"As the full moon rises in the black, starlit sky; as the wind
moans through the claw-like branches of the trees; as the fire casts
flickering, dancing shadows against the wall; I will tell you my story.
My story is one of mystery and deception; of conspiracies and
greed. Beware the ones who say my story is untrue--for they are the ones
who have already been transformed into mindless, empty, trusting human
puppets! The tale begins with one. One object that may look like a
harmless writing utensil, but is really a powerful weapon of mass
destruction! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...the BIC pen.
Ah! You seem to recognize the name! Perhaps you have one of the
BICs at home--or one with you this very moment. As they say, let the
buyer beware, for I know something about BIC pens that none of you could
imagine in your wildest dreams. What is that terrible secret? Only
something that lurks in your darkest nightmares. All the same, I shall
tell you--and you will be forever in debt to me for keeping you from the
miserable fate of becoming an ignorant, mindless pawn of the government!
Yes, the government!
But before I delve into the twisted minds of our government
officials, let me ask you a question: Do you know what BIC stands for?
Do you? No? Well, I'll tell you what BIC stands for. BIC is an acronym
for Bionic Internal Camera. Do not gasp in surprise! It makes perfect
sense! Why else would they show a little man with a round black dot for
a head on each pen? A dot?! No, that is not a dot. More like a tiny
lens for the video camera inside the pen. It's recording! Always
recording! It records everything around it, and then sends news of your
every action across the world! But what does "bionic" have to do with
it, you ask? It does not mean that the camera is controlled by
biomatter--that would be to far-fetched. The term refers to the fact
that the little man, whose head is the lens for the camera, has almost
become human, even god-like in the eyes of the pen's creators! Although
he is a mere ink splotch of a man, indented in plastic, the creators of
BIC have gradually gone insane--until their tortured minds view the BIC
man as a living being! However, as heinous and appalling as that sounds,
there is something worse to be considered in the battle against the BICs.
Have you ever wondered how the FBI gets so much information about
the citizens of the United States--and even the world? Do you shiver
when you think about just how much they know about you? Well, shiver and
shudder and tremble in your shoes, for they know so much more about us
than you think. Once again, it is caused by those odious pens! Those
horrible, wretched, despicable pens! Everything the camera sees is sent
directly to the US government, where wealthy, cigar-smoking individuals
watch millions, no--even billions of television screens day and night,
keeping a close watch on the misguided owners of the BIC pens. Think
carefully! What have you done under the intruding gaze of a BIC pen? Do
you want a wealthy government official watching those things while
sipping his morning coffee and eating a cheese strudel? Who knows what
they know about us?
Yes, the government is sly, but we have one advantage--we know they are
there, lurking in the aisles of office supply stores; in the hands of
colleagues and friends. Watching. Always watching. With this
knowledge, we can fight back! We will not be unknowing pawns of a
sadistic, conspiring government and pen company! We shall overcome!
So now, I humbly call on you, ladies and gentlemen. We shall not
be shackled to the government's cruel bondage! We will strike back! So,
my friends, I beg of you, give me your pens! Send them to me as a
sacrifice to the shadow government! And then--then we shall watch them
burn! A blazing fire made up of the very objects the government sent out
to destroy our uniqueness and humanity! Imagine their faces as they
watch their view screens' images blocked by flames! But that is not
all--we must also tell the world our tale--the tale of the BICs; the
truth about the seemingly innocent writing utensils. No one must be an
ignorant pawn of the government! We shall crush these infringements on
the rights of the people! We shall!
But beware the BICs, my friends and compatriots. Beware the
BICs, for the government will not tolerate our cause. Be on your guard,
be ever watchful; for the BICs are watching you.
Please send this to everyone you know... there will be no consequences if you don't but I am warning you, THEY WILL GET YOU... so spread the word.
This is what THEY will do to you:
example number one: Sarah and Maggie were twins and did everything together. One day Maggie received this letter and chose not to send it. A few days before Thanksgiving they both disappeared. THEY took them away, performed several strange tests and separated the twins... Maggie and Sarah have not seen each other since.
example number two: Krystyn was a happy child and had many friends. Her grades were good and she was almost finished writing her first novel. One day, she received this letter and didn't send it because she was too busy. The night after her 16th birthday her boyfriend was driving her home after going to a movie. A car containing one of THEIR special agents was coming strait at them, Krystyn's car swerved and hit a tree. Her boy friend was killed and Krystyn is still in a coma today.
You see, this is what will happen to you and to those you love if you do not warn them about THEIR evil plans.
Thank you.
BR>
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