The spaceship was huge, to say the least. It was enormous. It was gigantic. And out from it poured a bunch of little green men with big huge heads.
“THEY’RE HERE!” Mulder screamed. Scully struggled to keep him from pulling his pants off and making a complete ass out of himself in the process.
“We know that!” Dani shouted. “Keep your clothes on, Dad!”
Mulder stopped trying to get naked.
One of the aliens spoke. “What did it say?” Sarah asked.
“It said ‘we are here to take your planet’,” Dani replied.
“You can understand the aliens?” Maggie asked incredulously.
“Of course I can,” Dani said. “Does that surprise you?”
“Of course not,” Tea said with a smile. “It doesn’t surprise me in the least.”
“Tell them that we’re the Mulders,” Scully said.
Dani made some strange sounds, and the aliens made strange sounds back at her. She translated as they spoke. “We know who you are…and we know that if we want to take over the planet…we have to kill every last one of you…which is what we’re going to do right now.”
Sarah shrieked. “No! I don’t want to die without my toaster!”
Hydro began to cry. Rob and Laura held tight to their mother’s legs. The aliens saw this and said something.
“They want to know who the children are,” Dani said. She told the aliens, in their language, that the children were also Mulders.
The aliens started screaming in their language. Dani translated. “Holy shit! They’ve procreated! They’re covering the planet with little Mulder clones! No way in hell can we take over a planet crawling with Mulders! We’re doomed! Let’s get out of here!”
Mulder, Scully, Dani, Tea, Maggie, Sarah, Missy, Sam, Charlie, Rob, Laura and Hydro all watched in awe as the aliens fought to pile pack into their UFO and fly back into the sky.
They all stood in silence, staring at the spot where moments before, aliens had threatened to murder them.
“Oh my God,” Tea finally said.
“We just saved the God damned planet…” Dani said.
For another few moments, everybody was silent.
“I can’t believe it. They’re afraid of us!” Missy shouted. “We’re not only feared on Earth, but throughout the universe! I’ll never get a boyfriend at this rate!”
Sam laughed. “Missy, who cares? Our family just saved the Earth from being overrun by little green men!”
“Thanks to you guys,” Sarah said proudly. “If it weren’t for you two, we never would have known to come here.”
“Yeah,” Missy and Sam said, slow smiles spreading across their faces.
“You guys are definitely the best agents the FBBN has ever known…since we left, anyways,” Maggie said. “Way to save the world, ladies!”
(<>..<>)
The next night, Missy and Sam lay in their beds staring at the ceiling. “You awake, Missy?” Sam called.
“Yeah. I can’t stop wondering what would have happened if we never went to meet Boris Heckler with the low, wheezy voice.”
“We’d probably be dead by now.”
“Maybe. But don’t you think the aliens would have noticed that Mulders are "populating the planet" when they tried to take it over?”
“But Missy, Mulders aren’t populating the planet. The aliens only got freaked out because two of the more insane of the brood procreated. I think they blew the situation way out of proportion and probably should have tried to conquer the world. We couldn’t have stopped them.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” Missy replied. “I guess the only thing that matters is Sarah didn’t die without her toaster.”
“Yeah,” Sam agreed. “Goodnight, Mulder.”
“Goodnight, Mulder.”
