It had come as no surprise to her or their respective families. They had been courting for some time and it seemed the natural progression of things. Adam continued to be a mainstay at the Barkley home and Michelle was a common sight at the Ponderosa. But no date had been set nor did any wedding preparations seem to be underway.
Jarrod Barkley leaned back in his chair and tossed the pen he was holding to the desk. His left hand went to rub at his tired eyes. Sometimes being a lawyer wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The research often seemed endless. His nerves were so knotted he totally missed his cousin's approach.
Michelle hesitated before speaking, not wanting to disturb Jarrod but it had taken her some self convincing to decide to talk to someone. "Jarrod," she said tentatively.
Jarrod turned weary blues eyes to her and managed a weak smile. "Michelle, you are a sight for sore eyes." And he meant it literally. Then he noticed that she looked more uptight than he felt. "Hey," he said gently while reaching to touch her arm lightly. "What is it?"
"I didn't want to bother you."
"You are never a bother." His hand trailed down her arm and clutched tenderly at her hand. "Come here." He gave a slight tug easing her to his lap. When she was settled he stroked her back once with his other hand. "I've had the feeling that something's been on your mind for a while. Why don't you tell your favorite cousin all about it." He paused a moment then added, "And no jokes about having to go look for Nick."
Michelle laughed slightly at the comment, but still said nothing.
Jarrod coaxed her head to his shoulder, letting her know that he was not going to push. She could begin when she was ready.
She rested there for a few minutes, then letting out a deep, shuddering sigh she raised her head from it's place of comfort. "I don't want get married," she blurted. There she said it.
Jarrod gave her a look of concern. "I thought you loved Adam."
"I do. Very much." Her left hand found one of Jarrod's shirt buttons. "I just don't want to get married." Suddenly, that button was quite fascinating. "I've thought and thought about it. I've spent nights going over it in my head. I'm too comfortable with my life the way it is." Her hand left the button and clenched. "Does this make any sense?"
Had it been anyone else Jarrod would have stated emphatically that it made no sense, that she was just getting pre-marriage jitters, that she and Adam loved each other etc... But this was Michelle. She was now thirty-eight years old. She had lived her whole life strong and independent, able to move about the world at will hindered only by her imagination. In fact, he could not recall ever having seen his older cousin this vulnerable. She was usually the one to help the rest of the family with whatever was troubling them. Not really knowing what to say he simply kissed her temple.
"I think it makes sense. At least for me," she continued. "I mean I know I accepted his proposal. I think because I am supposed to want to get married. That's what girls are told from day one anyway. Find a nice man. Get married etc.. etc..." She paused to inhale deeply. "But truly, as much as I love Adam I can't see myself married. It's not me."
"And you were going to tell Adam this when?" Jarrod questioned her.
"As soon as I was certain I wasn't just getting cold feet."
"And you're sure of that now?"
"Definitely." She paused again. "And don't worry. I have no intention of putting it off. I'm heading to Virginia City tomorrow."
Jarrod rubbed her back. "Oh, I know you better than to think you'd delay with something so important, even something so difficult."
"That's nothing," Michelle mused. "What's going to be difficult is telling Mother and Aunt Victoria."
Jarrod laughed once. His cousin seemed to be returning to her old spirits. "How about if you had some moral support along for the trip?"
"I'd like that."
"You know what I'd like?" Jarrod addressed her quite seriously.
"What?"
Jarrod responded by pushing his lips out slightly.
Michelle rolled her eyes but shared the quick gesture with her cousin.
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"I've sensed something has been on your mind," Adam Cartwright said when Michelle arrived at the Ponderosa stating firmly that they needed to talk. He led her to the settee and the rest of the family escorted Jarrod to the kitchen. Jarrod would fill Adam's father and brothers in on the turn of events.
"Oh, Adam, this is not easy for me to say," Michelle began.
Adam took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You don't want to get married, do you?"
"But?"
Adam's tone was gentle. "Let's just say I know you. And I know how a woman usually reacts after accepting a proposal of marriage. I think the fact that you won't set a date or make a single plan sums it up pretty well."
"Are you mad at me? I mean here I accept and..."
Adam looked her in the eye. "I could never and I do mean never be mad at you for being exactly what I fell in love with in the first place."
Not knowing what else to say or do, Michelle slipped the engagement ring from her finger and handed it to Adam. "Here, I should give this back."
Adam merely shook his head. "Keep it."
"Adam, I can't. This ring was given in the contemplation of marriage and..."
"I'm still contemplating marrying you," Adam finished. He replaced the ring on her hand. "When you're sixty or seventy-years-old you may decide that you want to get married. And I expect you to marry me." He flashed her one of his toothiest grins. "You didn't think you were going to get rid of me that easy did you? This may be the longest courtship in history but, oh, well." He made a move to kiss her but was interrupted by the return of the family from the other room.
"Son, Jarrod just told us." Ben's voice was sympathetic. Then he stopped suddenly at the reaction of Adam and Michelle to their untimely entrance.
"Pa, I think we came in at a bad time," Joe joked.
Ben's forehead creased. "Adam, I'm confused. Michelle did tell you... something."
Adam looked to his family. "Yeah, Pa, we're not getting married... at least not right away." The glimmer of hope still shone in his eyes. "We'll all still be seeing plenty of her," he assured for good measure.
Ben placed a comforting hand on his son's shoulder. "Are you really okay with all of this?"
Adam looked to Michelle rather than his father. "I guess I have to be."
Hoss, who had been silent finally spoke. "Well, I'm not sure I understand this whole thing. But as long as you two have it figured I ain't gonna give myself a headache over it."
Any further comment was delayed by Hop Sing. "Mistah Barkley, Miss Kaufman stay for supper."
Ben laughed. "Yes. Mistah Barkley and Miss Kaufman stay for supper."
"Then come to table now," Hop Sing told them. "Or I quit!" He scurried off to the kitchen.
"You heard the man," Ben told his guests.
"Yeah, we wouldn't want him to quit again," Joe quipped as he led the way to the table followed closely by Hoss, then Jarrod and Ben.
Michelle and Adam rose but Adam took hold of her arm and steered her to the door. "We'll be a minute," he informed the families.
Michelle was puzzled but complied as Adam guided her out the door closing it behind them.
Still holding fast to her arm he said, "Now where were we?" Free from on lookers he pressed his lips carefully to hers in a tender but intense kiss.
Michelle returned the kiss with the same intensity. She knew Adam was disappointed by her revelation. At the same time she realized it had not surprised him. Adam Cartwright really knew her. And if anything here was proof positive that he loved her, unconditionally for who she was.
THE END