Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

- QUOTES -

There's No Place Like Home

"Life is like a stork stuck in a folding chair." - myself
"Pair up into groups of three or four." - a well-known geometry teacher
"I don't plan on being promiscuous until I'm married." - Sarah Z.
"If I found rocks on a cloud, I would have KNOWN they were magic." - Nadja
"I don't know which was more fun, losing my mind or losing my virginity." - a line from the superb play, Helium
"Nothing comes between me and my lunch!" - everyone's favorite PE teacher
"There is no bad kind of cholesterol!"
"Isn't that just like you . . .
Stealing my lover and eating my lunch
Isn't that just like you . . .
Stealing my rabbit just to hear him say 'Ribbit ribbit'
Isn't that just like you?"
- One of the fine works of a small Vietnamese friend
"And do you know why?"
a - because they could fly
b - because they were shy
c - because they would fight in the night
d - all of the above
"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated." - Mark Twain
"Yo quiero Taco Bell." - Fox Mulder, in reference to reports of a dog viciously murdering an adult man.
This is why I love that show.
"My butter is better than your butter!" - a slightly competitive accomplice
"So, what is the cost of a beaver?" - a twenty-minute discussion in American History
"You can't recycle sheep!" - good advice from one who knows
For Joseph: Mystic Man! Man's man! The SWELL!
"Hey, you never hear anything about the Mother of Communism, and she's the one who had to push the thing out in the first place!" - your truly
"Never have a religious holiday ever again!" - Wow ... I feel so loved!
"Someone's got to take some initiative, and it's not going to be me!" - Shawna
"And to think, this all started with a bread trampoline." - Tia. She's frighteningly creative.
"Fortune cookie! Total score!" - Myself at the Asian Bake Salr
"Listen to your broccoli, and your broccoli will tell you how to eat it." - Anne Lamott
"Shoe-throwing Christians!" We love them, but the shoes are everywhere.
"Is this Fruitopia spoken for?" - Dear old Dad, trying to secure the rights of fruit drinks everywhere ...
"And if you try hard enough, you can be a water fowl!" - an excerpt from some conversation with Ryan on faith. It's really quite blurry now.
"You can't just go multiplying things by two left and right!" - me vs. my geometry teacher
"When I think about all the c*** I learned in high school
It's a wonder I can think at all..." - Simon & Garfunkel
"You know what they would do? They would stick a red-hot iron through your tongue .... Can you imagine what that would smell like?" - Tom
(Thirty seconds later) "Let's try it!"
"Real men wear purple velour." - So true.
"Who invited Chrissy?" - often heard at Charleston events
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Heck, he can come back thirsty!" - Mr. Cheek says it ... you know it!
"If you must talk, talk silently!" - a bemusing edict from the P.E. teacher
"Real people, on the move." - randomly uttered by my freshman geometry teacher
Me to Russian kitchen server at camp: "What's the difference between these two burritos?"
Russian guy: "This is beef, and this is beef and beef."
"My toes are intact." - Raul in the midst of a telephone conversation
"I am just a grain of sand floating among the chaos." - my computer teacher's analysis of his place in the universe. The mental image gives me a kick, I don't know about you.
"Southerners are very Chinese!" I was not witness to this ... don't ask!
"It's LARB!"
"And no matter what, don't think about rabbits." - Comforting advice before an American History test
"Y no frijoles en sus orificios!" - Rule #2 for Spanish Bingo. I am disturbed.
"I will vanish for a year and try to find myself." - Bernard's plans for when he wins a million dollars
"Some of y'all do have negative boxes!"
"I don't know what the bugs were, but they were big and they ate people." Marianna discussing a movie about large man-eating bugs.
"They were really nice people with a REALLY cool microwave." Nadja discussing NC host family for Acquire the Fire.
"Don't any other customers need to be helped?" - It's just the question of the month ...
"Cute people have no business being straight." - Shawna's pronouncement
"I don't eat lunch. It's bad for my eyes." - Maud, Maud, Maud ...
Just so everyone knows ... Joseph says if you listen really carefully to "Secret Agent Man" you'll hear "Secret Asian Man."
"A butt of rain ... what the heck is a butt of rain? And how do you measure that?" - Lauren and I pondering in Spanish
"The sun isn't shining, but you can today!" - blasted morning announcements at camp
"Did they just say that it's a bluebird-fondling morning?" - The speakers for the morning announcements are not very clear.
"If Jesus had been killed in modern times, would Christians walk around with little electric chairs on chains around their necks?" - Lenny Bruce
