Happy Birthday to Y'All!

Dani woke up, a satisfied smile already on her face. It was her sixteenth birthday. "Sweet sixteen?" Maggie had asked the day before. Everyone burst into hysterical laughter, except for Charlie, who was sleeping.

"Just think," she said to herself as she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. "If the year were 1978, I could legally buy cigarettes."

She glanced at the clock. "Damn," she muttered. She knew that she was born at 7:06 am, but it was only 6:19. She sighed and sat up.

Téa was sound asleep in her bed. Originally, Téa slept in the attic. Actually, she always did. But Dani kept an inflatable mattress in her room just in case she and Téa were to have one of those all-nighters. Which they often did. So Téa was dead asleep on the air mattress.

She heard shuffling, a bang, a "shhh!" and muffled whispers. Someone giggled maniacally, and there was another bang. It was coming from the doorway. Dani groaned. "What now?" she asked as she got out of bed, her silky black nightgown dragging on the floor behind her. "Superglue falling on my head when I open the door? A bowl full of dead rats?"

She flung the door open. Sarah and Maggie turned, their eyes huge. "Dammit Dani, go back to bed, we aren't done!" Maggie yelled, diving at her sister and pushing her back into the room before she could see what they were doing. She slammed the door.

Dani groaned as Téa woke up. "Huh?"

Dani groaned. "Maggie and Sarah have planned us a birthday surprise," Dani replied.

Téa's eyes grew wide. "Should I be scared?"

Dani nodded solemnly and flung open her closet. "Let's see, let's see," she mused. She ran her hand over her black silky mini-skirt and wondered what would go well with it.

Five minutes later, "DANI, TEA', COME OUT NOW!" was bellowed from the hallway.

Dani looked up. She had just finished dressing. She wore a black, silky mini-skirt to her mid thighs. She wore a plain, black, short-sleeved shirt, and over that, a black silky shirt, with three-quarter length sleeves and buttons. She left the buttons undone and tied it at her waist. She wore a sheer black schmatta, and dark eye makeup. She flung the door open as she laced her knee high boots and shrieked in surprise.

There was black crepe paper everywhere, as well as black balloons with bright purple ribbons curled. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y'ALL" was painted on a long, black banner with dripping red letters. A long coffin-shaped table was pushed up against the banister, covered in burning candles. One large, unlit, purple candle spelled out CAPRICORN. "Ohh!" Dani cried in appreciation. Maggie and Sarah stood at the door to their bedroom, in their nightgowns (Maggie's purple and Sarah's blue) with big smiles. They began to sang a duet, a strange rendition of Happy Birthday. "Happy Birthday to y'all," they sang. "Now let's go terrorize the mall! Happy Birthday other Psycho Twins, Watch out for the bowling ball!"

A large bowling ball splattered with red paint to look like blood was at her feet. It had been packed with incense, and was smoking. "You might want to put that in the sink," Sarah said. "I think the ball might be melting."

Dani shrugged. "Big deal. Really? Mall terrorizing?"

"After school," Maggie said. "I don't want to miss biology, we're going to talk about genetic engineering."

"Yeah, and I'm joining her class today," Sarah said with a devilish smile.

"How's that?"

"I'll pretend I'm mentally instable and need sisterly support," Sarah said.

"Pretend?"

Sarah paused. "Well...yeah, you're right."

Maggie laughed. They ran back into their bedroom and slammed the door, getting ready for school.

Dani smiled as Téa clambered up to the attic to get ready for school. She made her way downstairs to the kitchen where she found Scully in a chair, bottle feeding Charlie. "Happy Birthday," she said with a smile.

Dani still wasn't used to Scully being nice now that she didn't weigh 178 pounds. "Thanks, Agent," Dani said nonchalantly, grabbing the carton of sour cream out of the refridgerator.

"What are you doing?" Scully asked as Dani pulled out four brown paper lunch bags.

"Oh, it's D-Day," Dani said with a smile. "Meaning that we all have lunch together. I'm just getting our feast ready.

"Good morning," Maggie's voice rang out as she came into the kitchen.

Her shirt was long sleeved. The body was bright green with black designs swirled into it. The sleeves were bright red, orange and yellow flowers all jumbled up. Her jeans were baggy and flared at the bottom so they covered her feet. She wore her "Booty Docs", and her hair, which had been curling lately for some very odd reason, was up in pigtails and cascading down towards her shoulders. She wore a big, crazy grin. "Oh, hey, it's D-Day!" she cried happily as she swooped down to kiss her brother and mother.

Scully looked shocked. "Are you okay?"

"Just being affectionate," Maggie said. "Sarah!"

Sarah came through into the kitchen. She wore a maroon velvet skirt to her ankles, and a long sleeved, black shirt, buttoned up. Her hair was tied back into two braids with yellow ribbons. "I feel like being boring," she explained, as she hid her Queen Amidala Water Pistol behind her back. It wasn't full of water...it was full of Lime-Green Jello. The Lethal kind.

"That's boring?" Scully asked, amazed.

Téa came down in her usual fringe, hick outfit. Today, however, she wore a big cowboy hat too. "Are y'all ready for school?" she asked in a thick, southern accent.

"Yeah...and Dani's driving," Sarah said, handing her the keys. Sarah usually drove.

Dani looked horrified. "No...no way...I think not..."

"Come on Dani, you're sixteen," Maggie said, practically begging. "Besides, Mom doesn't need her car today. She'll be home with the Char-Mander."

Dani hesitated. "Do you want to die today, Sarah?" she asked in a low, creepy voice.

Sarah shrugged. "Whatever floats your..."

"Patootie," Maggie cut in.

They stared at her. "Dude, what are you staring at?" she asked.

After packing lunches, they all started out to the car. Dani swallowed hard as she set phone books down on the drivers seat to prop herself up. They had a small fight over who should sit in the front. Téa was ruled out, because she'd put on country music and make them crash. Sarah was ruled out, because her driving rules weren't very "American" if you know what I mean. So that left Maggie.

Maggie buckled her seatbelt and slipped a tape into the tapedeck. "Boys on the Radio" filled the car.

"Okay," she instructed. "Just don't do anything illegal and I'll be happy."

Dani didn't do anything illegal, except blow four red lights and try to run over small children. She hit a few cars as she parked, but other than that, it was hunky-dory.

And since I have to do homework, that is the story of the morning of January 27. The rest of the day was kind of blah, but the big psycho twins got a cheese cake that night, with thirty two candles. Maggie wouldn't let them have one for good luck.

All the way back to the cheese factory...

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