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A Story About Onions



"Mom, lay off the onions," Sarah Mulder quietly told her mother.

Dana Scully-Mulder looked up at her daughter who was staring at her with a frown. She put down the onion she had been picking apart and eating chunks off of. "What's wrong with eating onions?"

Maggie came into the kitchen. "It's morally wrong, Mom. You don't eat onions plain."

Arielle came in after them and picked a banana up off the counter. "Yeah, they're right, Mom. Take a banana for instance. A healthy fruit, loaded with potassium. And look, they're even fun to eat! You have to peeeeeeeeel them," she said, peeling off some of the skin. "Look at it peel...so...sweet, so gentle, so sensual..."

"ARI!" screeched Sarah. "Bananas are not sensual!"

Ari's eyes grew. "I didn't mean it like that!" she shouted, throwing a chunk of the banana at her sister. "I meant it's a beautiful process!"

Ari continued to peel. "See how the fibers gently pull apart? You can smells the banana...and how good it smells," she whispered gently as Dani came in, holding Samantha. Dani stopped short, and her eyes grew wide. "What's wrong with her?" she mouthed to her mother, who stood open mouthed, holding an onion and looking awfully terrified.

"And then, all that remains is the beautiful fruit," Ari whispered, bringing it to her lips.

Samantha reached over and grabbed it, smushing it in her fingers. "Mine!" she shrieked, bringing the squished banana to her lips.

"Sammy!" wailed Ari. "My banana!"

"Mine!" Samantha shouted again. "My 'nana!"

Maggie and Sarah were clutching each other and trembling, eyes teary. "Ari, never do that again," Maggie pleaded in a whisper. "Please."

Ari ate the chunk of banana remaining in her hands. "Sure, fine, whatever," she said, turning on her heel and flouncing off.

Scully trembled and peeled off a piece of the onion with her fingernails. "How strange," she murmured, popping the piece in her mouth.

"Mom, can you not eat that, it smells awful," Dani moaned, setting Samantha down on the floor. Samantha slammed her hand up against Sarah's black skirt, leaving a banana hand print. "Damn the man!" Sarah yelled. "Samantha!"

Samantha giggled and ran off, and Scully put down the onion and went to the refridgerator. She emerged with a sock. "Whose is this?"

"Mine," Maggie said casually. "My feet were hot."

"So what do cold socks do for hot feet?"

"Nothing, I was bored," Maggie said. She got a sock thrown in her face.

Scully came out with another onion. "MOM!" wailed Sarah. "They smell so gross!"

Mulder came in and saw Scully eating the onion. "Oh no," he groaned. "Not again."

"What?" Dani, Maggie and Sarah asked.

Mulder sighed. "She ate onions when she was pregnant with Missy and Samantha."

It took a minute, but the gross number of girls suddenly realized their mother was eating onions...for two.

Maggie made a face. "Oh sick, my parents go at it still?"

Sarah put an hand on her twins' shoulder and whispered, "Maggie, we're shippers."

"BUT THEY'RE OUR PARENTS!" Maggie wailed, then hesitated. "Hey, cool, another sibling. Kick ass."

"Cool, another mouth to feed, kick ass," Mulder and Scully said in unison.

Ari came back in and picked up a banana. "A banana...is art."

They all ran.



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