"Slavic's still unbeaten, the cookie's still uneaten." - Alex implores new people to come to chess club
"Darn! I drank a fairy!" - one of those things you're startled to hear in the middle of a conversation. Especially from Cary.
"Some of y'all act just like hosses." - Marianna, this one is for you.
"Esquina...that's a pretty name for a giraffe." - Mi maestra de espanol
"They're denting the baby!" - the horrors of amniocentesis
"You want a duck? I'll give you a duck. See me after class!" Joseph .... explain this to me?
"You see, cows don't really exist." The beginning of a somewhat valid argument by Richie on how cows are producing too much methane. I don't see how they can do this, however, if they don't exist.
"I am the only teacher who doesn't turn on the TV when the television is on." - Mi maestra de espanol, the Sequel!
"Yes, this is my child, Lefe. He's French." - conversations with my mom and sister derived from my sister's English homework
"I've always wanted to be Canadian. If I had anything prosthetic, I'd want it to be Canadian." - Nadja's lifelong dream
"Wow! Jews know how to have fun!" Joseph's reply to Eliza explaining one of many Jewish mitzvahs
"It's like Shoney's." - Thomas, I think you and I are the only ones who'd understand this one.
"Time's fun when you're having flies!" - Kermit the Frog
"It's a metaphysical bookstore. So are they books about metaphysical things, or are the books themselves metaphysical?" - me
"Just don't think about rabbits." -Comforting advice before an American History test
"Is there enough chicken for us all?" Jamalia Scott ... I didn't see this one either
"Sometimes you have to dress up in tinfoil to see how much your friends will do for you!" - The Tin(Foil) Man
"I am physically unable to end a sentence in a preposition." - Katherine the Great
"What are those islands that begin with a P . . . Samoans!" - my dear mother
"Psamoans. Like psychology and psoriasis." - my response
"I'm having Vladamir's child!" For Erin and all those who find the humor in that.
"Fruit gives us life, and we must express it." - the silent presence of A Day
"Oh, ick. Her breasts are all lumpy." - issues with a ceramic fertility goddess
"Boy, this sure ain't no yellow limo!" - everyone's favorite bus driver
"I can't trust you people. You're green."
"Sheep are disgusting!" - Our family motto.
"I'll never have friends again that will buy me a toaster!" Me!
"Do not leave toaster unattended." Toaster instructions. I have to find it a babysitter for the daytime ...
"My nose has just been violated!" - post-nostril-attack trauma on my part
"You know this moose is very important to me." - ceramics dilemmas
"Your hair is so pretty. You should shave your head!" - Sarah Nicholas messing with my mind
"I have a pen!" - sung by Ross, musical-style
"That was Jingle Bells." - Sarah Nicholas' explanation of rhythmic tapping upon one's desk
"Join our Shiny Hair Club!"
"All teenagers want a clear complexion, fit body, and shiny hair." - the freshman health book. It troubles me that it said South Carolina edition on it.
"I don't suffer from insanity......I enjoy every minute of it!" - Matt. Isn't he just fabulous?
"I should stop eating with pants on." - We've stopped asking why.
"If you love me, then buy me a toaster." - I said that, and they took it literally.
"Maybe I saw him on the street and gave him an evil glower." - British Sam tries to rationalize being attacked in an Amoco station.
"I'll show you my favorite finger!" - freshman trip gets a bit messy as Nadja threatens me
"What's Mike doing on Ike?" - musings heard on the big yellow school bus
"You gave me a CD, and now I love America!" - my newly American accomplice, Joseph. This is not verbatim.
"What is this music?"
(gasp)"We've reached the UPPER ECHELON!" -Signs of achievement in Algebra 2
"So that just goes to show you, if you're gonna wear your drawers halfway down, don't be gettin' into a fight!" - infamous words
"Nothing says Thanksgiving like a senile Muppet."
and ...
"Nothing says Christmas like a bald lesbian."
"I should stop eating graham crackers upside down." - Erin
"They should make pigs out of chicken." - yeah, I said it.
"I ordered creme broulet!" - The Flan
"Katherine is a lazy bum. Agreed? Good. Let's learn about base 7." - There is no love in JV Math Team.
"See, an optimist is someone who looks around and says, 'There's a pony around here somewhere!'" - my (optimistic) English teacher
"Rice is not an aphrodisiac." -me
"Sure it is. Why do you think there are so many Chinese people?" - mother dearest
"Be one with nature. Go fishing!" - the mad optimist strikes again
"There shall be no throwing of carrots." - the mad optimist attempts to maintain order
"Everyone's looking for their apple tree. I'm just looking for my apple pie." - the silent presence of A Day appears to have a thing for fruit
"What? Little Bunny Foo Foo? That song has NOTHING to do with polar bears!" - Alex missed crucial bits of conversation and made this statement.
