hectic day at the office and all Buck was looking forward to getting home and getting ready for his hot date with Gwen. Chris had made him stay at the office later than usual to fill out forms about his latest case. For some reason, his best friend of twelve years had been wearing a silly grin that was completely out of character. Something was up but as long as it didn’t interfere with his date, who the hell cared?
The kid had left the office at least two hours before him. He had specific instructions to clean up the apartment. Well, at least get the appearance of clean. As long as the pair of boxer shorts that had been hanging on the nail in the wall disappeared. Hopefully, the kid had also put the dishes into the dishwasher. But it really didn’t matter. Buck was pretty sure that Gwen wouldn’t be too interested in the kitchen, more than likely the couch or bedroom. He grinned wickedly to himself. Maybe, the kitchen table as well.
He wearily climbed the stairs to his apartment. After a few minutes of fumbling with his keys he managed to insert the key into the hole. The kid had left already for his get together with Casey.  At least he locked the door for once. His precious Play station was safe as well as Buck’s collection of Elvis movies.
Finally, he turned the doorknob to let himself into the hopefully clean apartment. “You see a faded sign by the side of the road…” What the hell? Buck entered the apartment and swore that he heard “Love Shack” playing somewhere. The kid must have left the stereo on. He sighed. Sometimes JD was the lousiest roommate. But at least the boxer shorts were nowhere to be found.
He closed the door and the sound seemed to get louder. Buck walked across the living room to turn off the stereo. He grabbed the remote off the top of the stereo and hit the small power button. “You gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them…Kenny Rogers?? What had the kid been listening to? At least it wasn’t a bad country song. In fact, this song kinda reminded him of Ez. But he didn’t have time for reflecting on lyrics of songs. Gwen would be arriving in an hour. Quickly, the stereo was shut off.
“I’ve got me a car that’s as big as a whale…” Where the hell was that coming from? Maybe it was coming from down the hall. That inconsiderate asshole. Buck, purposefully strode back across the living room and opened the door. As he expected, the sound got louder. He stuck his head out of the door but the song was not coming from down the hall. In fact, it sounded like it was coming from the door itself.
Buck closed the door and stared at it for a moment. He opened it again and now “Love Shack” could be clearly heard. The music began to fade out. Thank God! The song was almost over. He would get JD for this. But he had to admit, rigging the door with “Love Shack” was pretty ingenious. And he was downright flattered in the choice of the song. The gregarious agent smiled. Now to get ready for his date.
A few moments later, found Buck wrapped in a towel and brushing his teeth while humming a few bars to the ridiculous song that JD had wired into the door. Now all he had to do was wait for Ezra to bring the wine. Buck had been bragging to all the guys about his date. Unfortunately he had mentioned that Box-O’Wine had been pretty cheap and Ezra had taken it as a personal affront that one of his friends would stoop so low as to buy that ‘foul tasting sewer water.’ So the southern gambler had taken it upon himself to go and select a suitable wine for Buck’s paramour. Whatever the hell that meant.
A knock at his door brought him out of his musings. That had to be Ez. That ol’ dog had come through for him. Not that he had ever doubted Ez but sometimes his relationship with the other guys was strained to say the least.
“Come in!”
Ezra turned the knob on the door and gingerly stepped through the doorway. “LOVE SHACK!” Ah, Buck’s attempt at mood music. Almost as good as his taste in wine. He thought as he closed the door behind him.
“Quite a romantic atmosphere, Mr. Wilmington. Maybe Josiah will let you borrow his shag carpet.”
“What was that Ez? Why the hell is that playing again?”
“Huh?” Ezra called back. How did Buck expect him to hear anything with that infernal music on.
He quickly crossed the room and pressed the power button on the stereo. “I’m a cowboy baby…” Kid Rock’s dreadful melody assaulted Ezra’s ears. He was startled to say the least and reflexively turned off the stereo. Then where was “Love Shack” coming from?
