The Hazey World in Which we

Live

Depression is something I have lived with. I've gotten help, and I'm on the medicine, but there are so many people out there going through what I went through, and no one should have to live the way I lived. If I don't take my medicine, poof! I get down and out, all over again. This page, dedicated to those who feel inadequate, unknowlegable, unpopular, and just plain defeated, is here to help.

*What I thought I knew*

I live in a dark cell,
surrounded by cold brick walls
There is no heat, no light,
only darkness
I cry, but no one seems to hear,
I want to talk but
don't think anyone will listen,
I want to scream out
my fears and pains,
but it is a soundproof room
I reflect on my past,
how lovely it was, yet how
menacing it's future
I see the warning signs, now so clear,
of a life collapsing
beneath itself
see the life I should have lived
see the life I live
I could have talked sooner,
let myself out, opened
myself to my heart
My heart doesn't, CAN'T feel like this,
it's all in
my mind,
all in my mind
But it's so real! So vivid! So true!
This is my life, I have to live with it,
it is one
no one would wish for, I admit it
But it ISN'T my life, this isn't me!
This is a ghost in a ghost in me!
This isn't a dark cold cell of a room
this is a dark tunnel,
and all tunnels eventually end
Where they end, nobody knows,
it could be light
It could be cold
It's my own decision, where I dig my tunnel
I think I'll dig it to the surface
I think I'll dig it to the light
I trudge and I cry and things get
worse before better
But I don't die
I don't die
I live, I live through it all!
Even when it seems the
whole world may fall
And as I take my shovel,
and hit it hard, thinking
of quiting,
thinking of crying.
Again. Again again again
But I'm always crying!
My tears have dried,
no more no more can run from my eyes.
So I do what was so not obvious to me,
the answer it seems, only I couldn't see
I picked up the shovel,
and dug my way past
And there!
A cool breeze, down on my face,
a change in the mood
But it is night outside,
as I stumble on to my abode
But the light will come
Morning is near
I fall asleep, exhausted, un-winded
And when I wake, morning will abide,
it will take away
this deep emptiness inside
I lived in a dark cell,
surrounded by cold brick walls.
There was no heat, no light, only darkness.
I cried, and everyone heard.
It was only me,
only me that couldn't hear myself.
I told my heart and I told my soul.
And now, a quick ending to this long lonely tale;
*I am happy*
Oh, what I thought I knew.

*MY OWN STORY*

I am diagnosed with having major anxiety, minor depression, but not anymore, I'm alright now.

There are so many questions, but there are even more answers. Find the answers. Please? I don't want anyone to go through what I went through, it's just not a good way to live.

I know, you hear all this so many times! But listen, for once, take the advice from someone who's been there! It will only get WORSE, can you imagine it worse? Can you imagine living your life unhappy, the way you might be now? It's not fair to live your life like that, and if you have the power to change your life, through medicine or talking. It can't get any worse then it would be if you did nothing. Right? Its true, you know, I should have taken my own advice years ago, when it wasn't already "worse".

*What is your Story?*

Feel free to email me, I'll listen and help if I can. I want to help, why? Because no one should have to live how I lived, no one should have to feel the way I felt. It's not fair, I don't mean that as in saying "My life's not fair!", I mean it in saying, "What your going through isn't fair, and there are ways of getting through it."

Everybody's story is different, you might say, "but your life isn't anything like my life!" And it's true, everybody's different. But (pero), if you don't have to go through it, and if you don't have to go through it, why do you? Getting to know what you're going to say to someone is hard, but talking is easy. Once you start, it all comes out. It's true, haven't you experienced something like it before? When you started talking on a subject and all your feelings and emotions came out? Sure you have, at some point, even if you can't remember it! Remember, there's people that help. Depression is a chemical imbalance, something REALLY wrong with you, it's not you at all! So don't be embarrassed by it, it REALLY is a illness, one that needs to be taken seriously, not lightly. Like a cold, the flu, pnemonia, any illness (I ridiculed that word!), it only gets worse if you don't treat it. SO TREAT IT ALREADY!!!

*Stress and Anxiety* (Part of what I've got)

Stress and anxiety are part of life. Stress, quite simply, is the way you react-physically and emotionally to change. Anxiety is a involuntary, or reflex, reaction of the body. You probably think of it as that feeling everyone gets at one time or another when they are uneasy or distressed about future events or uncertainties. However, stress can be positive and can help you concentrate and focus, as well as, literally, help you survive. Your physical stress response helps you meet challenging or threatening situations and is a automatic and essential part of life. Positive stress subsides quickly, and your body relaxes.

Most of us have felt anxious at some time. High levels of anxiety can result from too much pressure, in fact, a recent Gallup poll study found that 2.5% of the work force may suffer from excessive anxiety or stress related illness.

When the anxious feeling becomes more like dread, when it negatively affects behavior or performance, continues for a long time, and begins to feed on itself instead of having a clear cause, doctors diagnose it as a true disorder. Persistant stress and anxiety can be associated with long-term medical conditions such as heart disease, emphysema, ulcers, and asthma or a chemical imbalance.

Those with persistent stress and anxiety may notice they often have difficulty getting along with others, are tense a lot of the time or they aren't performing everyday tasks as well as they used to. Unfortunately, many people don't consider going to the doctor until phsysical symptoms arise such as stomachaches (I had these), frequent headaches, heart palpitations, sleeplessness, nausea, overeating or too much drinking and smoking.

If left without treatment symptoms can get worse. Sometimes the persistent stress and anxiety reaches the point where the person finds it nearly impossible to function at all. The important thing is to realize is that persistant anxiety is a disorder-a treatable disorder. *This was taken from the Methodist Psychiatric Pavillion @ www.methodistpsych.com*

There is lots more info here on these type of topics.

Signs and symptoms of severe stress

• Don't or can't relax
• Constant worry
• difficulty sleeping
• muscle tension
• jitters
• physical complaints without apparent medical cause
• high blood pressure
• heavy perspiration

How I felt

• I often wanted to cry for no real reason
• I had trouble sleeping, stomachaches (really huge ones that dr.'s couldn't diagnose, I had MANY tests!)
• I got REALLY nervous over little things
• I got really withdrawn and didn't want to be around people
• I felt constantly sorry for myself