So I met the new guy yesterday. It was rather strange. Don’t get me wrong; I think he’s a great guy, and his son is sweet as can be. Yet, for it being our first encounter I think it was a lot to handle. I was fine with meeting him, but we stopped at one of his old jobs. There were so many new people to meet that I didn’t know, and it was definitely a strain on the senses. I am not use to meeting so many people at once. I have become somewhat anti-social since Jill and Gina moved. I would hang out with a few friends, but since being with JJ, I sort of pushed everyone away, and only hung out with the Nut Fucker. Any ways, back to my encounter yesterday; everything was fine until we went to the graveyard to take pictures, when all of a sudden a huge wave of fatigue came over me and I became desperately tired. I am not sure if it was because we were at the cemetery, because we had been in the mall with so many people, or what the reason was, but I became incredibly tired and withdrawn. (I have begun to think I may be borderline diabetic since it is hereditary). I think I gave him the impression that I was bored to death or not interested since I had become so silent, but that was not the case. I couldn’t help it, and I felt so bad, but I just had not energy left. I am sure he thinks I am some whacked out psycho chick at this point in time. I am wondering what he thinks of me. He told me he was not frightened of me, but I am not completely convinced of that. He has become rather quite and does not seem that interested in talking to me anymore. Hmm, like that’s a big shocker! Especially since we all know that I am not the greatest looking, or smartest chick around. Oh well! I will let him call, and if he is interested, weather it be for friends or something more, then I will know it’s not because I am making him do something, and that he likes me on his own accord.

I also feel bad for talking about my ex boyfriends with him a lot. It made me laugh when he told me he had read my journal, and was wondering if I was still in love with my ex’s. I am not in love with them, but the memories always haunt me, no matter what I do. It’s strange, and I don’t know why I am doing it, but there are just so many memories that keep flooding back to me lately. I don’t know if it’s because of my recent breakup or what but things are getting weird. The cycles are coming full circle once again. Maybe it’s my fault. Jeff’s voice reminded me of Lance’s, so therefore I began to think about him quite a bit. Now I hear that he wants to be friends again. This freaks me out; I don’t know what to do. Then there is JJ. Of course I am over the Dick Lick and our relationship, but there are so many ties to him that need to be cut, and I am having trouble doing so. A lot of things are out of my hands right now, so I am forced to continually deal with him. Yesterday, about an hour before I left the phone rang. I picked it up and said, ‘hello’, but no one answered. I repeated, ‘hello’, but there was still no answer. I could hear the person holding the phone on the other end, so I just hung up. When I looked at my caller ID it was from JJ’s cell phone. I don’t know if it was him calling, or the girl he’s living with, but this is not the first time his # was on the caller ID. I had been thinking about JJ the night before, just wondering what I did that was so wrong and why I was so disgusting, and then I received that strange call. Then, last night I logged into Yahoo’s Little Gothic to check for new posts, and someone posted that they had attended the SS show with me, and stood right next to me. It turns out it was Doug’s girlfriend. (Doug is JJ’s supposed best friend). She said that she wanted to just say hi to me and see what was up. I found this to be even freakier, since I had no previous acquaintance with her and had just met her at the show. I wonder how she knew it was me who was on the list. Perhaps Doug told her. Either way, the earth continues to move and my world is bending full force into the unknown past. I wonder what web will be woven out of all of this? Awwwww, The Cure is on. I shall drift into the bliss of their sound for now.