Ezra used his keen hearing to trace the sound. Something he had picked up from Vin. The sound was coming from….the door? “Hurry and bring your juke box money.” Ezra grinned. Obviously JD had rigged the door. Possibly getting Buck back for the fake vomit that he had put in the top drawer of his office desk. It had been a harmless prank, until JD had thrown up for real. Ezra had never seen anyone as squeamish as JD. The kid had almost gotten sick from all the fake blood in the movie Nowhere to Run when Van Damme’s partner got shot in the beginning. He would have to congratulate the kid.
But Ezra had to admit. The tune was catchy. And while putting the wine in a bucket of ice, he caught himself singing along. “Knock a little louder sugah.” His green eyes swept the room and noticed the boxer shorts were finally off the nail but JD had gotten caught up in his prank that he didn’t do much other cleaning. Ezra’s benevolent side took over and he began to load the dishwasher with the encrusted dishes, delicately picking them up and making a conscience effort to not get anything on his expensive suit. The song from the door had long since finished but Ezra still sang anyway.
Vin Tanner ambled up the stairs to Buck and JD’s apartment followed by Josiah and Nathan. The kid had discreetly asked him to make sure the prank was working and hadn’t been disarmed before the lovely Gwen could arrive. Vin was going to refuse at first, but when JD had mentioned that Vin was considered ‘The Prank King,’ and his opinion would mean a lot to him, well hell, he had to go.
Josiah and Nathan had no clue why they were ascending the stairs to ‘the trash bin.’ They were just going to go to Inez’s after work but Vin had given them a mischievous grin and just mentioned that maybe they would want to follow him. Something about the tracker’s manner and light step tipped both agents off that something hilarious was soon to follow.
Vin reached the door and pounded, knowing Buck would be upstairs getting ready.
“Knock a little louder!” A sarcastic southern drawl floated through the door.
“What? I can’t hear you!” He heard Buck yell in response.
‘Bang, Bang’ Vin thought and grinned.
He entered the apartment and heard the kid’s prank loud and clear. “LOVE SHACK!”
Josiah walked in after Vin. “I love the B52’s” He commented. Nathan gave the ex-preacher a ‘look.’ Josiah’s only response was a mumbled ‘sorry.’ and a trip over to the stereo. He pressed the power button. “The only boy who could ever reach me, was the son of a preacher man!”
Josiah smiled and pointed at the stereo. Nathan groaned. “Sorry,” Josiah mumbled again as he turned the offensive music off. All the while, Vin was grinning from ear to ear.
“Not that damn song again!” The three men heard Buck exclaim from upstairs. “I’m going to kill the kid!”
Ezra exited the kitchen singing the words softly to himself. Vin and the undercover agent locked eyes and smiled.
“Ez, what are you doing here?” Nathan asked as he took in Ezra’s appearance. He had lost the expensive jacket and his sleeves were rolled up past his elbows.
“I was delivering the wine for Mr. Wilmington’s delightful evening and decided to stay and help clean up a bit. We wouldn’t want the young lady to catch a disease. And after all, who could leave with such a glorious soundtrack playing in the background.”
“Background my ass. JD told me that every time you open and close the door, the music gets louder.” Vin began to repeatedly open and shut the door, smiling the entire time. Yes, JD was getting revenge after the fake puke incident.
In mid closing swing Chris Larabee stopped the door and entered. “Tin Roof! Rusted!” he yelled in perfect timing with the song. He walked the rest of the way into the apartment. “Howdy boys.”
The five men stifled laughter as they gathered in the living room. Each one silently congratulating the kid.
“Wow, the underwear is gone,” Josiah commented as he sat down on the couch.
Chris smiled reached down into the couch cushion. Ezra questioned his leader’s sanity. Didn’t he know he could possibly lose a hand in there? The leader of Team 7 pulled out the ripped pair of boxer shorts. Well, the kid could pull a prank but he could not clean. Chris ceremoniously walked over to the bare nail and hung the boxer shorts. Vin couldn’t keep from laughing any longer. The laughter was infectious and soon each of the five men were giggling so hard they were crying.
