I wish I could thank you, but the best I can do is stand here and pray for you.

I knew you a little, a while ago, when we were in the harem together, and several people remarked on how similar we looked. I remember you always looked sad when someone said that, as if it brought back memories that you didn't want to see. I always wondered why. I felt very flattered; after all, you were very beautiful. You intrigued me. Many people didn't like you because you could be cold and aloof, as if you never wanted anyone to be close. But you were always so kind to me. Did I remind you of someone? I know that sorrow in your eyes had a past.

The emperor speaks of you occasionally. I think you would be pleased to know that. It's always with great respect in his voice, almost reverence. I sometimes wonder if he actually loved you back with the way he talks about you.

I know why you loved him. I think we could have gotten along well, you and I. His gentleness, his kindness, just the way he smiles… everything about him. He truly is a great man, in his personal life as well as in his private life. I love him so much. I can feel inside me our child. I hope it is a boy, for his sake. I want him to look at me with that pride shining in his eyes. He looked at Suzaku no Miko like that. I know I shouldn't be jealous, but I can't help feeling just a little bit sad.

I know he loves her, even now, though he married me. And I know that he must have cared deeply about you as well, which is I think why he married me. I wonder if I'll ever be able to be loved by him. He doesn't give his heart easily. But I want to see him smile like that at me.

The day you died is the day I met him personally the first time. I didn't know who it was at first. I was just walking around the palace, around dusk, as I usually do, without my maids. I felt a touch on my shoulder and there was a man there, looking at me in surprise, wonder, and sadness. His face was slightly damp; I could see the shimmer of tears in the flickering, dying light. He kept staring at me and I began to feel uncomfortable, so I ventured to speak, just a little, "sir?" and then waited.

The man's eyes filled with tears again and he embraced me tightly, saying your name gently into my ear. He then pulled away, suddenly, seeming surprised again, but for a different reason this time.

I think it would have made you smile to know how much he missed you. It seems to me that he relied very much on you when you were together, for guidance, for comfort, for sanity. He always says that you helped him greatly through everything, even when he would only talk about Miaka to you. It must have hurt so much. But he never said anything to make me think that you ever showed him that pain. He is always a little blind to people, even now. But despite that, you loved him, and so do I.

I think why he pulled away is because he noticed I am female. He knew I wasn't you. I could see the disappointment and hurt in his eyes as he tried to apologize, but I began to talk to him and he to me. And I tried to comfort him as best as I could. I learned that he had felt something was wrong with you and feared that it was something… irreversible. I wasn't sure how he knew who you were, but he was obviously upset and I knew I had to help. He talked about you late into the night and I listened. Occasionally, he called me your name but then quickly apologized again. After a couple of his stumbles, I introduced myself as Houki and he just nodded.

He was so beautiful that night. Long, flowing brown hair past his shoulders, sometimes obscuring his face, dark hazel eyes shining with kindness and tears, gentle, quick hands moving in the air as he spoke. I watched him for a while, listening to his soft voice, and very soon felt like I wanted to hold only him, to comfort him, to wipe away his tears.

It had almost started to grow light in the distance when I finally had him laughing and smiling a bit. He then remembered he had not introduced himself. He said he was sorry and that his name was Seishuku Saihitei.

That was when I realized I had been comforting the emperor all night… and that I had fallen in love with him.

Nuriko-san, you brought us together. Thank you so much. I owe you all my happiness. I wish so much there was something I could do for you in return. You will always have a place in my heart and I will make sure that your family is well cared for, by decree of the empress. I swear it.

And if we have a daughter, not a son, perhaps he'll let me name her Kourin…

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