FBBN Headquarters
Washington, D.C.
12/19/2012
10:13 am
Two girls strolled down the halls of the FBBN headquarters, their eyes fixed straight ahead. Each girl was dressed very stylishly, yet professionally. Who would have guessed that they were only sixteen years old?
Ever since their admittance to the Federal Bureau of Bad News two years earlier, they had busied themselves by trying to prove that they were great on their own, not only because they were Mulders. However, because of that illustrious last name, the expectations they attempted to meet and soar above were extremely high.
Their office was the family office, two doors down from Assistant Director Yoluuf Nefflarshnifft. It said “AGENTS MULDER AND MULDER” on the door in bold, purple puffy paint. The girl with the long red hair inserted her key in the lock and looked expectantly to her twin.
The other girl, with the long dark brown hair, took out her key and placed it into the lock above her sister’s. They nodded simultaneously and turned their keys. The door swung open.
“Oh man!” the dark haired twin exclaimed. “Someone broke into our filing cabinet again!”
It was true. Manila folders littered the floor, and papers were strewn about. All the cases that the FBBN’s X-Files division handled…when a rabid cat attempted to overthrow the government, when an alien hijacked a plane screaming “I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!”, and the time Bob the Glasseater got through five states before anyone noticed their glass appendages were gone…all of these cases were in a huge, disorganized pile on the floor.
“I’ll kick the ass of the sorry son of a bitch who did this to our office!” the red haired girl cried, clenching her hands into small fists of rage.
“Chill, sweetie,” the dark haired girl said, getting on her knees and flipping through the papers. “Just help me get these back into order, okay?”
The girl with the red hair sighed, but did as her twin had requested. Moments later, the phone rang. “You get it,” the girl with the red hair said.
The dark haired girl stood up, brushed off her dark skirt and grabbed the phone. “Mulder,” she said.
“Is this Sarah Mulder?” came a low, wheezy voice.
“No, this is Samantha Mulder,” she said, shifting the phone to her other ear. “Who is this, please?”
“Samantha Mulder? Working for the FBBN? Why, you’re just a little girl?”
“Actually, sir, I’m sixteen now. My sister and I have taken over the positions of our older sisters. Would you like to know how to contact them?”
“There’s not enough time,” the voice answered. “Just listen. I have something very important I need to tell you. I can tell by your telephone etiquette that you are more sane, and therefore more trustworthy, than your older sisters.”
Samantha snapped her fingers. Her twin with the red hair, Melissa, looked up. Samantha motioned for her to pick up the other extension and listen in. Melissa jumped up, bounded across the room, grabbed the phone and remained very still as she listened to the low, wheezy voice.
“The two of you must come to 547 Central Street at exactly 7 pm. Wear your trenchcoats, carry your weapons. This could be very dangerous. Meet me in the treehouse in the backyard. Tell nobody.”
The line went dead.
“Who was that?” asked Melissa, putting down the phone.
Samantha shrugged and hung up her phone as well. “Beats me. What do you say? Should we trust him?”
“Of course!” cried Melissa. “He knows Maggie and Sarah, and you know they murder people they don’t trust.”
“That’s true,” agreed Samantha. “Maybe we should call them and ask if they know who the low, wheezy voice belongs to.”
“Sam, are you crazy?” Melissa cried, sitting in her chair and throwing her hands up in disbelief. “We can’t call any FBI office from this number! They know it! And anyways, we’ll blow their cover!”
Years ago, Maggie and Sarah had gotten permission to join the FBI. Secretly, they were trying to bring it down from the inside in order to expose the Shadow Government, which somehow always doubled in power and number every time they thought they killed them all. Currently, Sarah was living in Wyoming and secretly mapping out the DNA of alien abductees while under the pretense of solving a triple homicide. Maggie was living in New York City with her musician boyfriend Roger Davis and their two children, Rob and Laura. She was secretly working on the same project as Sarah, pretending to look for inoculations for the new diseases the government was creating. Meanwhile, Dani had quit the government all together and traveled the world, producing and directing phenomenal musicals and making millions of dollars with her husband, Seifer Peroxide. Recently, Dani had a son who she named Hydrogen. At six months old, he could disarm any bomb placed in his crib. The child was a prodigy. It was also rumored that he had telekinetic powers.
“So we’ll call them at home then, big deal!” Samantha said.
“Sam, he said not to tell anybody. Let’s just keep this under our hats until we can figure out exactly what’s going on,” Melissa suggested.
The twins solemnly placed floppy hats on their heads that said WE ARE NOT HIDING ANYTHING. Just then, A.D. Nefflarshnifft opened the door to the office. “Agents…” he began, then looked around at the mess on the floor. “What happened here?”
“Somebody broke into our filing cabinet,” Melissa said, smoothing down her red, wavy hair. “But don’t worry about. We’ve got everything under control.”
“Why are you wearing your guilty hats?” Yoluuf asked suspiciously.
“Why, whatever do you mean?” Samantha asked, batting her dark eyes at him and smiling. “Are you suggesting that we’re hiding something?”
Yoluuf shook his head in amazement. “You know, if I had asked your sisters that same question, they would have stapled and glued me to the floor. And that little one would have quite possibly cast a spell on me to send me a million years into the future. You guys are nothing alike.”
“Well,” Melissa said. “We weren’t created in a lab. And we don’t have any extra chromosomes, you know. We’re just regular, run-of-the-mill girls who come from a highly dysfunctional family.”
“Nothing to see here,” Samantha then said, shooing him out of the room and slamming the door. She turned to her sister and glared. “Just keep your mouth shut, will you Missy?”
Melissa shrugged. “Oh, come on. Let him think we’re normal.”
“Missy, we’re Mulders. He knows we’re not normal!”
