Last night was a strange time for me. For a long time I have wanted to get another tattoo, but I just couldn’t decide what it was going to be of. It has taken me a long time to decide what I was actually going to get imprinted on my body for life; I knew that I wanted one on the back of my calf, and I had thought about getting the first dagger I had ever drawn. This was not the first time I had thought about marking my body with this image; however, it was the first time that I was in the mood for doing so, as well as having spare cash.

It took us a long time for our turn to come up at the Tattoo shop, but when it did, I was extremely excited. It is funny; the thoughts that go through you head while you are laying there on the leather bed, as the artist drills the ink into your flesh; wondering if you were ever going to regret this moment. I laughed at myself saying, “Well, if you are ever going to regret getting this tattoo, then this thought, the one I am thinking right now, is the one that I am going to remember most.”

When all was said and done, I could not believe what I had done. I was glad, and tired, and ready to get trashed. JJ and I spent the night over and Jen’s place. Robbie was the only one who was up. Jen had passed out early on us, which sucked because I was hoping to get the chance to hang out with her more than I did.

The night came to a close when Robbie took Jen to bed, while JJ and I climbed into Jen’s little fold out bed. He began to go over every little thing that bothered him about Craig again. Craig was not even there last night so I don’t know why JJ had brought up his name again. I guess the whole Craig thing still bothers him. He told me last night that the night that he got upset about my hanging out with Craig, he almost ended our relationship. I am still disturbed about this. The thought that he would have so easily discarded me for his thoughts running away with him has made me stumble onto shaky ground about our relationship. Now I am always going to wonder if he is just going to dump me every time he gets any doubts about us in his mind. I cannot live in such a place. The person I need to be with needs to communicate with me so that I know they are upset; They need to let me know when these thoughts are running through their head, not weeks later. I am not the type of person who takes rejection well and then forgives easily. It is not so much that I hold a grudge, but that I shy away from that other person for fear of them shattering my soul again. My love, I love you more than anything, but I cannot live day to day thinking that you are going to get pissed off at me, or thinking that you might think more of a situation than what is really happening, and have you react adversely, only to later tell me you are sorry. I don’t bend that fast my love. The thing is, I know what it is like to be on shaky ground with someone. I have been with you before, and more than once, but I did not let my thoughts tell me I was going to dump you that easily. I was not willing to give up that quickly and easily on you, and I guess what bothers me most is that, right now, I feel like you would. I am sorry for putting you through anything upsetting and painful, but you need to talk to me right away instead of bottling things up inside and letting them eat at you, until it gets the better of you.

I love you…and you are not easily replaced….
just remember that love.
Goodnight and sweet dreams