For three weeks or more Nick had awoken in the middle of the night in a cold sweat his sleep wracked with visions of his brother Heath being whipped and then if that wasn't horrible enough dragged to that miserable iron box. And him usually so strong powerless to do anything.
And for the same three weeks Heath also woke up in a sweat- from added body heat as Nick stole into his room and slipped into the bed beside him wrapping his arms around him with an overwhelming need to protect.
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"We must be sure to invite Colonel Munsen." Michelle and Jarrod were discussing plans for Audra's birthday party over a leisurely breakfast.
"Naturally," Jarrod commented through a mouthful of eggs then looked up to see Heath enter the dining-room. "Good morning, brother Heath."
Heath gave no response. He merely poured himself a cup of coffee and took a seat.
Setting his fork aside Jarrod said, "Good morning to you too, Jarrod."
Heath did not react to the teasing sarcasm. He just stared straight ahead and sipped his coffee. Jarrod looked to Michelle and shrugged.
Michelle finally turned to take a better look at her blonde cousin. "Heath, you look like something the cat dragged in and the dog didn't want." When he still failed to rise to the bait she said, "Are you feeling alright?"
Heath blinked. "Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine I guess." He did not sound convincing. "I'm just tired."
Jarrod furrowed his brow. "Aren't you sleeping well?"
Heath grew pensive. He did not want to divulge what had been happening but suddenly felt too weary to censor himself. "It's kinda hard to sleep well when you have a hundred and eighty pound grizzly bear huggin' you all night."
Confused Jarrod glanced to Michelle, "A hundred and eighty pound griz...."
"Nick," the two said together and turned to Heath. Heath nodded slowly. "Nick." He toyed with the cup handle as though toying with the idea of telling Jarrod and Michelle everything.
Jarrod spoke first. "Is there something wrong with Nick?" There was a pause. "Heath, you have to tell us. If there's something wrong with Nick we have a right to know." He looked to Michelle. "So much for me just 'knowing' my brother needs me."
Heath sighed out of concession... and exhaustion. "I'm not sure he'd like me tellin' you but... He's been having nightmares. At least I'm pretty sure of it. It started sometime after we got back from... Well, you know. I can hear him tossing and turning pretty bad and then he comes into my room and slips into bed with me and clings for dear life." His eyes went from Jarrod to Michelle then to the table. "Don't get me wrong. I don't mind a little brotherly cuddling but this is getting ridiculous. If only for the fact that I'm not getting any rest."
Jarrod's expression matched his cousin's. Neither Heath nor Nick had really talked about their ordeal. Only that it had happened. And, thank God, it was over.
"Heath, how have you been since..." Michelle gestured to finish the question.
Heath sipped his coffee again. "You know, I've had so much happen to me like in Carterson and there I guess I've just learned to go on." He gave his cousin a small smile. "I promise if I ever feel troubled I'll talk to you about it. Right now I think I'm too tired to feel affected." He smiled again for her benefit. "I'm going to try to go back to bed." He took a final swig of coffee before rising and exiting the room.
"Well, now what?" Jarrod addressed his cousin.
Michelle inhaled deeply and for something to do took Jarrod's coffee cup and went to refill it. "Nick has always kept things bottled up inside." She turned to find Jarrod had joined her.
Taking the cup from her Jarrod said, "Are you kidding? Nick?"
"Not like that," she told him. "See Nick is vocal and demonstrative in the broader spectrum. 'I love you' is easy. 'I'm going to knock your head off ' is easy."
Jarrod chuckled at this.
Michelle continued, "Giving a kiss is easy and punching someone in the nose is easy. But this... well, it goes deeper. He's keeping it inside. So it's manifesting itself..."
"Through dreams," Jarrod finished for her. "But what exactly is 'it'?"
"Based on what Heath said and knowing Nick, I'd say he's feeling guilty that he couldn't do more to protect Heath while they were in that prison. Just like you. You felt responsible for Heath being in the box because you went in there shooting off your mouth about being a lawyer...."
Jarrod set his cup on the buffet. "Yes, but I didn't crawl into bed with him and keep him awake all night."
Michelle folded her arms. "Agreed. But you kept me up all night talking about it."
Jarrod looked wounded. "I thought you didn't mind."
Michelle rolled her eyes. "I didn't. The point is you were able to talk about. Nick isn't."
Jarrod folded his arms in imitation of his cousin. "Well, I suppose somebody is going to have to go up and drag it out of him."
"Yes, someone should."
Jarrod's eyes twinkled. "I was thinking of you."
"Me?"
"Well, this sort of thing is right up your alley, you know. I mean you were the therapist in Europe."
Michelle took Jarrod's arm and steered him to the door saying, "And I was thinking that this is one time he truly needs his big brother."
Jarrod stopped their movement. He gazed at her reflectively. "You know, when I was younger I used to love it when Aunt Rosalie would visit... because you always came too."
Michelle squeezed his arm. "I always thought you hated having me around because you were used to being the oldest... and I was so bossy."
Jarrod laughed once. "Yes. Yes, you were. You still are," he added affectionately. "But truth is sometimes being the oldest isn't all it's cracked up to be."
"Okay, we'll both go."
Jarrod kissed the top of her head before they exited the room together.
With clenched teeth Nick stood in front of his bureau buttoning his shirt. He thought once he'd joined Heath in his room he'd gotten enough sleep to get through the day. And he'd make the day last as long as possible as he'd been doing for weeks. Anything was better than going to sleep and facing Heath's torture all over again.
A knock to his door and Jarrod calling his name brought him from his thoughts. "Yeah," Nick answered gruffly. "Come on in."
Jarrod and Michelle entered the room. "We wanted to talk to you a minute," Michelle told him.