Buck snorted as he descended the stairs from the upper rooms. “You guys think this is funny. “Wait til the kid gets you.” The lame threat didn’t do anything to curb the laughter.
“Nah, the kid wouldn’t do that. He knows better.”
Buck sent Vin a withering glare. He sighed. At least the song was ending. “Nobody open the door- or I swear I’ll kill you.  I gotta figure out how he did that before Gwen gets here.”
‘Well it was fun while it lasted they thought’ to themselves.  Suddenly the song started over again and a look of panic washed over the ladies man. He glared at the five men in his living room they all raised their hands in mock surrender.
Ezra jumped up from the edge of the chair and joined in with the song, his southern drawl contrasting perfectly to the British accents-“When you see a faded sign by the side of the road that says 15 miles to the…”
“Love Shack!” Vin joined in. “Love Shack BABY!”
The other men looked around at each other and burst out laughing. But soon, the others started joining in as well.
Buck gave them all a pointed glare. Gwen would be there any minute and they were singing along with the damn song! Ezra and Vin, the two main singers at the moment, started a conga line that circled the pissed off agent.
Buck couldn’t help but smile when Ezra Standish, the ATF’s best undercover agent, put his skills to use and actually ‘became’ Russ, the lead singer of the B52’s. “I got me a car that’s as big as a whale and I’m heading on down to the Love Shack!”
Chris, Nathan and Josiah had also joined the conga line and acted as the back up singers. “Love Shack! Love Shack, Baby!”
Buck couldn’t take it anymore and his disapproving glare melted away. “The sign says ‘stay away fools’ cuz love rules at the Love Shack!” he yelled. The five men all joined in the ruckus with laughter. By the middle of the song, they were singing so loud that they missed the small knock on the door.
Gwen could hear the men all the way out in the hall and she knew that they would never hear her soft knock. She tentatively pushed open the door and was shocked at the sight before her. Six grown men, in a conga line, singing at the top of their lungs to the song Love Shack. Not to mention the pair of boxer shorts hanging on a nail that was embedded in the wall. She cleared her throat.
They all stopped, embarrassed and waited for her response. “I’m outta here.” Was all she said. She left the six astonished men behind and slammed the door behind her. The song got louder.
Ezra, Vin, Chris, Josiah and Nathan all turned to look at Buck. He looked back at them and then broke into a wide grin. And all were surprised when their illustrious leader, for the second time that night, yelled “TIN ROOF! RUSTED!” The shout followed the irate young lady down the hall.
The next day at the office, JD found himself to be the center of much attention. He had been scared when he had gotten home last night but Buck was already in bed. This morning, he had left before Buck even had awoken. But much to his surprise, Buck wasn’t even mad when he arrived at the office. The prank had gone over too well.
The other five men were still talking about the events of the night before as well. And as a small reminder, had decorated Buck’s office. Josiah donated the shag carpeting, Nathan, the lava lamp and Ezra, a beaded curtain that he had bought from Spencer’s for just such an occasion.
JD tentatively poked his head around the door to the coffee room. “Buck?”
“Hey kid. And no, I’m not mad. It was actually fun. I just wish that Gwen would’ve stayed but she had poor taste in music anyway.”
JD sighed in relief. “Well, I’ve got to get going. Chris wants me to run an errand.”
“See ya around kid.”
JD bolted from the coffee room as soon as Buck had spoken. He practically ran for the elevator and jumped in right before the doors closed. He didn’t want to be around when Buck got to his office.
Buck walked into his office and just had to smile. He loved the guys. It was never boring in this office complex. But he had enough fun last night and now was the time to get down to work. He opened the top drawer of his desk and the intercom system in his office crackled. A woman’s shrill voice could be heard throughout the ladies man’s office.
“At first I was afraid. I was petrified. Thinking I could never live without you by my side!”
Everyone in the building heard Buck’s anguished cry. “JD! When I get my hands on you…”
~ THE END ~

Let us know what you think-  sejones@vwc.edu  and  fthewl@mail.wm.edu