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WTFIUWTY? (What The Fuck Is Up With That Yo?)

Chad Octagon was a boring fellow. He was about five foot eight, with brown hair and brown eyes. He was of average weight, looks, and intelligence. He had never tried to amount to much in his life. His mother was a prostitute from Los Angeles and his father had been an overweight car salesman. He was brought up mostly in a small apartment building in the ghetto of Portland, Oregon. His mother quit whoring and got herself a full-time job at a gas station and a part-time one answering phones for Jenny Craig. She saved up enough money to send her dear son Chad to the local community college. She watched him graduate with pride, and sends him a letter every week where he now lives, in Washington, D.C. He works as security guard for an iffy government agency known as the Federal Bureau of Bad News, or the F.B.B.N. to the cool ones.

Chad also had a penchant for animal pornography. On this particular day, he received the new issue of National Geographic in the mail. So on that particular day, he was so engrossed in the photographs of humping giraffes that he didn't see four girls dressed in tight black leather march in synchrony into the building, squirt guns armed and aimed at no one and nothing in particular. He was fired later that day.

They reached room 724. They hadn't been spotted. Tea nodded at Dani, who threw out her leg and kicked open the door with the plate that spelled out "Yolof Nefflarschnifft" on the door.

Yolof looked up from his desk in surprise. He had been carving his name into the wood with a protractor and talking to his wife, Svetlana, on the phone. "I'll call you back, majoozlewanky," he said tenderly, hanging up the phone. He sighed as the Mulder girls sprawled out on chairs in his office. "What now."

Maggie lit a cigarette, let it dangle from her lips and leaned in really, really close to Yolof. "What do we want?" she asked with a hint of a Russian accent. "What we want is the TRUTH!" she screamed, slamming her hand down onto Yolof's desk. Disgusted, Yolof pulled the cigarette from between his lips and chucked it out the window. "Hey!" Maggie moaned.

Sarah jumped up. "Ratboy's gone," she said. "Ratboy's gone, and I want a cookie. Where are the cookies, Yolof?" she demanded, eyes half-filled with tears. "Huh? WHERE ARE THEY?!?"

"Ratboy is gone?" Yolof asked in a panic.

"Yes," Dani said matter of factly as Sarah began to try and climb the walls. "Ratboy is missing, and we need to find him."

"Why?"

The girls all stopped and looked at each other. "Because...we...uhhh, 'cause our mom...she and our dad...well maybe if we..." Tea finally gave up and trailed off.

"We need something to do?" Sarah offered with a shrug.

Yolof nodded. "Okay. And what do you want me to do about it?"

Again, the girls exchanged blank looks. "WTFIUWTY?" Maggie asked disgustedly. The girls peeled off the uncomfortable black leather, revealing their normal clothes. "Let's go on a road trip and find the bastard."

The girls trailed out and closed the door. A second later, Dani peeked her head back in. "Sorry I kicked the door open. There's a gaping hole in the front."

"No problem," Yolof assured her.

Dani grinned. "Thanks, buddy." She closed the door and walked away. Yolof sighed, hearing a creaking sound. A moment later, the door fell off of it's hinges and crashed onto the floor.