"Well, just as long as it's only a minute," Nick sneered. "I have a ranch to run." Nick hadn't really meant to speak to her like that and she knew it.
"As long as it takes, brother," Jarrod put in.
Nick scowled. "As long as what takes?"
Jarrod looked to Michelle as if to ask,"You or me?"
Michelle's replied by stating the intent. "We know you've been having nightmares." There was a pause. "And we know you've been sleeping in with Heath..."
"Did Heath tell you?" Nick spoke over her words.
Jarrod answered. "Yes. But he didn't want to."
"Then there's nothing to talk about is there?" Nick attempted to push past his family but Jarrod grabbed his arm. "Let go." When Jarrod did not comply he added, "So help me I'll hit you."
Not taking it too seriously Jarrod turned to Michelle. "I'm going to knock your head off is easy," amused he repeated her words back.
"Jarrod," Nick warned again. "I love you, but if you don't let go..."
"I love you is easy," Jarrod told Michelle.
Nick's anger turned to puzzlement. "What in the name of sweet mother are you talking about?"
"Me this time?" Jarrod queried.
Michelle nodded.
"Nick, we need to talk about what's bothering you," Jarrod began.
"Right now the only thing bothering me is you two," Nick stated, his anger resurfacing.
"And the fact that you couldn't do more to prevent Heath from being harmed." Michelle felt forced to try the confrontational approach, since Nick was apparently not going to broach the subject.
Nick jerked his head toward her, fire burning in his eyes. "What kind of a remark is that? Are you saying I can't take care of my own brother?"
"I'm not saying that at all," Michelle said calmly.
Nick wrenched himself from Jarrod's grasp. "It's true isn't it? Well, isn't it?" he said a little louder.
Jarrod laid a hand on Nick's shoulder. "There was nothing you could have done. It's no different than me thinking I was to blame for spouting off about being a lawyer or not getting back there fast enough."
Nick jerked his shoulder from under Jarrod's hand. He moved to the window and stared out as he had stared out at that miserable sweat box.
Jarrod neared him. "Nick, talk to me." Jarrod's voice was almost pleading.
Nick turned abruptly. "Look, brother, there's nothing to talk about. You can't get me to sit in your lap, tell you all my troubles and then have just the right words to make it all better like you do with Eugene." His toned softened. "It's just not going to help here."
"And keeping Heath awake all night in a strangle hold is?"
A lump formed in Nick's throat and he swallowed hard. "You don't understand," he said as a lone tear escaped his eye.
Jarrod moved closer, caressing Nick's face, gently brushing the salty drop away with this thumb. "Help me understand. Nick, talk to me," Jarrod implored, his eyes conveying all the love and affection he had in his heart.
Unbidden Nick began to sob. In one swift motion Jarrod guided him to the edge of the bed, seated himself and for a second considered pulling Nick into his lap. But Nick was bigger. Wouldn't work. So he eased Nick down beside him. Wrapping his arms around Nick he rocked him slightly, whispering a litany of soothing nonsense into his ear. Michelle moved to the bed and knelt on the floor in front of them.
For the longest time Jarrod just held his brother and allowed him to cry out his hurt, offering the comfort of his embrace, pressing kisses to his temple.
Finally the tears subsided enough for Nick to speak, although shakily. "They... hurt him. They hurt him and I couldn't do a damn thing. Just stand there and watch." He lifted his head from Jarrod's shoulder. "I swear I felt every lash of that whip right along with him." The brothers were now looking each other in the eye. And Jarrod maintained a steady caress on Nick's arm.
"When they took him to that box. I thought I would die. But you..." He managed a smile. "My big brother, you were coming with help. I knew you'd make it okay." He brushed a soft kiss against Jarrod's cheek. "I remember staring through the bars at that G-d forsaken box and willing Heath to hang on." Now he stroked the side of Jarrod's head. "And true to your word, you came. Me, I couldn't do anything but watch. I felt so helpless."
At Nick's words Michelle thought to herself of all those nights listening to Jarrod cry out his frustration at not having arrived in time to prevent Heath's experience in the box. And that if he'd kept his big mouth shut it might not have happened in the first place.
Michelle was brought back to the present by Nick saying, "Imagine what he must think."
"I can't say what I think but I'll tell you what I know." All three were startled by Heath entering the room. Still as groggy as earlier he approached the bed and stooped beside Michelle.
Nick shied from him slightly. But Heath reached up cupping Nick's chin forcing him to face him. "I know you were there for me after I was let out of that box. You were there every step of my recovery, lending me your strength... giving me your love." The corner of Heath's mouth rose in a crooked grin. "You seem to think you let me down somehow. Nothing could be further from the truth. Got that?"
Nick nodded almost imperceptibly as Jarrod rose from the bed and Heath took his place. "We okay here?"
Nick nodded again.
Heath ran a hand over Nick's hair. "Good." He kissed Nick's cheek.
Nick contemplated his younger brother for a moment. "Lips?" he asked in a voice soft and hoarse from crying. Jarrod had often kissed Nick on the lips. The view that it was as intimate as two brothers could be. It was mutuality. Something they were sharing. Nick had done so to Heath once but Heath had not been totally comfortable with it.
Heath looked to Michelle who replied by rising from the floor and joining Jarrod. This was a call Heath had to make on his own.
"You're no help," he teased quietly. He then returned his gaze to Nick.
"It's okay," Nick told him. "I know you don't..."
"You're right," Heath interrupted. "It is okay." Hesitantly he brought his lips to Nick's giving a gentle kiss surprised to feel Nick kiss him in return.
Jarrod slipped his arm around Michelle. "Think he'll be alright?"
"With brothers like you, I know he will."
The End