damn it, damn it, damn it! I should be sleeping right now, but I’m just not tired. I was ready to go back to bed alllll day long, and now that I CAN go to bed, I can’t sleep. I think it has something to do with missing a certain someone’s warm flesh resting beside me. I read some of the book Rory bought for me, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, by Helen Fielding. I am really enjoying it. It’s the second novel based off the original Bridge Jones Diary, which just so happened to be made into a film with Rene Zelwiger (sp?) I decided to jump online to check and see if Rory had emailed me, but I was saddened by the fact that he hadn’t. Luke decided to message me; this is his first day without Pamela living there; she’s called him twice now; one time she called and begged to go back I guess. We all knew that would happen; the world is a scary place for someone like her; hell the world is a scary place for someone like me! Whatever though! I guess she made some suicide threat to Luke, which we all knew was coming. Doug is another person that messaged me. Actually I wound up talking to him tonight. It’s fucked up but within three days I wound up having two people from my past apologize to me about what happened in the past, as well as explaining why they did what they did. I knew the answer to the reason for their actions all along, but I just let it slide under the table. I have learned that one must sort out their own reason on their own time; if someone tries to suggest the reason then it may never be realized and in the end, you still wind up being the bad guy. Whatever! The past is in the past and all is forgiven this time; if the boundaries are ever broken again, then I know the forgiving ties will be forever busted; there is no return, the floodgate will be beyond repair. Damned Cancer (the astrological symbol) syndrome! Whatever, there are many strange things going on around me, and I’m not sure why. I am beginning to wonder if some unknown force is not testing me? Why, all of a sudden is everything coming at me, just as Rory leaves? What to do, what to do? Tell me, tell me, tell me. I guess to sum things up I will say that I have had some of the most interesting and heart warming conversations that I have had in a while; and of course, emotions are flooding, but I think in a good way. I am to keep in mind the things I have, and the things I left behind, and while the past returns to me in a more positive manner, I am not to give up the present to return to the past. Things will be different in another lifetime I’m sure, but for now, something is indicating the ‘go ahead’ to move forward; I think! We shall see! I’m not sure what I want, where I am going, or what I am doing, but I’m moving forward; always treading along the path of life; finding new twists and turns and forks in the road.

There were so many things to say when I began this but I went off on a tangent again and lost track. Oh well, none of it was really important any ways, is it really ever? Hah, does anyone really even care? When I re-read this journal entry, well any of the entries for that matter, about a year from now, am I going to even care what I wrote or what I was thinking about? Hmm, maybe, just maybe, baby!

I know, I know, I’m being weird; I’m actually feeling tired now.

~~~Goddess of Lost §ouls returns to her §hadow Realm for a lifetime of blissful slumber (I wish)~~~