I Don't Deserve You

Nick ran hard. If his father caught him he would surely skin him alive. He ran until he came to his hideout. He called it his hideout ,anyway. It was a small cave he'd discovered a few years before. Nobody else knew about it. Well, nobody except Jarrod who had been given the task of looking for him one day when he disappeared. He tracked his younger brother to that cave and later swore on their bond that he would never tell anyone about Nick's secret hideout.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Broken glass lay on the billiard room floor and the patio outside. A red and white billiard ball sat in the debris outside. The cue stick lay on the glass sprinkled carpet. The scene was being inspected by Tom, Victoria, and Jarrod. "I'm going to have to have a long talk with that boy", Tom's voice was calm, even considering what was before him.

But he's been gone for hours", Victoria informed her husband.

Jarrod looked thoughtful. "I may know where he is".

"Where son?" Tom asked.

"I can't tell you" Jarrod said, remembering an oath he took. "But I'll bring him back". He thumped his father on the arm and headed out.

Nick sat with his knees up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his legs. The sun was setting, and the cave was growing colder. But he could never go home...never...ever!

"Nick, are you in there?", the familiar voice rang through the cave.

Nick saw the shadow of a lantern appear, held by the shadow of...

"Jarrod!" he cried when he saw his brother.

"Nick", Jarrod knelt and hugged him, "you've got everybody worried."

Nick pulled away. "Did they come with you?"

"No way. It's still a secret"

"I did something terrible", Nick confessed.

"We did think that after seeing the broken glass. How did you manage that?"

"Trying to play a new game. You hit the ball with the stick, but the window got in the way. Otherwise I would have hit that ball far."

"Why'd you run off?"

"Cause Father's going to punish me bad"

"Don't you deserve it?" Jarrod joked.

"Maybe"

"Then let's go home."

"I don't want to."

"Come on. It won't be so bad. Besides, I'd miss tucking you in tonight."

Nick hesitated.

"I'll tell you what," Jarrod offered, "I'll tell Father whatever punishment he wants to give you, he should give me instead. Okay?" Jarrod was far more concerned with getting Nick home safely.

"You'd do that?"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

"No matter what it is?"

Jarrod chuckled. Their Father could be quite creative in the discipline department. "No matter what it is," he told Nick. Now do we go home?"

"You promise, right?"

Jarrod raised his right hand. "I promise."

"You won't go back on it?"

"Hey, I didn't tell anyone about this place, did I?"

Nick mulled it over for a second. "Okay," he agreed. "But you have to go in and talk to Father first."

Jarrod nodded. He rose, took Nick by the hand and helped him up. Then he draped an arm around his shoulder and walked with him out of the cave.

"What!" Tom Barkley couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Jarrod, you've come up with some..."

"It was the only way I could get him to come home," Jarrod interrupted. "That was my main concern at the time."

"You're still willing to go through with it?"

"I promised him."

"You know, all I was going to do was make him work extra to pay it off. Now I have to do something he can see."

"Do it then."

Tom fingered his belt buckle. "I haven't used this on you in years, One thing for sure I'm going to make him sorry he wanted it this way."

"I'll get him." Jarrod stepped outside and returned with a very sheepish looking Nick.

"I'll tell you right know," Tom told Nick. "I don't like this one bit but I'm not going to cause your brother to break his word. However, I insist you watch." He slid his belt through the loops and held it doubled in his right hand. "You ready?" he asked Jarrod.

"Yeah."

Tom took Jarrod by the arm to brace him. He looked to Nick before he brought the belt down across Jarrod's backside, hard. Jarrod flinched. The belt came down again. Tom was hoping Nick would put a stop to it. But he just stood there silent and expressionless. The belt landed a third, then fourth time. Hopefully, Nick would be feeling a little guilty by now. Five, six and with any luck the sting of the belt would remind Jarrod not to promise such things. Seven, eight, Jarrod was beginning to wonder to himself if this was such a good idea. Nine, ten, no it was okay. It hurt. But not as much as if something had happened to Nick out there alone. It was fine with him. Tom returned his belt to his waist. Jarrod turned to Nick. Nick looked up at his brother. Jarrod's eyes held so much love. Nick burst into tears and fled up the stairs. Moments later his bedroom door slammed.

"Nick still not speaking to you?" Tom asked Jarrod the next night.

"Not a word. He won't even come near me."

"I don't like that. After what you did. But you know what? I'm really glad you love your brother that much."

Nick's avoidance continued through the next day. For the second night Nick headed off for bed without seeking Jarrod to tuck him in.

Jarrod couldn't take it anymore. Two days of Nick's silence was more than he could tolerate. He walked right into Nick's bedroom without knocking.

Nick was sitting up in bed, the lamp and the night table still lit. He backed up in the bed as if he wanted to bolt. But Jarrod said, "Don't you move. I want a word with you."

He approached the bed and sat beside Nick, who looked at him like his space was being violated. "I think this silent treatment has gone on long enough," he told his brother calmly. "I kept my promise to you. The least you can do is talk to me."

Nick crumbled into tears. "The reason I didn't talk to you is because...because I was ashamed." He stopped to sniff. "I was so ashamed I couldn't face you."

"Ashamed?"

"I could have told Father to stop whipping you, that I was prepared to take my own punishment. But I didn't, I just stood there watching. He whipped you extra hard so I'd feel bad." He paused to cry a little harder. "And it worked."

Jarrod tried to put his arm around him, but Nick pulled away. "I know you kept your promise to me. I also know that I have the greatest brother in the world. And you learned I don't deserve you."

"Hey now," Jarrod's voice was firm yet gentle, "don't put words in my mouth...or feelings in my heart. I didn't do anything I didn't want to, or wouldn't do again."

"Jarrod?"

"What?"

"I'll never make you do anything like that again...ever! I'll always own up to whatever I do, and take whatever's coming to me."

Jarrod stroked Nick's hair. "That little brother makes you a man."

Nick beamed. "I love you Jarrod."

"I love you too."

Nick wrapped his arms around Jarrod's waist and snuggled against him. Jarrod kissed the top of Nick's head. "Goodnight, brother." He let Nick hold him all night, which was fine with him.

Oh' and by the way, that's also how baseball came to the San Joaquin Valley.

THE END

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