"All right, this is only going to be a short parody," said the All-Powerful SHE©, glancing around at the distraught company that stood about her. "And we kind of have to hurry, since this was supposed to be done yesterday."

"Why is it going to be short?" piped up a voice from a little boy standing near the front.

SHE looked down at him. "Because I said so. And I'm not that funny anyway."

He gave her a little smile that was completely puzzled. "Oh."

A young man with flaming red hair, dressed in a loose brown shirt and dark pants put his hands on his hips, grinning. "Well, at least I'm not a woman in this one." He suddenly glared at HER. "That wasn't fun, you know."

SHE smirked. "Yes, it was."

The girl beside him laughed. "I didn't mind it all no da."

He glared. "Well, at least I'm not in some damn fuku now, am I?"

Before the girl could respond, SHE cut them both off. "All right!! Let's go!!"

Grumbling, the cast members made their way to their respective places.

SHE flipped through the script. "Begin voice-over."

There was a moment of silence, and what began was

"Was that a dream no da?" came the soft voice of the young girl. "Or was it a vision no da?"

Faint lights flashed around her, illuminating her kneeling in a praying position.

Tarot cards, suspended in midair, drifted by her.

"That's right... everything happened on the day I asked the tarot cards where my love life was headed no da..."

There was a rapid scene change and suddenly she was running, in a sweatsuit, toward a large arena. "I'm late no da!"

"Chitomiiiii!!" she heard a voice calling. "Hurry up!"

She finally reached the arena, sweating and panting, only to be stripped by her friend and the track team's manager, Uchida Miakari. She squealed. "Careful no da!"

Miakari laughed. "You're favorite person is running next."

With a little blush on her cheeks, she turned to see her crush standing at the starting line. "Nakano Susumu no da..." she whispered. "Nakano-sempai..."

They both watched as the tall, blond upperclassman proceeded to completely cream the rest of the boys running with him.

"That's because he's a Seiryuu seishi," Miakari whispered indignantly.

Chitomi ignored her and focused her attention solely on him.

There was a loud snicker from backstage.

Chitomi's near-trance-like state was broken and she glared at the culprit. "Oh, shut up no da."

The laughter increased slightly. "Shit, Chichiri, I didn't know you were gay too! I mean, one gay boy among the Suzaku sei is bad enough, but-"

There was a loud whomping sound, somewhat like that of a person being thrown into a wall.

"Thank you no da, Nurillerna Hime," said Chitomi gracefully, and turned back to watching her beloved Nakano.

"Anytime," said a rather satisfied-sounding female voice.

Time passes...

Because he had been thrown into a wall and was somewhat unconscious, the boy that Chitomi was supposed to have seen was not there...

SHE cleared her throat. "Moving along..."

Nakano smiled at her sinisterly. "Of course I'll be your first kiss if you run under thirteen seconds." He rubbed his hands together.

Chitomi suddenly looked nervous. "Uhh... thank you no da." Giving him a worried glance, she went to the starting line and prepared herself.

"Ready... Go!" he shouted, and she burst off.

And ran into a loud, foul-mouthed, red-headed, ex-bandit-turned-prince-of-Farnelia.

"SHIT!" he yelled as she barreled into him. "Watch where you're going, you damn girl!!"

She blinked at him a moment.

"Kanzaki!" Nakano shouted, running up to them. "Are you all right?"

"Just ducky no da," she replied, glaring at the boy.

That, of course, was when the dragon burst out of the trees.

"That's not a dragon," Nakano pointed out calmly. "It's Ashitare."

"AND IT'S STILL GOING TO KILL US!!!" the boy yelled. "Get out of here!!"

Nakano, perfectly capable of taking out the wolf that was bearing down on them, shrugged and hoisted Chitomi over his shoulder and started walking in the other direction.

Chitomi screeched. "Wait!! It's going to kill him no da!!"

"That's all right," replied Nakano affably. "He's a Suzaku seishi."

She tried to twist out of his arms to no avail. "But so am I!!"

"True," he said thoughtfully. He then dropped her. "All right. I won't kill you now. Yui-sama might not like it." With that, he walked away into the sunset.

She stared after him, her heart broken, tears gathering in her eyes, until she was run over by the boy.

"ITAI NO DA!" she yelled, jumping up. "Watch it, you idiot!!"

He roughly grabbed her arm and hauled her up to her feet. "Come on!! It's coming!! By the way, I'm Vansuki!!" He started running again.

She started laughing. "Van... suki..."

He stopped, turned, and glared. "YES! VANSUKI! BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT A DAMN WOMAN!!"

"Sounds Russian," she remarked lightly.

He flipped her off.

At this, she glared, and the sound of wolf feet were then suddenly very audible.

"I don't like wolves much," commented Nurillerna from the side.

SHE sighed. "Get on with it."

The wolf was on top of them. She screamed.

Vansuki whipped out his sword. "Rekka Shinen!" he yelled as he aimed it at the dragon-wolf.

Nothing.

He blinked, peering at the sword. "Umm... what happened?"

"IDIOT!! LOOK OUT NO DA!!" she shrieked as the wolf descended on him.

He blinked again, then started waving the sword around wildly, desperately trying to fend off the creature. By sheer luck, he managed to whack the wolf on the top of the head, stunning it. It fell over with a loud thump.

Chitomi sneaked over and peered at it. "Is it dead no da?"

Vansuki took his sword and hurriedly cut open the chest of the wolf and pulled out its heart. "A Dragu-Energist!" he said proudly.

The wolf twitched and the body vanished.

From the sides, Nurillerna gave a cheer.

SHE sighed again.

A flash of light drew Vansuki, the energist, and Chitomi up to the sky.
 
 

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