"Huh?" Dani mumbled as she entered the living room at 11 am after a long, productive sleep.
Her father was in a suit, her mother in a cerulean blue dress. The twins were both in long, swishy black skirts with pink and lime green shirts. Ari was home, wearing a green dress, her hair braided. Missy and Samantha were in long, white dresses and were whining and crying to get out of their playpen.
"What's going on?" Dani cried.
Everyone looked at her strangely. "Missy and Sammy are getting christened today," Maggie said. "El cinco de Mayo, remember?"
"No," Dani said. "I don't remember."
"Go get dressed, we're leaving in ten minutes," Scully said, a hunk of cheese, half eaten, in her left hand.
"Dude!" Maggie cried. "Can I wear my Doc Martens?"
"No! I don't want to go to church!" Sarah screamed suddenly. "I won't go! I refuse!"
"Sarah, not now! We're going to church and you'll get over it!" Scully yelled.
Mulder stepped in. "I get her point...being 1/2 Jewish, I understand how she doesn't want to go to a place of Christian worship."
"Shut up," Scully yelled. "Go get me some food!"
"Mom, I'm not going and you can't make me!"
"I can," Maggie offered.
"No you can't Maggslee, shush."
Maggie sighed. "Oh well. Dani will conform."
Dani saluted. "Right-o!"
Scully grabbed Sarah's arm and went to lead her outside. Sarah threw her head back hard so she went crashing to the floor. She grabbed onto the leg of the couch. "I'm not going!" she screamed.
Scully tried to pull her, but Sarah held tight and the couch started to slide. "God dammit!" Scully screamed. "What do I have to do to make you go?"
Sarah squeezed her eyes shut. "500 new sunflowers, 21 new toasters and a new duck to be Stinky's friend!"
"Done," Scully sighed.
"DUDE!" Maggie screamed happily.
Mulder tensed.
Dani raced upstairs and quickly put on a light yellow dress, one that was very pretty and un-Dani-like. But she couldn't find anything else. She ran back down the the living room to see Ari holding a banana.
Dani screamed. "Ari, put that down!"
"Your dress is banana yellow," she said softly. "Ba-naaaaaah-naaaaaah, Baaaaa, Baaaaa."
"Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?" Maggie sang to Samantha in her arms.
"Yes sir, yes sir, ew bags full," Sarah sang to Missy.
Missy grabbed Sarah's nose and pulled. "OW! Damn kid!"
Scully snatched Ari's banana and threw it out the window, the window, the first story window, then lead everyone out to the car.
"Dude, who's gonna be their godparents?"
"Well," Mulder said. "We have no social lives. So Danny and Krycek are going to be their godfathers, while Holly and Marita will be their godmothers."
Dani looked up sharply. "My mother is going to be there?" she asked, alarmed. Dani never met her mother.
"Yeah," Mulder said.
Ari smiled. "Dad's gonna be there?" She knew her father pretty well.
"Yes ma'am."
Dani was still in shock. She knew her father was dead. But knowing her mother alive was always scaryŠand now she was going to meet her.
Scully sat in the front seat of that wretched minivan eating a container of ice cream. The smell of chocolate in the morning nauseated everyone else. "Mom, you cow," Sarah whined.
"Only thing to do is jump over the moon," Maggie sang.
"Mooooo!" Missy and Samantha cried, having been taught well.
Scully looked pissed. "It's not my fault I'm pregnant!"
"It was consensual!" Mulder yelled. "For the millionth time!"
Maggie blocked her ears. "Ew, okay, that's enough now."
Mulder grumbled and continued to drive.
Soon enough, they were at McMurphee's Church. They all spilled out of the car. Maggie and Sarah took the twins in. Ari stood next to her mother and Dani hung back, her heart pounding with fear. She was about to meet her maternal unit. Her real one. Not Scully, not Eve 6, just her mother. Marita Covarrubias.
At the front of the church, Marita stood, her frosty blue eyes scanning over everyone, her blond hair perfect. She got out of that clinic she was in during One Son a long time agoŠor was it Two Fathers? I forget. *must rewatch the episode*
Dani stared at her and was pulled along by Ari. "Hi Daddy!" Ari yelled, running up to the skanky looking man with the crappy tie.
"Hi Ariella!" Krycek said, hugging his daughter. Ari looked smug hugging him as she looked at Dani.
"Greetings," Marita said cooly as the Mulders approached her.
Sarah stared with awe. "She said greetings!" she whispered to Dani excitedly.
"Who are these children?" she asked.
Dani was crushed. She doesn't even know who I am!
Mulder pointed to everyone. "This is Scully," he said, then pointed to her stomach. "This is our unborn child, this over here is Maggie, Samantha, Sarah, Melissa, and this is Danielle Seragi Bruckman-Carter-Covarrubias-Mulder."
"Covarrubias?" Marita asked.
"Yeah, cloning clinic, DNA experiments, hello?" Scully asked, angry because her ice cream was gone.
Marita frowned at her daughter. "She's awfully small."
Maggie and Sarah burst into hysterical laughter and almost dropped the babies.
"I'm almost fifteen," stammered Dani.
Marita nodded. "How exquisite," she said, tipping her head from side to side.
"And who is her father?"
"Clyde Bruckman, psycho," Scully replied.
"Psychic," corrected Mulder.
"Whatever."
"Dude," Maggie interjected.
Mulder turned around so no one could see his face.
Marita smiled and kissed her daughter stoically on the forehead. "Hi honey."
Dani was crushed. Her mother didn't even care. Come to think of it, Dani didn't care She was with her family. Screw Ratgirl!
The ceremony began. The godparents of Samantha Grace Mulder were named as Alexander Krycek and Marita Covarrubias. The godparents of Melissa Rose Mulder were named as Danny Whats-His-Name and Holly Whats-Her-Name.
The priest, Father Crap, went to pour the holy water on Samantha's head. The instant it touched her, she arched her back in Scullys arms and started to scream like acid was being poured over her. Ari, Dani, Maggie and Sarah burst into uncontrolable, hysterical laughter and were ushered out of the church. They had to pin Melissa down to pour the water over her head too.
The twins cried the entire way home, slapping at their foreheads. Ari was mad because she got kicked out of a church even though she wasn't even Christian. Maggie thought it was hysterical, and Sarah was mad because she was convinced that the dude (Mulder tensed) who ushered them out stole a quarter from her shoe. Convinced that Catholics are evil. Dani just smiled and decided that her mother was an ice queenŠboth of them. Scully was yelling at Mulder, claiming that his evil karma had caused the twins to be allergic to Holy water. Mulder yelled back that it wasn't his fault, and then Scully burst into tears because she was afraid the next baby would be the same because of him.
"IT WAS CONSENSUAL!" everyone in the car screamed at Scully.
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