Title: "I Want To Believe" 1/1 
Rating: PG (one little word) 
Spoilers: Paper Hearts        
Summary: Scully's Thoughts after "Paper Hearts." 
FeedBack: Please!!! I'd love to hear if you like it! D
Disclaimer: The X-Files, Mulder, Scully and Roche belong to CC, Gillian Anderson, 
                  David Duchovny (who give their characters life) and The Fox Network. 

"I Want To Believe" 

I don't know how much more Mulder can take. This case, it almost killed him. 
From the beginning of the case to the end, he slowly fell apart. Day by day, minute 
by minute, his heart shattered, and I could do nothing to help him. It's killing me        
too. 

Having to stand by, watching Mulder torture himself, I don't know how much 
longer *I* can stand. If this type of case ever comes across our desk again, I don't know 
what will happen. It could be the end of him, and that would be the end of me too. 
Every day that the case dragged on, the look in his eyes, it got more and more hollow, 
more empty. 

Damn John Roche! He played with Mulder's mind, knowing exactly what would happen. 
He deserved that bullet in his head. He deserved that a thousand times over. He screwed        
Mulder's mind, and his heart, but Mulder couldn't realize it until it was too late. He was 
too blinded by his own pain. 

Mulder's pain has become mine too. We've become two parts of a whole. More than 
partners, more than friends, even more than lovers. We support each other. Without him, 
I couldn't be me, and without me, Mulder couldn't be Mulder. We love each other, it's a true 
love, a real love, that goes beyond our bodies. 

Why, Why does Mulder always have to be the one to suffer? To hope, to want to find his sister, 
then to find her body, then discover it's not really her. I can't begin to imagine the hurt he 
experienced. I'm sure it was a hundred times the hurt I felt. His eyes tell me so. 

The poster on his wall says "I Want To Believe." He wants to believe that Samantha is alive. 
So do I, but I also want to believe that he has the strength to go on, to continue to believe.  If 
he doesn't then nothing can help us. Then, it will all be over. 

*The End*