If I hear Maggie say "Dude" one more time, I'm literally going to hit the roof.
Ever since we got out of the car, it's been Dude this and Dude that. She's abandoned "Gag me with a spoon" for "Dude, what the hell?" It's better than the phase where every word was replaced somehow with "shit".
"Oh Maggie, where's Sarah?"
"She'll be here shitly," she would reply, as in shortly.
Damn the man, in her words.
Save the empire, in Sarah's words.
But the Empire Struck Back, yadda yadda yadda, in Dani's words.
Scully is such a bitch when she's pregnant. And she always blames it all on me! Well Christ, it's not *all* my fault. Granted, it is mostly, but not completely! Totally, 100% consensual sex. We are married after all.
Onto other matters.
I'm not sure that Robert actually was in Alaska. I just made that up because I've always wanted to visit Anchorage. Seems like a neat place. Maybe I could have seen a penguin.
I've heard the older twins and Dani refer to Robert as "Ratboy Roberto". Could they know that Roberts real mother is a hispanic woman? I lied, the mother isn't hispanic. Damn. Just felt like saying it is all. Don't freak out on me.
I like my kids. They're pretty cool in their own, unique and sometimes horrifyingly scary ways. Arielle, we don't see her much. For some reason, the other kids don't like her too much. I like her fine, even if she is Ratboy's daughter. It pisses me off that my wife has kids with other men, but I can get over it. Kinda. Ariella is one of those unique people who can make you do anything with the bat of an eyelash.
Dani is another story. She's so small, and her glasses are so square, but she's very smart. She doesn't let it show too often, she's too busy stalking cheerleaders and making hit lists.
Maggie is a funny person. She has annoying antics and about sixty thousand bad habits, but the girl can harmonize. Not only that, but she can kick a soccer ball 100 miles per hour into the unsuspecting face of a bimbo with amazing accuracy and frighten people with one smile.
Sarah is funny too, but unlike the wise-ass, annoying twin, her humour is more dark and subtle. The girl can sing. Not only that, but she can put together one funny outfit consisting of a pink golf shirt and alien tights.
Samantha is a lot like Sarah in looks but Maggie in personality. She's the loud, demanding child who's clingy to her mother and hates me.
Melissa is a lot like Maggie in looks but Sarah in personality. She's the quiet, evil child who's clingy to me and hates her mother.
I hate that fucking goose. Just the sound of it honking makes me want to jump out a window, a window, a second story window. The cat I can stand. But if Stinky comes near me and tries to bit my ears one more time, he dies.
Well, that's all for now, I have to go abduct some aliens.
Yours sincerely,
Fox W. Mulder
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