Niisama?

Why do you look so upset?

Oh... I understand... you must think I’m hurting. It did at first, for a second, but it doesn’t now. Am I going to die? Please don’t look so sad...

I want to see you smile. Do you remember when we fooled okaa-san and otou-san that day? When we switched clothes? We were close enough to the same height and you slouched. It was fun being Ryuuen for a day. No one noticed except Rokou niisama, and we both knew he’d never tell.

It really doesn’t hurt at all, niisama. I’ll be fine. I can play with you again soon, so don’t worry.

Did you like pretending to be me? I think you looked better in my clothes than I do, which is very unfair. But if I say that to you, you’ll tickle me, which will be even more unfair. And you even have a beauty mark on your face. Maybe I’ll get one when I’m older. I hope so. I want to be like you, niisama.

I’m a little scared. I can’t move my body at all. But you look terribly frightened. I wish I could hug you and tell you it was going to be all right, but I can’t... But you look so scared, niisama... Don’t worry; I’ll be all right.

Rokou niisama will scold me for not looking where I was going. I’ll be in a lot of trouble for ripping my dress. Okaa-san isn’t going to be happy with me. I’m always the one in trouble. They tell me to be more like you. I wish I could be. You’re so strong and brave and sweet and kind, a much better child than me. I always come home with my dress torn or my hair messy, but you always look so good. Maybe you should have been born the girl, hm, niisama? I’m sure if I told you that, you’d laugh and tell me I’m better at it. I’m so glad you’re a nice brother, not like Yuukyo’s brother.

I can hear you saying my name. It sounds long, like you’re saying it slowly to tease me. But you don’t look like you’re teasing. You look shocked. There’s something red by your feet. It looks like you spilled wine, but otou-san won’t let you drink wine yet. I wonder what it is... No, it’s too red to be wine...

Oh! I think it’s blood! Niisama, are you hurt? Please don’t be hurt! I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you!

Oh. I... I think that’s my blood. Maybe that’s why you look so scared. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to frighten you. But I’ll be fine, you know I will. Remember that time I cut my leg on the day when we went to get the berries for okaa-san? I got blood all over my dress, but you bandaged my leg and lent me your jacket to hide the blood, but I got some on your jacket. We hid my dress when we got home, but it was your only jacket, and okaa-san found out. You just stood there as she yelled at you and I was crying in the back because I was too much of a coward to tell her I had done it. You were punished and you said nothing the entire time. I felt so little and afraid, but afterwards, you came back and gave me a hug and held me while I cried. She never found out about the dress. Because of you, niisama. It was so little, yet you did it for me. Rokou niisama wouldn’t have. But you did.

I can hear you call my name again. Loudly this time, like you think I can’t hear you. But I’m here. I’m here. I’ll never leave you, niisama, I promise, not even when I get married will I go far away. Just give me a moment and I’ll get up.

No, no! Don’t cry! I’ll get up, just wait a moment, niisama... I’m coming... I’m coming...

I’ll always come when you need me. Like when I need your help you’re always there. I know that the “yanagi” on your chest means that there will be someone else that you will have to be with. She had better be nice to you, or I’ll be angry. I’m so glad you were chosen by Suzaku, niisama. You have such a pure heart that I’m not surprised you were. I’m glad your destiny is so different from everyone else’s, because you are so different... better. I’m so proud to be your sister. I hope you’ll let me meet Suzaku no Miko when she comes. That would be so exciting. Maybe you’ll fall in love with her! Maybe... maybe... there are so many hopes and possibilities for your future, niisama. Promise me you won’t forget me when you’re famous? Because I love you and I want to see you happy. Promise?

Oh... it’s turning dark... Niisama? Where are you? I... I...
 
 

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