Once upon a time there lived a pair of twins whose little sisters were also a pair of twins. Some people would perhaps think that twins ran in the family, but the truth was, the older girls were procreated in the basement of the Pentagon, and their little sisters were mysteriously conceived by an ova-less mother. It was all strange and it was all confusing.
The older twins were named Margaret Ann and Sarah Katherine. Most people called Margaret Maggie, and most people called Sarah...well, Sarah. The little ones were named Samantha and Melissa. Melissa was called Missy, and Samantha was sometimes referred to as Sam.
All four girls resembled both their parents. Sarah and Samantha both had dark hair, like their father, and dark eyes, unlike either parents. Maggie and Missy had a more reddish tone to their hair, like their hot-tempered mother. Maggie's eyes were a greenish-hazel like her father, while Missy's were blue like her mother.
They lived in a small apartment. Maggie and Sarah shared a small room that used to serve as their mothers closet, and Missy and Samantha slept in cribs in their parents bedrooms. Their parents slept in their bedroom. Sometimes their father slept on the couch, claiming he was remembering "The Good Old Days"...whatever that was supposed to mean. Maggie and Sarah were very close. They shared a lot of similarities, shoe size, taste in music and TV shows and a love of potatoes. They also expressed a certain hate against the Spice Girls. But who honestly thinks their music is fit for human ears?
Once upon a time, these girls had to be enrolled in school. It was the last thing they wanted to do, but it was against the law not to. Their mother used her badge and her gun to convince the counselors that the girls should be in classes together considering their disturbing past.
So on the first day of school, they slowly walked side by side, both dressed all in black and both wearing silver washers on silver chains around their necks. They ignored the heat and braved the stares and walked straight into the main office.
A tall, grey, severely ugly woman smiled at them. "Are you two new?"
"To this planet, yes," Sarah said, raising an eyebrow.
She smiled again, confused. "Well, what are your names?"
"What's it to you?" asked Maggie.
"Well...I have to give you your schedules," she said nervously.
"My name is Margaret," Sarah said.
"I'm Sarah," Maggie supplied.
"What's your last name?"
"Mulder."
The woman nodded knowingly. "Ahh, the twins with the mother with the bad temper."
"That's us."
Each girl was handed the wrong schedule, but it didn1t matter since they shared every class. "You may proceed to your homeroom, it's on the schedule," the woman said.
Wordlessly, the girls turned and walked out. The proceeded to room F1013 with knowing smiles and took seats in the back of the room.
The teacher began to babble, and a blond cheerleader in front of Sarah turned around excitedly. "So, where did you move from?"
"Niophita," Sarah said casually.
"Whoa, you're like, scaring me!" she cried, tossing her head from side to side.
"Are you wearing shoulder pads for protection? I worry about people like you," chimed in Maggie.
"You are weird!" she said.
"At least we haven't lost the touch," said Sarah, a slow, sweet smile spreading across the face that so resembled that of an alien and her parents.
"At least we still have our oddities."
The teacher came into the room, and a loud, piercing shriek came from the back of the room. Everyone turned around and watched Maggie grab her chest, wheeze and fall to the floor in a faint. Everyone held their breath, wondering if she was dead. Then she jumped up and screamed at the teacher, "YOU!! IT'S ALL YOUR DOING!"
Miss Fowley smiled. "Excuse me?"
"DIE DIANA, DIE!" Sarah screeched.
The two new girls calmly sat down, making X's with their forefingers to keep away Diana's evil karma.
"Um...well, today we're learning about the effects of lightning on the human body," the teacher said nervously.
"Darren Peter Oswold, or whatever his name was, he turned into a crazy psychopath," Sarah said sweetly.
"Excuse me?" the teacher cried.
Sarah smiled.
"Well, today we have a guest from the Federal Bureau of Investigation who's going to talk to us about lightning."
The door opened, and in crawled...
"Skinner?" Maggie asked.
"Meow," he replied, rubbing up against Diana's leg.
Diana stared down in psuedocomfort. "Hello, A.D. Skinner," she said uneasily. "Sit in the chair, please."
Skinner jumped up, flapped his arms like they were wings, crowed and sat down.
"Now, does anyone have any questions for Assistant Director Skinner?"
A tall brunette stood up. "Yah, like, have you ever shot someone?"
"Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner," sang the A.D.
"Huh?"
"Oh I wish I were a Robert Patrick Mo-dell," sang the A.D.
"I asked you a question, can you like, answer me?"
"Oh I wish a were an Ed-die van Blundht, telling people the h is si-lent," sang the A.D.
"What the hell are you talking about, Walty?" asked Sarah, jumping up and marching up to him.
"It's all your doing," he hissed. "You cigarette-smoking bastard!"
Sarah slapped him, and Maggie got up and stood on her desk. She recited the Constitution. "Mr Skinner," Sarah said. "Listen to me. Tell me who did this to you."
He blew a giant spit bubble that popped promptly. Skinner Saliva flew all over the room and specked the windows. "EEEEEWWW!" the class shrieked.
"I stand on the fifth amendment," he said as Sarah wiped the spit off her lower lip.
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