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I guess you could say that the fourth of July went off with a bang! It was a very quiet and serene holiday for me this year. It was the first time ever that I wasn’t alone on the fourth. The day had begun rather early for me that day, but sobriety ended rather quickly. Everything seemed so calm and dazed and gentle with me. After the night fell upon us we watched the lights explode in the distance, but the sound was mute and the air still. Earlier we had danced around the kitchen, eating and singing. Then Ava Adore came on at the perfect moment and as I danced with him my stomach danced with us. When the night seemed to quiet even more we retreated to the cluttered room in the basement filled with posters of Ozzy, Type O Negative, Cradle of Filth and other such remarkable bands. The light was intense until it was shut off and replaced by the irresistible glow of the warm orange pumpkin smiling at us from the opposite side of the room. I soon grew tired and called the night to a close, but not without an intense completion to the evening. Now things are a tangled web of deceit and fear.

Into his eyes I fall, like the bricks of building, every time I enter his world. I can still taste the flesh upon my lips. The course of his lips meeting mine as we swallow one another into passion and sin. Sin, Sin, Sin, oh how do I love you so! I hate you, you know? You always lead me this way. You give me something wonderful and take it away, but not this time! Oh no, you will stay here for me to keep us flowing, and wanting more, but then you always try resist us when we need more than you to survive! This time it’s my turn to take control. Even though I am continuously falling I still have you in my hands for the moment. So now what to we do about your ex-exploitations? How do we save the heart and soul of the those you crushed before and will now crush again? I want this time to be it. I want it to be the ONE and only final ending, or at least to last more than two months. I am sick of this torture, can’t I just be happy? Can’t I just find that right ONE? I hope, this is it. I hope this is him!