11/17/00
Dear
Diary,
Last night I cried myself to sleep
for no god damn reason. Too many
reasons. Why can't my life be as
simple and sweet as other peoples?
Why can't god just make me into the
daughter my parents want? I can't
make myself! I am what you made me
god! I can't change it no matter how
much I try! My mom makes me feel guilty
for every smile I make around her.
If I do smile or laugh, she'll say:
"Do you have the right to do that?"
And if I'm always sad around her
she'll yell:
"What the hell is the matter this time?"
Well what the hell do you want me to do?
I can't smile, I can't frown. God
didn't make any other face expressions.
You guys, I don't think about sex 27/7.
You want to know the real me? My life
is dark. Sure I'm nasty and not serious
in school. But if I don't act like that,
all I'll end up doing is crying.
I don't want to shed tears in front
of you guys. That'll kill your mood
unless you just don't give a damn.
Enough me blabbing.