"And our bunk wish is that Lenny be free!" (Carrie flings the plastic lobster into the lake)
"They scare me. I'm hiding in the pantry." - little sister's reaction to my friends
"You store water in a shed???" - watershed definitions in American History
"It's the Pliers. Not to be confused with the Flintstones."
"Of course, Maud. Because you know how often THAT happens ..."
(Me picking up phone) "Hello?"
(Person on the other end) "Hello. This isn't Red Lobster, is it?"
"No, no it isn't."
"Oh. Okay. Thanks." (hangs up)
"If you hit my toe, I will kick you!"
"But doesn't that defeat the point?"
"A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, 'Hey, for you? No charge.'" Joke #1 of the Stephen Greenstein Series
"Two atoms bump into each other on the street. One says to the other, 'Oops, I lost an electron!' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first one replies, 'I'm positive.'" Joke #2 of the Stephen Greenstein Series.
Joke #3 is not included. Those who know it, know it. Those who don't ... hee hee, you don't know it!
"Oh ... so THAT'S why it tastes like sugar!" (choke)(gag)(cough)
"Want a Triscuit? It's kosher!" - me. Joseph loves this.
"Is anyone at this party straight?" - a (straight) accomplice
"Did you enjoy your friar?" - Mike and Maud mock my inability to speak at 8 in the morning.
"Ew! This bug is glued to the table!" - Nadja, in reaction to a very deep, thoughtful revelation on the part of another
"It's so much fun to watch left-handers try to write." - The right-handers mock the left-handers of our right-handed society
"You are an angry little apple man." - me. And he was.
"The only good things that ever came out of Japan were Sailor Moon and Chinese food!" Joseph and his friend in Italy arguing as to the importance of Japanese culture.
"Fondling ... that's a pretty word!" - mi maestra de espanol
"I should write a story about two girls: Fonda and Ling." - mi maestra a few days later
"Emily, you are a goddess." - Sure, sure. As long as I have the physics formulas, Rob ...
"Why do they call it tourist season if you can't shoot them?"
"Hey ... we have 30 minutes until the next activity. You know what that means (whips out cards) UNO!" - equally UNO-crazed counselor
"The secret to finding something is knowing where it is" - Tigger
"Zippers are a sign from G-d!" - ruminations in Spanish class.
"A man is not a piece of fruit!" - Death of a Salesman
"Oh. Well, I'm not Jewish."
"Ah well, nobody's perfect ..."
"There has never been a war between two countries with McDonald's."
"Man ... McDonald's is the harbinger of world peace!"
"Remember, dear, it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is with a poor man." - Aren't we all glad to have grandmothers?
"Wherefore, what does Y equal?"
"For the anorexia play today, we will be cancelling lunch." - Things to NOT do when you're putting on a play about anorexia ...
"Many children have died on this hill. Slow caution danger ahead." - Kid in mountain biking explaining how to go down a big hill
"Well, they don't look like Presbyterians." - Fozzie in THE MUPPET MOVIE
"Do all of my people look like sandwiches?" - Gonzo in MUPPETS FROM SPACE!
"May the fish be with you!" - the cosmic fish from MUPPETS FROM SPACE!
"No, there are no aliens here. Just good, hardworking Americans!" -Sam the Eagle in MUPPETS FROM SPACE!
"There's just one thing I don't understand ... why did they ask me to build a jacuzzi?" - Gonzo from MUPPETS FROM SPACE!
"It just goes to show you, you can't tell just by looking at somebody's card." - mother dearest
"If you must sign, always use protection!" - my conclusion
"I abstained from signing." - an accomplice free of STIs
"Erin, seriously, are you interested in babysitting?" - for the benefit of those who get the joke in that.
"Loch Ness turtles are invading Vietnam." - Ryan's newfound knowledge, gained from a tabloid on the way home from freshman trip
"A watched house never boils." - my advice
"Hey! All the other houses are boiling!" - Mom's reaction
"You don't like pecans? You are one sick, sick little monkey." - accusation made by Erin at Waterfront Park
"I am not gay, but for Richard Gere I will make an exception!" - heard at camp on the way to lunch
"Wait. Where were the Trojans from? Not Troy?" - dad
"No, the Trojans weren't from Troy, they were from Toledo." - mom
"No! They were from Troj!!!" - me
"I was once Gruffy the Bear who got his heys and hos mixed up." - a random, yet strangely touching revelation from Lauren, also at Waterfront Park
"Normal is just a setting on the dryer." - Anne Lamott. I love that woman.

Those who can supply me with more quotes, e-mail me at athena2823@webmail.bellsouth.net as I have lost my dear quote book. It's tragic. Do help.

Oh, and before I forget, make sure you check out Quotes-R-Us. It makes my site look like a microbe. No, not even a microbe. A nucleus. No, an atom. No, a proton!!! No ... oh, I don't even know what. Just check it out - and be sure to see the Hall of Fame, too.